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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say no kids on our proposed 2nd honeymoon/5th anniversary break?

56 replies

notremotelyintofootie · 16/02/2011 22:11

Ok.... Forget about any other issues I have with 'd'h but over the past 6 months or so we have been chatting about how it would be nice to get away for a second honeymoon/5th anniversary thing towards the end of 2012...

We have no time away from all the kids, there is dsd(15) who wants to move in this tear which will result in dd(15 months) sharing with us, thus even less time alone, and ds(11) who goes to his dads on alternate weekends.... Since dd was born we have been out twice.... We are also skint and every trip with dsd and ds has not been appreciated by either....

So we were thinking about las Vegas and we could save and sell bits on eBay as a treat for us....

This weekend dh went up to his parents to see his dad and dsd went over for the afternoon, I didn't go with dd as it cost too much to travel up....

Tonight dh casually mentions that somehow dsd thinks she is coming to Vegas with us!!! She'll be 17! I said no way! That ia supposed to me our time bot with the bloody kids and dh said 'well you'll have to tell her she's not coming then....' ffs!!! How the hell did he let her invite herself???

Aibu to say no kids? (btw if things don't improve in other areas there wont be a 5th anniversry!)

OP posts:

borderslass · 16/02/2011 22:58

YANBU we've been married nearly 21 years and only went away on our own for the first time last year, which was for my 40th and that was in this country.
DD1 looked after DS[16] and DD2[15] but the only reason we've never been able to do it before is because DS has SN and we've no one to look after him apart from DD1.

Vallhala · 16/02/2011 22:59

Flojo:

Type in English, not text-speak. That way, even though what you're saying is ridiculous, it won't look quite as infantile.

I very, very rarely drink, and never ever to excess. I'd find your comment offensive if it wasn't so laughably inane and unconnected to the topic in hand.

BigChiefOrganiser · 16/02/2011 22:59

I get pissed during the week too flojo, why save it for the weekends!

OP, YANBU, I would be hesitant going abroad, but that's just me. If you and DH feel comfortable then start saving towards it and have it as something happy to look forward to for the pair of you. Have a blast!

pointydog · 16/02/2011 23:04

It's not a good start if this is your dh's attitude. Sounds like it might not be worth the hassle and family arguments. If you're willing to deal with all the flak, fine.

muminthemiddle · 16/02/2011 23:05

YANBU

Go and go alone!!!!!

Who cares what other posters think (although you have posted in aibu).

Your kids will be well looked after whilst you are away.

gerontius · 16/02/2011 23:05

Erm, if buying three passports would be far too expensive, how can you possibly afford to go to Vegas?

curlymama · 16/02/2011 23:07

YANBU at all. You need to do this for the sake of your marriage. I'm sure dd woul rather have happy, together parents and a lovely week at Nanny's than parents who never do anything together and make her see them divorce as a result! She would be with her GP's, not dumped in an orpahnage!

As for dsd, of course she can't go. Dh will have to sort it, as he's the one thathas allowed her to think she can. Surely at 17 she is capable of being reasonable enough to see that if the other two aren't going, she can't either.

I think you do have bigger issues tbh, if dh can't stand up for your relationship and your need for some time together, he will have a lot more to worry about than a dissapointed daughter.

squeakytoy · 16/02/2011 23:12

I dont think you are unreasonable for wanting to go btw.. but I would say, considering how tight your finances are.. it does sound a bit of a pipe dream.

You are looking at 5 days in vegas costing you £500 each for the flights, and then a minimum of £500 for your accomodation and food... and thats before you have had a gamble...

Vegas is brilliant, but it is not cheap.

It sounds like you need a break though, so why not do something more realistic, like a romantic week somewhere a bit closer to home for a fraction of that price.

dinosaurinmybelly · 16/02/2011 23:20

Agree with squeakytoy - you could have a lovely time somewhere close to home where you don't have to pay money away on airfare and air taxes. I say YANBU at all to want to spend some time alone, and DSD is old enough to understand that she cannot come. DH has left the ball in your court, so just have a quiet word next time she you have the opportunity and then the whole matter will be put to rest, and you can start looking forward to your break!

Flojo1979 · 17/02/2011 12:34

Oh yes, the queens english for those dinosaurs that still use it. And u say i went off track, ummmm...wtf!!!

Flojo1979 · 17/02/2011 12:40

I think I'll go to disneyworld alone and leave the kids with the grandparents, who cares if they havent had a holiday for 5 yrs so long as I have a good time. Never mind the pressure of scrimping and scraping.

Try spending your money on some relationship therapy, much more effective than a botched pipe dream to vegas.

rubyrubyruby · 17/02/2011 12:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fedupwithdeployment · 17/02/2011 12:57

OP, A break with DH (without children) could be just what you need, but like others, I would question whether Vegas is the best place to go.

Slightly different, but, my DH was abroad for 8 months last year, and I went to see him for one long weekend. It was fabulous. I would have loved to have taken the children (and they would have loved to have gone)...but flying 2 small boys to the middle east for a weekend in June would have been madness as well as ridiculously expensive. Having coped on my own (while working full time), it was a break I needed and deserved. I was resentful of DH, and pretty p**d off with things...the break with him gave me some perspective.

And Flojo's attitude is unhelpful to say the least.

nikki1978 · 17/02/2011 12:58

Hush up and stop being a twat flojo there's a dear

Go and have fun. Tell DSD that you are having a break by yourselves. It is very important to have time away as a couple in my opinion. DH and I go away twice a year for a weekend but we have been away for longer before.

Go and have fun. Can you afford to take them away too at some point? My kids are quite young so are not bothered by hols yet. Do yours go away with their fathers at all? I doubt the baby cares one way or another

GnomeDePlume · 17/02/2011 13:00

We have been abroad with DCs and without. Hell, we lived abroad for several years with DCs. What's the big deal about going abroad? Getting back to the midlands from the highlands of Scotland is a hell of a lot more hassle than coming back from the continent in an emergency.

Personally I wouldnt go to Vegas because I have watched too much CSI. Now, the south of France, that is and has been a different matter.

MmeLindt · 17/02/2011 13:03

Oh, do get lost Flojo.

OP
Go for a break alone. Think carefully about whether it really has to be Vegas though - you could do a great week away for less in Europe. But if that is your big dream then go for it.

We went to Rome for a second honeymoon, or honeymoon revisited. Without the DC. It was great.

fedupwithdeployment · 17/02/2011 13:23

We had a weekend in Florence for DH's 40th - brilliant. And now mine is approaching VERY FAST...and I know we have a night, poss 2 away from the children (don't worry Flo Jo, they won't be abandoned on their own). Probably in Bognor, but I am hoping that it is somewhere nice. And if it isn't he will pay for it come the 10th wedding anniversary later this year....

By the way FloJo, our boys have had some extremely nice holidays (with us) and are happy well adjusted little chaps. They have even done disneyland for a day...and we had the temerity to do it without DH.

Yukana · 17/02/2011 13:51

I'm concerned about the thought of leaving the 18 month old and 11 year old on their own, but I expect you have plans for that? If not, then I would postpone the idea until you have something that can at least sort that out.

As for your step-daughter who will be 17 when you are supposed to go, it's really taking certain things into account. First of all, can she cook for herself or clean? Will she trash the place? You also need to think about her maturity and if she knows how to keep herself safe.
Not only the above, but how long are you planning on going for? Anything more than a week would be a flat no.
Her attitude is something you will probably need to talk to her about if it's particularly bad, there is no need to yell or anything, I'd advise just having a talk with her. Spend some time with her and get to know her.

Other than this, there is nothing wrong with going on a special holiday without the children on the rare occasion, but I'd advise to take your children on most holidays, not only to save costs but I think the children could do with the experience!

No, you are not being unreasonable to break as a couple. It's true break-ups and divorces can be troublesome and/or confusing for the children, but put it this way, sometimes staying together does more harm than good, depending on the situation.

I can't think of anymore to say, but I hope you are able to figure things out.

Panzee · 17/02/2011 13:53

My mum and dad used to go away most years without us as they had to work through the school holidays. My brother and I went to our grandparents', and bloody loved every second of it. Don't you dare feel guilty!

Original poster

notremotelyintofootie · 17/02/2011 20:08

None of the kids will be left alone, dsd will be with her mum and step dad( and she has plenty of holidays with them!) and ds will be with his dad and step mum (and he goes on holiday with grandma and grandad and his cousins every year) and dd will stay with nanny and grandad who live 5 mins away from two sets of aunty and uncles and cousins close in age so will have a ball!

Vegas would be fab but we have considered Italy or Ibiza!

OP posts:

JingleMum · 17/02/2011 20:22

IBIZA??? you little raver you!

YANBU at all

go and have a ball.

my dd is only 16 months old, so personally i wouldn't leave her at this particular age, but once she turns 3 she is getting packed off to my mothers and i'm hitting the caribbean!!!! well, maybe not the caribbean but i will be having a little holiday with my DP. i fantasise about it!

cakeywakey · 17/02/2011 20:24

Some of my family used to go on one week holidays every year without their kids - who would have grandparents move in and have an amazing time. Pre-children I thought that this was a really selfish thing to do. But ...

... now I have my two DDs I think it is genius and cannot wait for our first Mum and Dad only holiday. Doesn't do kids any harm to realise that parents have their own needs and relationship.

PegsonaNewNose · 17/02/2011 20:27

YANBU- Go for it

Yes to more

Eglu · 17/02/2011 20:30

Does your DH think it is fair for DSD to go and not the other DC. THat is unfair anyway. Also 17 yo in Vegas will nto be able to do much.

bronze · 17/02/2011 20:31

Go go go

I know you want it to be just the two of you but I can squeeze up small and will leave you alone there ...

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