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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say no kids on our proposed 2nd honeymoon/5th anniversary break?

56 replies

notremotelyintofootie · 16/02/2011 22:11

Ok.... Forget about any other issues I have with 'd'h but over the past 6 months or so we have been chatting about how it would be nice to get away for a second honeymoon/5th anniversary thing towards the end of 2012...

We have no time away from all the kids, there is dsd(15) who wants to move in this tear which will result in dd(15 months) sharing with us, thus even less time alone, and ds(11) who goes to his dads on alternate weekends.... Since dd was born we have been out twice.... We are also skint and every trip with dsd and ds has not been appreciated by either....

So we were thinking about las Vegas and we could save and sell bits on eBay as a treat for us....

This weekend dh went up to his parents to see his dad and dsd went over for the afternoon, I didn't go with dd as it cost too much to travel up....

Tonight dh casually mentions that somehow dsd thinks she is coming to Vegas with us!!! She'll be 17! I said no way! That ia supposed to me our time bot with the bloody kids and dh said 'well you'll have to tell her she's not coming then....' ffs!!! How the hell did he let her invite herself???

Aibu to say no kids? (btw if things don't improve in other areas there wont be a 5th anniversry!)

OP posts:

Flojo1979 · 16/02/2011 22:16

YANBU to want some alone time with your DH but YABU to go off to some other country leaving DD behind. Who will look after her?
And u cant take one without the others, that def would seem BU

BuzzLiteBeer · 16/02/2011 22:20

Who will look after the 17 year old? herself maybe?

YANBU, obviously, OP.

Flojo1979 · 16/02/2011 22:26

The 15 month old DD obviously buzz!

BuzzLiteBeer · 16/02/2011 22:27

I would have thought that they have thought of that,no? Rather too obvious to even mention it. Do you think they were planning to leave her at left luggage at the airport?

Flojo1979 · 16/02/2011 22:32

I just think it is BU to think u need a holiday without your kids. Why have kids if u just wonna leave them? 15 months is no age to leave a child, especially to a diff country, its not like u can pop home if she gets distressed.
Have time out, go for a meal, even go for a night away at the local spa hotel but vegas??!! YABU!!!

Original poster

notremotelyintofootie · 16/02/2011 22:32

Dsd would stay at her mums, ds at his dads and dd who will be 3 then will stay with nanny and grandad!

OP posts:

ClenchedBottom · 16/02/2011 22:34

If you're really skint then I'm surprised that you're considering a trip to Vegas, tbh. And a second honeymoon, after 5 years???

Flojo1979 · 16/02/2011 22:37

I'd spend the money going to see poor grandad, so he can see DD.

FoxyRevenger · 16/02/2011 22:37

Well, but she won't be 15 months old by the end of next year, will she? I am assuming OP is only going because she knows DD will happily stay with family members/friends.

I say go for it, if you can get the money together.

Original poster

notremotelyintofootie · 16/02/2011 22:39

It's only because we have had no holidays at all since being together and the first honeymoon was a cheap weekend in Edinburgh... We are saving money by not having a social life and think that another year of saving loose change and selling clutter on eBay might give us enough if we shop around etc... The kids don't go without and I work into the night to limit childcare etc and the beginning of next year will hopefully find me getting a post-doc position so we will have about 50% more income coming into the house....

Are we really being unreasonable to want a break as a couple? I genuinely would like to know that....

OP posts:

FoxyRevenger · 16/02/2011 22:41

No, you are not!

Don't let any 'why have kids just to leave them all alone' stuff bother you, it's a week, you are not leaving them at the doorstep of a Victorian orphanage (are you )?

Flojo1979 · 16/02/2011 22:43

I think so yes. Personally if u havent had a holiday and u can save for vegas then why not save for something less commercialised where the kids can enjoy too. I personally would not enjoy a holiday without my kids, and def would not think it worth making sacrifises on social life in over in yrs time, especially if like u say there are current issues in marriage then all effort needs to be on the here n now. Otherwise why not save a take the kids abroad somewhere cheaper and have a night away locally?

squeakytoy · 16/02/2011 22:44

Vegas is adults only tell her. It is anyway really.. under 21s are not allowed in the casinos or any bars, and they are very strict on that.

GnomeDePlume · 16/02/2011 22:44

We had shag fests couple holidays abroad to celebrate our 40th birthdays. The DCs had a great time with their grandparents. Happy memories and the DCs do not hold it against us.

YANBU so long as you make good arrangements for your DCs.

BuzzLiteBeer · 16/02/2011 22:46

"why have kids if u just wonna leave them"? Wait, wait, I know this one, is it because we are evil harridans who hate our children?

Don't listen to such badly-spelled nonsense OP.

Vallhala · 16/02/2011 22:46

YANBU. In twenty years time you're more likely to look back and say, "I wish we'd gone on holiday alone when we really needed the break" than "I'm glad we stayed at home and resented it/I'm glad we spent the one fortnight and one time we had the money to spare with our DC and with the same ties and responsibilities, just in another country, when we COULD have been alone for two short, precious weeks".

Sod those who will try to make you feel guilty. It may not be for THEM but if it feels right for you and you are secure in the knowledge that the DC are going to be well cared for, GO, woman!

As for DSD, if your DH insists you must tell her, do so. No holds barred if necessary! At 15 (my DD1's age) she is old enough to understand that adults need a break and that children don't need to go everywhere with them... and that she can't always have what she wants!

Flojo1979 · 16/02/2011 22:46

I'm only saying it cos i'd never do it, and my neighbour left her kid with grandparents for a wk while her and DH went skiing and kid ended up with broken leg in hosp and no parents, she wouldnt ever do it again.

mamalovesmojitos · 16/02/2011 22:49

YANBU go and have a great time.

Vallhala · 16/02/2011 22:49

Good grief, sorry, it's for just ONE week! All the more reason to go, and go alone.

Flojo1979 · 16/02/2011 22:50

Crazy, the lot of u, never in a million yrs would i ditch my kids and sod off to another country.
Probably the same ppl that get pissed at wkend too while kids r tucked in upstairs.

Original poster

notremotelyintofootie · 16/02/2011 22:52

Thank you squeaky and gnome, it will be just before my 40th and dh will be 42 so it's old fogey time anyway...

Problem with taking kids abroad is cost of passports! Bad enough for mine and dh's but another 3?? That makes a family holiday out of the question and dsd will prob Want to go away with mates anyway, she hates ds too, ds will have chances at school to go away with his mates and dd is too young to care! We will try and sort a mini uk break but with dsd's attitude to ds it not a great fun family time anyway! Dsd might go away with her mum too!

It's probably all academic anyway as dh is being a twat again, and as to nights out at home? We have no family nearby to help babysit and dh is too tight to pay towards a professional sitter.... My friend sometimes offers, which is how we have had 2 nights out but I don't want to take advantage of her....

OP posts:

Original poster

notremotelyintofootie · 16/02/2011 22:54

And no, I never get pissed when with the kids, asleep or not! The most I will have is 2 small glasses of red with food and then probably only once every few months!

OP posts:

Original poster

notremotelyintofootie · 16/02/2011 22:54

I really should drink more...

OP posts:

potplant · 16/02/2011 22:54

Go go go.

Kids aren't allowed anywhere near the casinos or bars and they are VERY strict about it.

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 16/02/2011 22:58

OP YANBU

Ignore the martyrs

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