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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say no to picking from school

68 replies

lemonbeaver · 17/02/2011 12:35

My DD started her periods about 4 months ago. She is 13 and has coped very well.

However two or three times now ive have calls from the school to say can i pick her up as she has tummy ache which i have done. Work have been fine about me leaving to get her but obviously its not great to just drop everything at work. I have to work, i only do part time and have no one else who could collect her.

Anyway she has started her period again this week. Have just have another call from the school to say can i come and get her. She was fine this morning, i mean not a word about tummy ache or feeling grumpy and has plenty of towels with her.

Am i really mean to say no she should stay at school? I spoke with her teacher and said if she gets worse i will come but i can't keep doing this. Also as i have twins the other one was off monday as not well so have already had to miss a day at work this week. Today is my day off but inbetween Mnetting i have been doing housework etc honest.

Please don't tell me im a terrible mother as do feel very guilty now

OP posts:

thefruitwhisperer · 17/02/2011 12:36

I think YABU, but only because my periods were truly painful and traumatic at that age. I often went home with relatives when my mum wouldnt come.

thefruitwhisperer · 17/02/2011 12:37

But if her periods are on the normal scale, then no, of course you arent BU

Thingumy · 17/02/2011 12:37

Silly question but has she had any pain killers?

Plumm · 17/02/2011 12:37

When she's an adult and has to work she won't be able to take time of just for period pains. Unless she has got a serious problem with them, will the school allow her to take ibuprofen (or whatever painkiller she's allowed)?

Plumm · 17/02/2011 12:38

I should point out that I've ever had a problem with my periods so donlt want to come across as unsympathetic if she does.

verybored · 17/02/2011 12:39

YANBU. I have refused to pick DS1 up before when there wasn't much wrong with him and just fancied going home. I would make sure she has some paracetamol with her tomorrow though.

pinkteddy · 17/02/2011 12:39

I think you need to have a chat with dd about the fact that you can't just drop everything and come and collect her every time she has an ache or pain. Do they allow children to take painkillers at school with your permission?

I work at a secondary school and parents regularly say they are not coming to collect their children, some of whom are seriously unwell so I don't think the school would be very surprised if you say no. They have to phone you to cover themselves.

slimbabe · 17/02/2011 12:40

yanbu - sorry but it's not an illness. I know that pain etc can be awful but she has to learn to cope with this. You have made sure she is well prepared etc. you have done all you can. this would drive me nuts. I would be having words with her when she comes home.

Memoo · 17/02/2011 12:40

If it's your day off yabu! God I use to be in agony with my periods when I was young.

Original poster

lemonbeaver · 17/02/2011 12:41

I feel guilty but she isn't having 'painful' periods as such. They are fairly light and she has been regular.

She needs to understand that it is something she will have to learn to cope with and as she gets older and has to work will realise that you can't just take time off each month.

I did say to the teacher if she really needs me i will come so not abandoning her completely.

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 17/02/2011 12:41

I used to have horrendously painful periods and I would take painkillers with me to school. This was in the Dark Ages when children were trusted and allowed to do such things though.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 17/02/2011 12:42

The school needn't know if she has ibuprofen in her bag, tbh.

If the pain is really bad then she needs to see a doctor.

weefriend · 17/02/2011 12:42

If she's really suffering then maybe take her to the docs and see if she can get something to help. You can't keep fetching her home though no, and it's a fact of life she is going to have to deal with one way or another. I do feel for her if it's grim though. My brother had to take me home from school once because I nearly fainted .

pjmama · 17/02/2011 12:43

Unfortunately, period pain is just something she's going to have to learn to deal with and of course you can't do this every month.

It might be worth getting her checked out by a GP if she's excessively heavy or in alot of pain, but there are ways of managing that so she'll be able to get on with things. Is she able to take paracetamol at school or anything like that to help?

I'd sit down and have a chat to her and ask whether she wants to see a GP for some reassurance. It's all new and probably a bit scary, but we all go through it and I guess she just needs to adjust to all the changes and realise that she's not actually ill! I can remember feeling very sorry for myself those first few times, but it's part of being female and you just have to accept it! You're not a terrible mother at all.

thefruitwhisperer · 17/02/2011 12:43

I still have days off work for mine. but they are very bad due to a condition.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 17/02/2011 12:44

YANBU btw.

beanlet · 17/02/2011 12:44

Periods (unfortunately) are a normal part of being a girl. Unless she has a really serious problem like endometriosis or cysts, she needs to learn to cope, and I'm astonished the school would send someone home for period pain! Make sure she has access to painkillers, and a heat pack or hot water bottle if she really needs to - in fact I wouldn't be surprised if the shame of carrying a hot water bottle inspired her to stop bothering the nurse!

Thingumy · 17/02/2011 12:45

I think it's quite common for periods to be painful when you first start.

I would make sure she has had paracetamol before she leaves for school and give her another 2 for lunchtime.

She will have to learn that life doesn't stop when you have periods though.

If the paracetamol aren't enough for the pain then she needs a trip to her GP for a chat.

wisecamel · 17/02/2011 12:45

YANBU. It's not nice for DD to have periods at school and I remember the early ones being painful, but it's part of life and she has to get on with it. We used to have competitive period pains when we were young teenagers to see who could get sent home as the teachers were too embarrassed to question us.

You can get really good period painkillers that she can take to school and you can make sure that she can rest after school if she's feeling rubbish.

I'd be firm on this one. Tell her and the school that period pains are not an illness.

Original poster

lemonbeaver · 17/02/2011 12:45

But she's not in agony and she knows its my day off so i could come and get her. Ive spoken to both my girls about being off school. Funny thing is it does seem to coincide with days off or tests etc.

She is well prepared, not in agony, i know this as spoke with her when school called, she sounded fine.

OP posts:

Sarsaparilllla · 17/02/2011 12:46

If she's 13 does she even need to be picked up?

I suffer from terrible period pains, but it's something she'll have to find a way round, painkillers or a trip to the docs to see what they suggest might be helpful?

Maryz · 17/02/2011 12:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pjmama · 17/02/2011 12:47

From your further posts, it sounds to me like she might just be trying it on a little bit! Sounds like you're doing the right thing drawing a line.

BendyBob · 17/02/2011 12:49

Yanbu. Unless of course she is having horrendous problems with them.

I think it's dd rather than the school you need to convince. Do they allow her to take in some painkillers if she needs them? It is all quite a burden to start with though; she's probably just defaulting to mum for reassurance but I guess you'll have to gently ease her into coping and managing. I really do sympathise with both of you though.

This is quite relevant to me too actually as my dd is 12 and all this is in the post for us

Marne · 17/02/2011 12:49

YANBU, i suffered with horrible period pain at school and heavy periods, my mum would dose me up with pain killers and send me in. Its something that us girls have to learn to cope with .

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