To say no kids on our proposed 2nd honeymoon/5th anniversary break?

[notremotelyintofootie]

Ok.... Forget about any other issues I have with 'd'h but over the past 6 months or so we have been chatting about how it would be nice to get away for a second honeymoon/5th anniversary thing towards the end of 2012...

We have no time away from all the kids, there is dsd(15) who wants to move in this tear which will result in dd(15 months) sharing with us, thus even less time alone, and ds(11) who goes to his dads on alternate weekends.... Since dd was born we have been out twice.... We are also skint and every trip with dsd and ds has not been appreciated by either....

So we were thinking about las Vegas and we could save and sell bits on eBay as a treat for us....

This weekend dh went up to his parents to see his dad and dsd went over for the afternoon, I didn't go with dd as it cost too much to travel up....

Tonight dh casually mentions that somehow dsd thinks she is coming to Vegas with us!!! She'll be 17! I said no way! That ia supposed to me our time bot with the bloody kids and dh said 'well you'll have to tell her she's not coming then....' ffs!!! How the hell did he let her invite herself???

Aibu to say no kids? (btw if things don't improve in other areas there wont be a 5th anniversry!)

Flojo - naff off over to netmums, there's a dear. You'll find a lot of huns over there who will share your shock at the evil mums over here who actually like existing without being only an adjunct (look it up) to their offspring.

A 17/18 yr old will get very frustrated in Vegas; She won't be able to drink or gamble, and it's not something that can be worked round any way. She won't even be able to stop walking to look around (!) on the red carpets through casinos - she has to keep going!

That said, if it's going to cost all you have and require extreme scrimping, maybe it's worth looking around for something else that wouldn't break the bank so much, as others have said. Are you taking a break with the kids somewhere too? Could you find somewhere with kids clubs so you can combine family time with couple time?

Step parenting (which I gather you are both doing, IYSWIM) an be incredibly stressful and difficult. Don't let any fool tell you that spending child free time as a couple is somehow neglecting your kids - time to talk to your DH, reconnect with him, remember why you got together in the first place will be fantastic for you and can only make your relationship better and your kids happier.

And it'll give you something to look forward to in difficult times!

Teens often do make assumptions about being allowed to join any activity they fancy and it certainly won't have occurred to her that you may be wanting some romantic time together (imagine teenage 'ooh gross' expression here - in fact we should have a smiley for that) and blokes IME are rubbish at telling kids 'no' particularly if there are guilt issues. Tell him you will be happy to explain to her that this is an adult holiday and suggest to her that as a long term project she and DS can come up with a holiday destination they agree on and a plan of how they are going to help raise cash for it say the following year.

Balia - I think that you have made an incredibly wise and sensible post.

Thanks.

YANBU at all. We have gone away without the kids and had a wonderful time. We are lucky to have enough money to do both, and would prioritise the holiday WITH them if we didn't, but you're only talking about a week, when you have very little time together. Vegas would be hellish for kids anyway.

I think your dh is BU for making you be the bad cop to your dsd but - also think you are YAB a little U because:

A week is a long time away for a child of any age

Its not like you are having a family holiday as well - everything is geared towards this holiday in terms of saving - so it is only you and DH having a nice holiday over the next few years

I dont think you should never leave your kids BUT I think a long weekend is more appropriate and I also think when you have children you have to sacrifice some things - such as week long holidays in Las Vegas