To be offended at being left out of sisters wedding

[MummyAnnabella]

She is getting married in summer and having one sister as bridesmaid. Other sisters two girls are flower girls. I am only remaining sister (no brothers) and neither I nor 3 children have any role at all. Am a bit pissed off!

YAB a little bit UR

I think that your sister who is a BM is being harsh in not saying anything to your sister. Surely she must realise that you are being left out?

When my brother?s fiancé asked my sister to be her Bmaid and said she wasn't having me my sis told her to piss off. Not the most polite of things to do but we don't like her anyway (it?s also a classic example of her 'divide and conquer' behaviour)! I wouldn't have said anything to SIL had my sis gone ahead and accepted but I would have been extremely hurt as I would have been the family member excluded.

If this is going to eat you up you need to tell your sis BUT for me I wouldn't want a role or really for my kids to have one now, if it?s not given in good grace and all that.

Do your kids often play up in public? Maybe she?s witnessed them miss behaving (in a normal kid way) but you haven't stopped them- and she doesn?t want her vows spoilt?

If you do say something to her you need to be prepared to hear some home truths.

I think I would be up front and confront her on behalf of your dc-not nastily-just say you dont understand why she has excluded your dc from the bridal party.Perhaps she hasnt thought of a page boy-maybe get your mum to suggest it.whatever happens please dont fall out-a wedding is only a day.

Ask her if you can do anything to help on the day, like sign the register, read a poem, sing or make a speech. Tell her you'd like to contribute to her special day. Tell her your kids would love to be in the photos so they feel part of it. Then she will at least have to acknowledge that you are left out and you will feel you've had your say. Get kids to chuck eggs confetti if she doesn't take you up on your offer.

Oh gosh this has me laughing out loud at the classy big mac or eating sandwiches!!!

I know some of you will think I am biased but honestly my kids are really good. Sis called my son a robot once cause he is so good. I am strict with them and a massive believer in manners.

Fiancé did eventually put foot down re his mothers friend but the fact that she initially refused shocked me.

As for grandad I immediately told my mum I would pay when she told me but mum said best to stay out if it as my mum isn't meant to have told us that bit. Think my mum may end up paying for carer but prob is grandad knows now and pride is hurt so he says he doesn't feel well enough as a coverup.

Feel a bit bad at idea she is nasty tbh it is summed up by whoever said outrageous selfishness. Alway has been totally spoiled by our parents. Also a control freak as someone else said. Takes over organising all family events eg booking places for birthday meals, setting dates, picking presents and then sends us all a bill.

Bm sis totally non confrontational and wouldn't say boo to a goose. Hence me getting all the donkey work! She did once tell bride sis that she wanted to have a say in a family present and not just get a bill as usual and we were all shocked that she spoke up. None more so than bride sis who thought she was being unreasonable to interfere!!

Also agree that other guests will notice the non involvement of my family. All my friends have been shocked and I end up defending her a bit saying oh I'll be too busy etc especially to my dh who has always said she spoilt brat and a mercenary!!

Example - on my first mothers day we all had big family meal out at hotel. There was a cheap plant on table and hotel announced they were for mothers to take home. There were 3 in my family me my sister and my mum. Someone said draw straws and we did and I won plant. She turned to other mother sister and said that I shouldn't have been allowed to enter. This was on basis I had a well paid job at the time (which I worked my ass off in) and other sister just an average job!!! Did I mention my ds was 6 months old and I was so excited about my first ever mothers day?! My dh said she was spoilt cow and bought me another plant on way home as he said she ruined other one.

Yes but unlikely to marry is 40 so I would have thought a little old to be bm

Nice.

I'm amazed at the amount of grown women who throw hissy fits when they can't be a bridesmaid.

I'm guessing that bridesgrooms don't have all this stupid angst from their mates when they aren't picked to be best man. That's an even harder job as you can only have one of them but I doubt they are tearing themse;lves apart over it all.

Women can be so fucking petty at times. You've had your wedding day and you made your own decisions about it so butt out and allow your sister the same courtesy.

By the way this thread title is misleading as you clearly haven't been left out of the wedding, you just don't get to wear a tacky dress.

Your sister is a loony! Your poor thing that was just so nasty and childish of her over the plant! She sounds like a proper trouble maker. The youngest who wanted to stir trouble between ye... She is just not very nice by the sounds of her and you have made it perfectly clear you are really not bent out of shape at not being a bridesmaid its just some little involvement like how ye will not even be going to the special place for the photos, thats the kind of thing thats hurt you most i think, its not just her, but the whole your parents and two sisters will be going as the "big family" to the special wedding photo place but your family will be waiting with all the other "normal" guests back in the hotel and will applaude the wedding party etc when they arrive an hour later... I can see how you feel ppl will notice it and im sure the odd one might say it, what do you think you'l say? For what its worth you have my full sympathy i dont think your unreasonable at all to feel hurt

Thanks lady I also thought that re rude!!

Yes wishes I think you know are so right. It's just always her way or the highway!! Haven't thought what to say on day? Prob just my usual mutterings re sure I have hands full etc. Mind you could say yes she always did have a problem with my leprosy and watch them run! Or she never forgave me for that misunderstanding with the groom! Any ideas?!

OP YANBU your sister sounds like well mine laughs.. Bridezilla extrodinaire..

Now I wouldnt bother trying to get dresses matching the bm dresses or your kids dressed up weddingy (is that a word?) I would buy a FAB hat (ala Andie Macdowel in 4 weddings) and haute couture dress immaculate lipstick etc something that makes you look completely fantastic carefully avoiding anything that can make it be anything but you looking your best for your sisters wedding (dont forget the lacy hankie to cry a tear of joy into during the service) ... no I am not suggesting outstaging the bride Just...

you know important day you want to look you best.

Ha ha lonnie that was exactly what I thought originally! Do have lovely dress now need fabulous hat or hairband type thing. Also am going to book spray tan manicure and haircut. Also lose a stone. Just to look best for her day not so everyone will say who is that fabulous stylish lady over there in the corner!!

HowFuckingRude, what a totally apt name you have!

One aims to please :)

I stand by what I say though, it's her sisters weding and therefore her sisters choice who she has as BM.

I can understand the OP is upset but it just seems so wrong to get bitter about someone elses big day. Swallow your disappointment and just be happy for her - makes you the better person if nothing else

If OPs daughter was older then I'd say the sister wasn out of order for not including her, but she is only 2.

She may well be perfectly well behaved under normal circumstances but this is a big occasion and she may get overwhelmed. I wouldn't want tantrums/tears/pants full of nervous poop from any of the bridesmaids at my wedding tbh. Which is why I wouldn't ask my best mate to be my BM as she'd probably do all of those things!

It's the Bride and Bridegrooms day and I just think they should get to choose who they want without people feeling snubbed. It's supposed to be a happy occasion ...

LEPORSY definatly! i can see your hurt but dont let anyone know it on the day, just hold your head high and let everyone coo over your lovely dc's :)

Your sister sounds ghastly.

DONT do any more BM duties, you are especially NOT chosen as a brides maid. Next time, let her know that she can ask her bridesmaid, as you are too busy.

I am really angry on your behalf actually.

It's a shame you feel excluded and I sympathise with that, but I think you have to accept her choice. I don't see the point in confronting her. Bottom line = she's made her decision and the damage has been done. If she turned round now and included you, you'd know it was only done under sufferance. Outrageous to exclude your grandfather's carer. No justification for that.

YABU it is her wedding she can have whoever she wants, buy your dd a pretty dress and enjoy the day!!

Dunno what the situation is but could be for a positive reason, I'm being left out of a family wedding where I was supposed to be a bridesmaid as I am now pregnant. That way I'm not rushed off my feet all day and can relax, plus, I don't run the risk of fainting and hijacking the wedding lol. Is it possible that it is something like that? My family member just explained it to me so I knew why, maybe she just hasn't told you but it is something like that.

Oh cripes, just read the rest of the thread, I have a sis like that, don't worry yourself about it, life is too short.

Yes life is too short and as I said I have no intention of confronting her. I will hold head high and have nice day. Agree it would be even worse to be asked now.

Quin - funny I said at start to myself I would not do one bm thing at all but have been sucked in and too nice to say no!

Lnd that was funny! Seems there are lots of sisters like this out there!

I know what you mean. I have one brother and one sister, I wouldn't dream of getting married without my sister. She was my CBM at my first wedding. My best friend was the "bestman" because we thought it'd look odd as she was older than my sister. I also had my cousin and her brother was my page boy, he has asperger's and people were wondering if he'd cope but he was brilliant and loved every minute. We didn't have any nieces, nephews or any other cousins.

When my sister got married there was a lot of nieces and nephews to choose from and she had her best friend and our eldest niece. We were talking one day and I said that she'd had a lot more choice than I had and she went into a strop because I said (I hadn't!) that I wouldn't have had her as my chief bridesmaid! I wasn't put out that I wasn't hers but it didn't escape my attention IYSWIM but it really upset me that she thought she was entitled to be mine but not the other way around.

Oh ouch!

Step completely away from any wedding responsibilty. You are better off staying out of it. Trust me!

Turn up on the day in the role of beautiful guests. Be THE most wonderfully beautiful and warm guests ever.

Rise above it!

Good luck!