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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say no to picking from school

68 replies

lemonbeaver · 17/02/2011 12:35

My DD started her periods about 4 months ago. She is 13 and has coped very well.

However two or three times now ive have calls from the school to say can i pick her up as she has tummy ache which i have done. Work have been fine about me leaving to get her but obviously its not great to just drop everything at work. I have to work, i only do part time and have no one else who could collect her.

Anyway she has started her period again this week. Have just have another call from the school to say can i come and get her. She was fine this morning, i mean not a word about tummy ache or feeling grumpy and has plenty of towels with her.

Am i really mean to say no she should stay at school? I spoke with her teacher and said if she gets worse i will come but i can't keep doing this. Also as i have twins the other one was off monday as not well so have already had to miss a day at work this week. Today is my day off but inbetween Mnetting i have been doing housework etc honest.

Please don't tell me im a terrible mother as do feel very guilty now

OP posts:

newpup · 17/02/2011 13:27

I had dreadful painful periods as a teenager. My mother was hard line! I had to go to school, she was firm that it was part of being a woman and I had to deal with it. I was dosed up with painkillers and sent off. Actually, I think unless there is a severe medical problem that she should go to school. As adults we have to cope with periods.

As long as she has adequate supplies, change of underwear and is able to get painkillers, she should get on with it.

Beamur · 17/02/2011 13:29

I had a horrendous time with my periods when they first started, my Mum had to come and get me, I was too unwell to be at school and was in danger of passing out so couldn't get back by myself.
My GP actually prescribed me some very strong painkillers which helped enormously.
This killer period phase passed after a few months, I think my body got more used to it and I used pain relief when needed. I still need to take the odd paracetamol now though.
This is probably a very distressing time for your little girl.

mrsunreasonable · 17/02/2011 13:33

I started my periods at 11 and whilst they were a bit painful my main problem was they were very heavy I would change towel at break time and by halfway through the lesson would need to change again (even though I used the nighttime ones). So had to be excused from lesson and take my bag with me with the very unsympathetic teachers saying "put your bag down you don't need to take it with you just to go to the toilet" It was very embarassing and messy and uncomfortable and the reason why I faked being ill a lot so could go home (my poor mother I don't know how she coped as she was at work as well!) Is there any chance this could be the problem and you could let her use tampons instead I only started using them at 16 and my whole period hell was over instantly!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 17/02/2011 13:36

YANBU, which she has confirmed by texting you.

I used to get quite painful periods at that age, the first day would be pretty awful but I would have some painkillers, take plenty of towels and a change of knickers and just avoid PE for the first 2 days of my period when it was really heavy.

My secondary was 200 yards from my house, and my Mum was a SAHM at that stage so it would have been really easy for me to go home - except for the bollocking that would have awaited me there!

Icantbelieveitsnotbitter · 17/02/2011 13:49

My DSD has just started her periods at 12 - we've had texts along the lines of 'I'm on my cycle and my bell hurts, i want to come home' Or 'I feel sick, not normal sick but lady sick, can we go home'.

Bell hurts ??? We chuckle at the teen-speak made up words and remind ourselves that we probably did the same !

I'm waiting for the 'I can't wash my hair because I'm on my cycle'!

Again, she only has light periods and I think it's the drama of being on her period that she enjoys so much. Her mum takes to her bed with a cold or some other malady every so often and can't do this, can't do that so I'm afraid she's not been raised to be very tough. Ho hum.

megapixels · 17/02/2011 13:59

Well, not everyone gets into the whole periods thing smoothly and she's only on her second period yet so I'd go get her. I remember how awful I found the first few periods, I hated it so much that the thought of it used to make me cry.

AppleyEverAfter · 17/02/2011 14:04

I'd give her Feminax, can be used from age 12 according to website. And money for a taxi if she's bad, so she can at least get home. If things don't improve I'd take her to your GP to see what they can recommend. But I wouldn't be picking her up every month, it's just not practical. I know girls who have had it bad though, hope she's OK.

www.feminax.co.uk/range/feminax-express.htm

Ormirian · 17/02/2011 14:09

Well I'd not do it. But my children have form when it comes to swinging the lead so I have learned to err on the side of disbelief unless a leg falls off

I know periods can be painful - get her some painkillers as has been suggested - but they are something she will have to cope with the next 35 years or so. What happens during her exams, or later when she's doing A levels? Life doesn't come to a halt because her period starts.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 17/02/2011 14:09

I wouldn't pick her up either.

Based on what you describe - light periods, not complaining of pain at home and coincides with your days off and / or tests

nah. Under those circumstances described by you, it would be "take some painkillers love, you have to cope with periods for the next 40 years!

Ormirian · 17/02/2011 14:10

ROFL at "not normal sick but lady sick". WTF ?

GandalfyCarawak · 17/02/2011 14:13

My periods were so bad at that age that I was close to collapsing with pain. It was horrible and embarrassing. If these are not her circumstances YANBU, but I am a bit at posters saying "she needs to get used to it". Mine were as bad as labour pains until I went on the pill for that very reason, aged 12.

FabbyChic · 17/02/2011 14:15

Do you remember how bad period pain can be, I used to be crippled, rolled up in a ball.

Send her with painkillers.

YOu must know her cycle by now don't you write it down on a calender.

Some period pains are as bad as childbirth pains.

Get some sympathy meanie.

Thingumy · 17/02/2011 14:16

The OP has said her daughter isn't in crippling pain.

I think if she had said her daughter was in horrendous pain and stuck at school,people would of been more sympathetic in their replies.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 17/02/2011 14:17

and if the op was describing a child in that much pain or anything close to it, people would be saying different things.

But the op is describing a child in very little pain. and who seems to have very convenient pain.

My period pains were so bad I was white and clammy and used to feel close to throwing up. I also had diarrhoea.

If the OP was describing that, I'd say keep her off school, take her to gp

But OP is not describing that.

Ormirian · 17/02/2011 14:19

Yes OP had said they aren't that bad. Just because they can be horrendous it doesn't mean they always are.

musicmadness · 17/02/2011 15:30

Talk to her when she gets back about how bad the pain really is. I don't think you should pick her up going off your OP but maybe put painkillers in her bad in future?

I'm probably over sympathetic here as I am literally throwing up each month and the pain is really bad - feminax makes it just about bearable (paracetamol alone has no effect) but if I don't take anything I literally cannot move due to the pain. I am well aware that is not the norm though and most people just have a few stomach cramps and nothing else.

thefruitwhisperer · 17/02/2011 15:58

Ive often taken two paracetamol and two ibuprofen together. It can be done safely as they are different types of painkiller which dont interact (can NEVER be done with any other combination)

Although I was originally sympathetic to the girl, it does sound a bit fishy. I also think 'have to get used to it' is a bit mean. Ive never gotten used to it, I still cry like a bitch monthly!

thehat · 17/02/2011 21:10

I had horrendous period pain as a teenager. They started when I was 10. My Mum gave me a spoonful of sugar dissolved in hot water then added a huge measure of gin!!! Ahhh the 70s...

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