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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at my friend posting pictures of my baby on Facebook!

23 replies

Hollyinpink · 16/02/2011 23:43

Seriously, I actually want to know.

I put pictures of her on my fb page, but I make them private, and they're a very edited version of her, IE, the occasional cute face close up, but not more personal moments like first food / bathing (from neck up) etc...

But my friend took some pictures of my baby when she came to see her the other day and I didn't say anything, because, well! Why would you?

But now they're on her Facebook page and aside from them being damn right unflattering of the two of us, they are not what I would have shared, especially with strangers.

I don't know her friends on there, and she has absolutely loads. I'm not even entirely sure why this makes me uncomfortable. Aside from the fact she didn't ask me.

AIBU? Or are people happy for their children to have Facebook exposure in this day and age?

OP posts:

plupervert · 16/02/2011 23:46

Have you asked her, or are you testing the waters here first?

BooyFuckingHoo · 16/02/2011 23:47

just tell her you don't want them on her page.

my EX's sister puts up pics of my dcs and her page isn't private at all but i dont say anything. not worth the row TBH.

MoonUnitAlpha · 16/02/2011 23:49

I wouldn't care, but if you do then just ask her nicely to take them down.

greenbananas · 16/02/2011 23:49

I'd be a bit unhappy about it, but then I don't really 'do' facebook. It's possible that most people wouldn't have a problem with this.

In the past, I have known some children who really needed their whereabouts to be kept secret - I assume your friend knew she would not be putting you or your baby in danger by posting these photos?

gaelicsheep · 16/02/2011 23:50

I was going to post that I think I would be annoyed if someone posted pictures of my children without asking me. But then I remembered that someone did (my niece) and I actually didn't mind - it didn't occur to me. My own profile is very private so I don't see what harm it can do as nobody could get to any more info IYSWEM.

SparkleSoiree · 16/02/2011 23:50

HHmmm. I have mixed thoughts about this. I have friends and family that have the occasional picture of me/kids on their page and it has never occurred to me to be cross about it.

If it's a privacy thing you are concerned about then express your feelings to your friend....they are her pictures though and we all take pictures of lots of things/people in our life and show friends in family whether in the same room on or FB...

MissyKLo · 16/02/2011 23:51

Yanbu and she was wrong to do that

Tell het to take them down asap

Original poster

Hollyinpink · 16/02/2011 23:52

I'm seeing what people think tbh... She is my friend and I don't want it to be uncomfortable.

But it just makes me feel uncomfortable because I don't know her friends.

I'm not one of these, add everyone from school, work, life etc type of people, and have lass than 50 friends on there, mainly being my overseas relatives, so it feels like a different thing altogether when she posts them to the audience of hundreds :s

I don't really have a leg to stand on, do I?

What's the etiquette? Do people usually just post, is it the done thing not to ask the parent?

OP posts:

Original poster

Hollyinpink · 16/02/2011 23:54

Sorry x posted!

OP posts:

MoonUnitAlpha · 16/02/2011 23:57

Friends and family have posted pictures they've taken of ds, I wouldn't have expected them to ask first.

MsFaithless · 16/02/2011 23:57

YADNBU

Have a quiet word with her saying it makes you uncomfortable and could she please take them down.

Although if she's one of those fb addicts she will think you're bonkers.

BluddyMoFo · 16/02/2011 23:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SparkleSoiree · 16/02/2011 23:58

If you choose not to talk to her about it then if you TAG your name to the photos (you can do that yourself) then you can keep a track of any comments made on the photos.

I have a HUGE 43 friends ()on my page so do understand what you are saying but not sure you can do a lot about it without having that discussion with your friend.

greenbananas · 16/02/2011 23:58

I'll be watching this thread with interest. It occurs to me that schools, youth clubs, playschemes etc. are not allowed to post pictures of children without express permission from parents / carers...

My cousin posted (and tagged!) pictures of me and my baby at a family wedding. I was very, very slightly put out by that (particularly as the pictures were unflattering) - but I didn't say anything as I know his intentions were good and I do appreciate that other friends and family members might have been interested to see them.

I have never put ANY pictures on facebook because the whole thing makes me uncomfortable, so my views might be rather different to those of other mumsnetters

gaelicsheep · 16/02/2011 23:59

I suppose I'm struggling to understand this thing about pictures of children on FB. What's the worst that can happen really? People see your children in rl all the time - or do you make them walk around with paper bags over their heads?

SparkleSoiree · 17/02/2011 00:00

Actually I do recall that last September after DH and I got back from a holiday with another couple I uploaded a few photos from holiday.

Within hours my friend was on the phone and said "SPARKLE, get those pictures of me looking like a heffer of your damned page"

I just laughed and said OK!

Original poster

Hollyinpink · 17/02/2011 00:07

Gaelicsheep I think with me it feels like a lack of control. I wouldn't take my baby to an unsavoury area or give pictures of her to strangers. It feels a bit creepy. That's what pictures of her on someone elses wall feels like.

OP posts:

frgr · 17/02/2011 01:12

Firstly it's a bit rude to just upload them to a public area IMHO, without asking. It's definitely unreasonable of her to not take them down when asked to.

Apart from anything, I do remember a previous poster on here linking to some very worrying threads regarding getting pictures removed/lack of help removig some in a couple of cases - 1 where a baby's image had been used to promote a product I think? The image had been taken and used on packaging and the mum only found out by accident? Obviously this is a bit extreme, but there's nothing to stop some very not nice people abusing the photos and information being uploaded - despite Facebook's assurances that this doesn't happen and they'd help if you needed them - why make it easier?

Also any pictures uploaded to Facebook are then owned by Facebook too. again, i didn't save the link but there's a massive black area in the site's terms and conditions where you basically agree to any marketing or facial recognition being tested on the site, and in any future years - if your freind is making these images public, do you really want your DCs faces appearing for people searching their name for job interviews in 10 or 15 years time? The facial recognition thing was in joint project with a google thing - i don't know if it's ever got off the ground

so yes, your friend giving facebook/other public sites cart blanche to do whatever they like with your baby's images, there are several sensible reasons why she should have asked first, and remove them immediately if you're not happy

i've certainly got my neighbour's son to double check my online facebook account, i wanted to make sure it was only viewable by people i actually know, since reading on here about all of this.

frgr · 17/02/2011 01:17

Here www.oddee.com/item_96910.aspx

"What a beautiful moment for this Missouri family posing for their Christmas card photo. But what they didn't expect is that the photo would end up somewhere else than their living room. Yes, a giant version of the image was spotted by a college friend of them on a food store in Prague, the Czech Republic. The photo was being used as an advertisement without any authorization. Grazie store in Prague's owner, Mario Bertuccio said he took it from the internet and he had no idea it belonged to a real family. "

there was a story from the UK too about a teenage girl whose photo was being used to market something a bit dodgey in the USA, but the computer crashed before i could paste it in here. but you get the point

whethergirl · 17/02/2011 01:30

Yes but for all the people in the world that post pics of their family, the amount that get used incorrectly is tiny.

To be honest, it's also very unlikely for her fb friends to even look at your photos. I've got about 100 friends and it's hard enough keeping up with my close friends/family, never mind checking status/wall posts/photos etc. of people I hardly ever see.

You could ask her to change the privacy settings so that only you can see it.

wellwisher · 17/02/2011 09:12

I don't see what harm it can do (unless you are in hiding for some reason) but personally I think it's good manners to ask people before putting pictures of their dcs on FB. If you're uncomfortable, ask her nicely to take them down.

maltesers · 17/02/2011 09:16

YANBU. . . . she shouldnt have done it.

Cheek !

BlueCollie · 17/02/2011 09:33

I always ask if it is okay. The one time I didn't I felt really bad and said to them 'sorry i put those pics up before asking would you like me to take them down'. I think it is only polite to check especially if it is the first time of putting any on there of that particular child. I also let them know my pics are only set to friends only unless a specific album has lots of other peoples friends in it. I also have friends who aren't on facebook and would never dream of putting pics of their children on it.
I would just ask her if she would take them down as you aren't comfortable with those pics. It wouldn't bother me if someone asked me to do that and if she doesn't you can always stop them being published on facebook I think by reporting those pics.

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