Ok guys. Some of you will probably think I'm being a total cunt but here goes...
I haven't spoken to the friend now since this came about. She rang me once, I ignored her call, then I came off facebook (childish I know).
Subsequently, my mum has been diagnosed with breast cancer for the second time. My friend knows about this (through another source). She then emailed my older sister on facebook to ask if I was ok? She said she was worried that I wasn't coping with my mum's illness. My sister replied saying;
Cat is okay - obvs worried about mum.
To be honest, she is upset about bridesmaid issue.
I know u have been a good friend to her.
I'm sure it's a misunderstanding.
You've been friends for so long
etc etc
She has not replied to sis or attempted to contact me. I know I am a bit fragile at the moment so maybe very over-emotional and not a good judge of what is rational and what is not.
But I have been so upset about the friend that I have composed an email to send her. I will not send it yet while I am still upset. I plan on waiting to see if I hear from her by the end of the month.
If not, I will send the email. MNers - I want you opinion. Am I being a cunt or not?? Would I be a cunt to send it???SEE BELOW:
So, I haven't heard from you - which sums it all up really!
Our friendship clearly means so little to you, that you're not even interested in finding out why I'm so upset.
Well I'm going to tell you - not for your benefit, but because otherwise it will eat away at me. I know you emailed my sister to ask what was wrong with me. I believe she told you that I am upset about the fact you haven't asked me to be a bridesmaid for you. Partially, that is correct. I was shocked, suprised and a bit hurt, but I wasn't going to say anything to you. It's your wedding and you can do what the hell you like and ask whoever you want. It's not my place or right to challenge you over your decision.
However, I just think if the situation was reversed, you would also feel a little put out. You've thrown yourself into full bridesmaid duties for my wedding - for which I have been very grateful. I wanted you involved in the planning and preparation. You on the other hand, have made it very clear that you do not want my imput in your wedding whatsoever. Again, this is up to you and I am not questioning your choice - but it is very indicative of the imbalance in our relationship.
You must have known I was thinking you'd ask me to be your bridesmaid. Yes - maybe very presumptious on my part, but I think you knew that I would be thinking that way. I imagine you would have been thinking the same if the situation was reversed.
What has hurt and upset me so much is that you made no attempt whatsoever to spare my feelings. You didn't even bother addressing it with me. You could have fobbed me off with one of many different excuses!!! But you obviously didn't feel it was necessary to shield me from feeling hurt. Which leads me back to my original conclusion that our friendship is of very little importance to you. Upsetting me clearly doesn't trouble you.
I appreciate we've had our problems in the past, but I thought we had overcome these. I am personally not a grudge-bearer when it comes to friendship, but everyone is different. I've apologised to you numerous times for being a crappy friend for a period of time (18 months or so was it??) Unfortnately in life people do have problems which have negative effects on others. I had numerous issues going on - and I am tired of being punished for old mistakes time and time again.
Maybe I've got it totally wrong. Maybe it's just you feel that you are above me now, which is sometimes the impression you give. Again, not really a sign of a healthy friendship. You have a very short memory xxxxx. You haven't always been perfect and I've always supported you when you've needed me. Remember when you contracted herpes from that lad you slept with behind xxxx's back?? I was the one on the end of the phone to you every day while you tried to get your head round it. Remember when you first moved to xxxxxxx and you were so unhappy and lonely? You were hiding in the kitchen swigging wine from the bottle while xxxxxx and his dad were in the other room. Again, I was the one you were on the phone to every day, often more than once!
The way you have treated me feels like a slap in the face. You've made me feel like a total idiot. I really, truely thought you were one of my best friends. And I feel that you let me believe it. Why on earth have you been bothering when you knew it was all just a farce? How can we possibly remain friends now when you've made it so apparent how unimportant I am to you? Just to clarify - the main issue IS NOT about not being a bridesmaid. I'm 30 years old for gods sake. But I'm irreversibly hurt over the way you have trampled over my feelings without giving it a second thought.
My mum is ill again and I really don't need people in my life who don't care about me. I have neither the time or the interest in maintaining a faux-friendship, My energy needs to be focused on my family. Anything negative needs to be cut out.
Good luck with your wedding and subsequent marriage. I hope it goes well.
I really am deeply saddened that a 10 year friendship has had to end this way. But what saddens me most is the fact I know you won't really be that bothered...........