to honestly want a balanced view?

[happyfairy]

so im about to be flamed... and start another debate that ends the samebut................

so there has been a number of posts about bf in the last few days

im pg with dc 2 and am deciding what to do with regard to feeding whilst i would like to consider bf i am being put off by my circumstances (1 dc, no emotional/practical support for bf)

the answer to bf is always babymoon, go to bf groups, dont do anything but sit on the bed/couch and "bond" get peole to do the house work for you and bring you snacks put any other dc's in front of the tv or read to them

if you cant do this and ff your feeding your baby inferior product not fit for purpose and risking your childs life as your too stupid/ selfish/ not trying hard enough

so what happens if no one will do your housework/ bring you snacks/do your shopping
what if you cant go to bf groups as you have a 4 year old and shes not welcome at the 2 local bf groups as its for under 4's, what if you have to take dc1 to nursery by 12 and cant sit around wating for dc 2 to feed, what if you don have the emotional/physical support to maintain establishing bf as everyone you know is pro ff.

what if the midwives want you out as quicky as possible so arent paticully bothered and freeily provide formula on the ward

yes i know breast is best but i think some people live in a bubble where they cant see that bf is not always going to work in combination with lifestyle and futher pushing of the "try harder if you fail at bf your just not trying hard enough and your child will get ill" mentality just makes unnessary heartache for many women.

i just feel alot of pressure is put on new mums on this forum and i know im about to be flamed but i feel bad for so many mothers who are being ripped to pieces for not bf for whatever reason by facts and research to prove there a failure and there child is doomed - maybe its not always that simple and its a shame some cant see that?

whilst there are those who genuinly want to support bf i think theres some who just want a fight/ to make others feel bad so they can feel better about themselves? sorry been thinking about this alot the past few days and wondered if i was alone in my views?

my mil goes to tesco

I wouldn't beat yourself up whatever you choose, but all that stuff in OP is not true ime. I live abroad, have no family near me and have 4 kids. I bf all 4. No 2 was born when ds1 was 17 months old. So I had a 17 month old running around, no family to help. I certainly didn't have a babymoon or lounge around on the settee. I just got on with it. I was lucky, it clicked, and I found bf far quicker and easier than ff. When ds3 was born, ds1 was 4 and ds2 was3. they were both at home full time so again, busy, no help, no baby moon. and again bf.

When dc4 was born ds1 & 2 had started school, ds3 still at home. I bf her for 2 years.

I'm honestly not saying it like 'ooh, look at me', I'm saying bf doesn't mean you need loads of help, support and people running round after you. It can be a lot easier. No buying things, sterilising, running out, warm milk on tap 24/7.

But do what you want or need to do.

Also bear in mind that, like everything, people post most here with problems. you won't read about effortless bfing on mn because those people aren't asking for advice on it. Also those who do struggle with it usually fix the problem very early on (or stop, which is fine) but either way you won't hear any more about it - so if you were to follow up on all the desperate posters saying "help I am desperately struggling to bf my week-old baby" you will probably find that 4 weeks later, a good proportion of them are really happy and have almost forgotten the tough days at the beginning. And a very high proportion of those didn't have babymoons!
Anyway please don't worry, it's bad for you. Have some chocolate instead

what is bottle propping?

How does one guarantee a short feeding easy latching good sucking not falling asleep on boob baby at conception please?

Happyfairy - I'm in a similar situation to you and I'm really worried about it. I think I'm going to give it a go, because I know it will be easier in the long run. But if it's a disaster then I'm determined not to beat myself up if we go onto ff.

One thing I am considering is hiring a postnatal doula. I know that's not a financial possibility for many people so I don't mean to be insensitive, but it's an option I'm looking at (it's about £10 ph). If I have her for say 3 hours a day for three weeks that's £450 - about the same as a cheap family holiday I figure. The advantage of that is I can brief her to help me get the bf right.

If one of the other mums could help with the nursery drop off and pick up also for a couple of weeks, that might help?

Whats with all the BF/ff debates in AIBU ?

BF/FF... I think it's all much of a muchness really. I really resent all the pressure on Mums.

There are endless anecdotes about BF babies who weren't healthy and FF babies who were - and vice versa.

As long as the baby is fed and happy, does it really matter in the long run?

From a health point of view ,i would think a babymoon is actually quite a dangerous thing to do , couple of weeks in bed , would put you at risk of a DVT or PE .Aswell as it being completely impratical in the vast majority of households !

As for the bf/ff thing OP ,do as you wish, how many people you know who have children the same age as your DC1 even mention it anymore ?
The plus side of bf is economic , boob free ,formula ,well i was spending at least £15 a week at one point .

Do what feels right for you and what you feel you can manage in the situation you have. I exclusively breastfed DD1 for 7 months, only giving up when she lost interest. I had every intention of doing the same for DD2 when she started to refuse the breast at 8 weeks. I then formula fed her and she was so much happier. If she had been my first DD, I would probably have persevered, but probably for my own reasons, rather than hers. You can't control these things. When you have two to look after, things are much different. Good luck whatever you choose to do!

I agree with bumpsoon that the financial argument is a key argument in the BF/FF debate, due to the money you'd save. Along with the immunity-from-disease argument (bollocks IMHO - my DD got every cold going from the start and bloody chickenpox at 3 months) isn't the financial argument one of the main reasons why UNICEF and others promote BF in the "developing world"?

I am a big fan of BF but think each to their own. You have given it considered, mature thought and seem to have reached a conclusion that works for you. Good luck to you!

I think the key reason it is so heavily promoted in the developing world is because it doesn't rely on strict sanitation practices and access to clean water, and even a poorly nourished lady is able to feed her child.

Hadn't thought of that, NinkyNonker, thanks (sorry, did try to read UNICEF website but it wasn't very clear).

"dont do anything but sit on the bed/couch and "bond" get peole to do the house work for you and bring you snacks put any other dc's in front of the tv or read to them"

I'm sorry you don't have support for BF - I was very appreciative of the support I got but that was from other women I knew that did it and for a short period of time my Step Mum (though she lives 1000's of miles away). I didn't go to any groups (not really a group person) - I don't know what Babymoon is.

But I must comment on the quote from your OP above. I BD DD for 14 months and didn't see it like you mentioned at all.

Yes there is a bit of sitting around feeding but surely FF babies involves sitting around too? I can't imagine you'd just give a (young) baby a bottle & leave them to it??

DP & I were very on/off for the first few months of DD's life. I ate lots of muesli & eggs when I was disorganised with the shopping. Still BF was loads less hassle (to me) than getting up in the night preparing formula, and you don't need to prepare stuff to carry around when you go out either. No bottles or organise, sterilise etc, nothing to buy. For me as a lifestyle choice BF was the really easy (lazy??) option - once the first month is over & you are both really good at it, it is a piece of cake.

When DD was aged 2-5 months I lived on a remote island, population 14 (inc me & DD). I didn't have shops, electricity, anyone to cook for me most of the time, didn't have running water for 4 weeks and was on my own for 5 days out of 7!!! I'm just telling you this to illustrate just how easy it can be to BF once you are established, and how very little you actually need to do it.

IMO people who BF aren't matyrs. For me it was the nice simple easy option esp once baby is a little bigger and you can pretty much sleep through the night feeds :)

As for housework, it either will get done or it won't with a new baby & young toddler. No biggie. You can choose not to stress about it. I don't see how BF/FF would make a difference apart from FF contributing by creating more cleaning/work.

But at the end of the day if you don't want to do it, then don't. It's your choice afterall.