Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To say no to picking from school

68 replies

lemonbeaver · 17/02/2011 12:35

My DD started her periods about 4 months ago. She is 13 and has coped very well.

However two or three times now ive have calls from the school to say can i pick her up as she has tummy ache which i have done. Work have been fine about me leaving to get her but obviously its not great to just drop everything at work. I have to work, i only do part time and have no one else who could collect her.

Anyway she has started her period again this week. Have just have another call from the school to say can i come and get her. She was fine this morning, i mean not a word about tummy ache or feeling grumpy and has plenty of towels with her.

Am i really mean to say no she should stay at school? I spoke with her teacher and said if she gets worse i will come but i can't keep doing this. Also as i have twins the other one was off monday as not well so have already had to miss a day at work this week. Today is my day off but inbetween Mnetting i have been doing housework etc honest.

Please don't tell me im a terrible mother as do feel very guilty now

OP posts:

tibni · 17/02/2011 12:49

One of the girls in dd class does this every month. Refuses to walk to school and back, has to have a lift, and goes home at least once a month for period pain. According to DD she happily runs around / plays rugby till hometime then calls her parents to pick her up!

I wouldn't pick dd up unless she was really bad - but I know she wouldn't ask to go home unless she was feeling very bad.

thefruitwhisperer · 17/02/2011 12:49

Lemonbeaver I was eventually taken to the GP and given extra strength ibuprofen and a note saying I was allowed to have them kept with the nurse who would dose me at appropriate times. It might be worth explring that if she keeps on.

Thingumy · 17/02/2011 12:49

The diary is a good idea Maryz.

I think you can get period diaries now which may help her chart the pain and heaviness etc and regularity.

Hammy02 · 17/02/2011 12:50

Why do you have to pick her up? At 13 I would've thought she's old enough to make her own way home.

beanlet · 17/02/2011 12:50

Sounds like she's just trying it on, to be honest. I fractured my elbow playing basketball for the school, and my mother didn't believe me for days. We mollycoddle kids too much these days. Believe me, she'll be getting no sympathy from all the other girls in her class who also have periods and get on with things without fuss. Don't give in to her- it makes no difference if it's your day off or not- she is legally supposed to be in school.

Original poster

lemonbeaver · 17/02/2011 12:50

Unfortunately school is too far away for her to make her own way home, normally catches a bus there.

She certainly doesn't need to see the GP. Wea re all very open in our family and trust me she shares all details, sometimes tmi. She is a good girl and i do feel guilty but i think she needs to know.

At the end of the day i don't want her to miss school, she's not ill.

OP posts:

Thingumy · 17/02/2011 12:51

Maybe the OP's daughter gets school transport? My senior school was a 7 mile bus ride away.

Mumi · 17/02/2011 12:52

Being fine in the morning is irrelevant as excruciating cramps can happen within seconds. You need to have a discussion about how painful they are for her and whether it's really about the pain itself, or whether it's about feeling that others are aware when she is on her period, which may be the case if she is only using towels (regardless of what the Tracey Tampax talks said, I can sometimes smell it and hear the towel when I walk )

Thingumy · 17/02/2011 12:52

I'm not sure why you feel guilty then OP if you know she isn't in any great pain.

wannaBe · 17/02/2011 12:53

I do not have endometriosis or systs and I had horrific period pains as a teen. I used to pass out and feel truely awful and have to take days off school as a result.

Painful periods as a teen is quite common ime so those that say that she's just going to have to deal with it as a fact of life have clearly never had those kind of periods.

Hammy02 · 17/02/2011 12:54

Could she get a taxi. I know that may be a bit of an expense but better that than you risking losing your job? I had really bad period pains when I was in my teens-to the point of almost being doubled up until I took painkillers but never had any time off school. It is just part of life and she needs to learn to deal with it.

Original poster

lemonbeaver · 17/02/2011 12:54

Just had a text from her saying 'sorry mum, feel ok now'

OP posts:

BendyBob · 17/02/2011 12:55

Does she have a mobile phone with her? Maybe if she could talk to you for a few minutes it would help. You could advise/sympathise/chin up etc.

BendyBob · 17/02/2011 12:56

Oh Xposts - she does have a phone.

Mammie81 · 17/02/2011 12:57

It was awful for me at school. My mum wouldnt give me any pain killers, I had those cheap 99p shop sanny towels which were just tissue, and she'd never come to get me as 'you just have to get used to it'. I had cysts which were only diagnosed when I was pregnant.

Thank god I can afford to buy paracetamol and Always now!

beanlet · 17/02/2011 12:59

Actually I have had period pain like that - but it was sustainable when well managed with pain killers. (I did have to go home from work once because it came on unexpectedly and I had no drugs with me - I was so embarrassed because I had failed to be properly prepared. Despite the pain, it really is one of those things that you have to grin and bear as a woman.)

Original poster

lemonbeaver · 17/02/2011 13:00

Thanks everyone

its that horrible cruel to be kind thing

i know she is ok, she knows i will come if shes not but school is important and as ive said she's not ill

I will give her a big hug when she gets home and possibly some chocolate as that always helps

OP posts:

beanlet · 17/02/2011 13:01

just realised I'm talking about periods in the past tense! DS 7 months now and still no period return, thank god. Not looking forward to them coming back TBH

Original poster

lemonbeaver · 17/02/2011 13:04

I'm the other end. have started the dreaded menopause, god i hate that word.

Not had regular periods for 18 months now, last period was november last year.

The joys of hot flushes etc

OP posts:

Pterosaur · 17/02/2011 13:04

I think you know she's OK really and are looking for reassurance. You've clearly done the right thing today as she's coping with it.

My 13 year-old dd keeps a couple of paracetamol in her blazer pocket in case of migraine/ brace ache/ onset of periods (not started yet). Is that generally frowned upon in secondary school? I know the staff aren't allowed to give children painkillers (though when dd had her first migraine, the school secretary was so worried about her she gave her a single paracetamol tablet, but was very anxious and apologetic about it).

DD's friend, whose mother is our GP, does the same, but I know doctors make up their own rules...

wannaBe · 17/02/2011 13:06

having said that though op it does sound as if she could be trying it on somewhat. I would have a chat with her.

Thingumy · 17/02/2011 13:07

I'm a non period bod too.

Lemon-I would make sure you give her some paracetamol for any pain that may occur during school.Two paracetamol should hold off any need to come home.

solooovely · 17/02/2011 13:21

Aah poor little thing. I used to have painful periods and would bleed everywhere. It's horrible. Have a little chat with her about trying to stay at school if she can.

Someone said that it's not an illness - no it's not but that's neither here no there seeing as it's as painful as one.

tyler80 · 17/02/2011 13:25

It does sound like in this case coming home is not necessary but some people do have truly horrendous period pains and are not trying it on.

For me they're worse than childbirth, and I've sometimes had to go home from work because of it. Luckily now I've had 15 years of practice I can manage them well enough that I only take a day off maybe once a year, but when I first started every month was horrendous. Both me and my sister suffered badly but my mum's words of sympathy were "I don't know why you have problems, I never got period pains!"

ShatnersBassoon · 17/02/2011 13:26

My mum was very unsympathetic when I was had period pains. She never had a period pain in her life, so she thought I was making it up. Most months I'd vomit and would be bent double with the pain. She wouldn't even let me have a paracetamol, because 'they weaken you'.

Try to help her manage the pain so she can sort herself out at school if the pain becomes unbearable. It can be awful, and embarrassing.

Flip

1 2 3