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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To avoid asking for advice of mumsnet because all you get in response is a flaming??

125 replies

angelicapickles · 15/02/2011 22:23

A poster asked for weaning advice, and rather than answering her question she mostly got replies telling her not to wean.

Someone asks a question about formula feeding, they get jumped on about why they're no breastfeeding.

A c-section - why not vbac or a natural birth!

These days when I have a question, I keep it to myself!

OP posts:
FindingStuffToChuckOut · 16/02/2011 10:56

I think it might depend where you ask for advice.

Why solicit weaning advice in AIBU?? She wasn't really asking for weaning advice, but AIBU for weaning at 4 months (to ask you all to tell me what to do!!!) - which lots of people are going to have a wide range of opinions on & guess what - they have been invited to give them and they shall!

I think the weaning thread would have been entirely different and probably more what she was looking for had she posted in Parenting or Food or even in Chat.

YABU to equate MN with AIBU.

jasminetom · 16/02/2011 10:58

manic, you are lucky, all I get are retirement catalogues and the Plumbs stretch sofa cover sale booklets. Why? Not only that but they post them 3000 miles to my mailbox here and I have to pay £5 per envelope to release them!

GloriaSmut · 16/02/2011 11:00

Advice on that thread seems very reasonable. Even more so given that the topic was raised in AIBU.

But then AIBU does seem to have turned into a repository for topics that have fuckall to do with "being unreasonable". Result being that as soon as someone offers up a realistically worded reply, there's an Invasion of the Fluffyhuns - spelling and all.

jasminetom · 16/02/2011 11:01

what's a Fluffyhun? I hope I am not one, they sound horrid.

manicbmc · 16/02/2011 11:02

Lmao @fluffyhuns Grin

melikalikimaka · 16/02/2011 11:03

I think some people can be cruel and judgmental but it can be useful to hear another side. I have seen some threads that have got nasty and I did feel sorry for the OP.

But hey! That's entertainment!Wink

Trinaluce · 16/02/2011 11:10

I agree with the op to a certain extent - I asked a question about getting the DD to leave the dog alone and the first two or three suggestions were 'rehome the dog'...

Bumperlicious · 16/02/2011 11:10

Well some people can post less than helpful responses but I can honestly say I have never seen anyone on a thread posting for advice on ffing being told they should be bfing, unless it is clear they want to bf but are getting duff advice from hv/MIL etc.

lovenamechange100 · 16/02/2011 11:17

OP I agree with you. A long while back I asked for some advice re DS when he was a toddler and someone said its been done, do a search Shock the message this sent me:

1)If you are new to MN tough, you should have been here the first time round it was discussed

2)If you are an exisitng member but a new parent, tough you should...as above

3)You never would get advice about your specific situation and therefore engage and get to know people

I left and only have come back occasionally, I found the FLYLady thread very helpful and friendly. I was ignored on one thread yesterday - I really must get to the gym.....

BeribbonedGibbon · 16/02/2011 11:23

[ignore] namechange [deadpan]

The thing is OP she was weaning at 4 months as I recall. MN is never going to be the place to get advice on weaning at 4 months.

The archives are a great source of help.

MN has helped me many a time. It is a great place for advice and support imo.

lovenamechange100 · 16/02/2011 11:44

Well I suppose that depends whether you want interactive and up to date advice or passive online reading advice

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 16/02/2011 11:55

I think that people have to remember that an opinion or post that does not agree with you, does not neccessarily constitute a flaming. Suggesting other options need not neccessarily constitute flaming either. A flaming is more than just an opinion or some advice contrary to the OP's decision.

MrsSparkle · 16/02/2011 11:58

YANBU. I actually find mn (mostly) not a good place to get advice from from my experience. I have seen many threads over the years where the op has asked an innocent question only to have their words twisted and flamed.

It's a great place to bitch though or to just have a general chat about various topics. But for advice it wouldn't be the top of my list tbh.

I asked an innocent question a while back and the first reply, without having any other info about my business except what was in the op, they said "Glad i don't work for you." Very helpfull.

MrsSparkle · 16/02/2011 12:02

"MN is never going to be the place to get advice on weaning at 4 months."

Well it should be. This is after all a parenting forum. Just because someone wants to do something outside the guidelines that shouldn't mean it should be dismissed.

lospolloshermanos · 16/02/2011 12:06

sorry to hear ur upset OP
better that than ..completely ignored
I made a thread the other day asking because I'd rather hear actual opinions that googled explanations,,some differ etc

got tuimbleweeded because how dare I wander over the threshold, quite upsetting tbh the level of cliquieness from some folk,

I have to say vast majority of people here are v. helpful I've been on some nasty forums inthe past, I appreciate this one

BeribbonedGibbon · 16/02/2011 12:11

Why should it be MrsSparkle?

It goes against current guidelines and most people think it's detrimental to the baby's health.

KazBarTheFriendlyGhost · 16/02/2011 12:22

I thought my advice on that thread was good actually so yes, YABVU.

She was having trouble introducing food - I suggested increasing the ounces. (good advice)

Then I advised that I'm about to introduce baby porridge and told her when I'd fit this in to my routine - (which is what the OP asked)

I also asked what made her think dd was ready for weaning - saying that I would wait until 6 months unless dd seemed hungry, it was later established that her dd had trouble bottle feeding....

No flaming on my part, so again, YABVU

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 16/02/2011 12:23

Wasn't there a recent study that showed that weaning at 4 months was not neccessarily detrimental to a baby's health, BG? If I recall correctly the advice given was that a baby should be weaned at 4-6 months, depending on the individual baby.

FWIW, I had my dses in the Dark Ages, when the advice was to wean at 4 months, and all three have grown up to be strapping healthy boys with no food intolerances or allergies, and the same is true of most of the children that they grew up with, so most people's belief that it is detrimental ignores a lot of anecdotal evidence to the contrary.

MrsSparkle · 16/02/2011 12:24

But it's not up to you to decide is it. If someone wants to go outside the guidelines that is up to them and they should be free to ask for advice from others. It's called being helpful and nice.

If someone starts a thread asking for advice about something that you don't agree with, you could always just gently say "Government guidelines say..." and give them the relevant info. Or you could just egnore the thread and let people make their own choices?

BarbieLovesKen · 16/02/2011 12:26

Sorry, didnt read all. In fairness its because alot of those are in AIBU.

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 16/02/2011 12:26

YABU
I started a thread discussing the possibility of sleep training my 3mo baby, half expecting a flaming. i actually found it to hugely supportive. i love mn, i really do.

MmeLindt · 16/02/2011 12:30

I thought that weaning thread was very supportive. Where was she flamed?

atswimtwolengths · 16/02/2011 12:30

Trinaluce, you say:

"I agree with the op to a certain extent - I asked a question about getting the DD to leave the dog alone and the first two or three suggestions were 'rehome the dog'..."

But weren't you the OP who stated that your daughter was hurting the dog?

kenobi · 16/02/2011 12:31

I've always been given great advice too. Even if the opinions didn't tally with how I felt it's really useful to get other viewpoints.

But then again I don't post deliberately inflammatory questions and I stay away from bunfights (I lurk, obviously but I don't post!)

I'm always slightly surprised when people say mumsnet is evil/unkind. Full of strong opinions, yes but not malicious. Also find it weird when people post in AIBU and are surprised to find their views challenged. You posted in AIBU, what did you expect FGS!

KazBarTheFriendlyGhost · 16/02/2011 12:34

Please can someone just confirm that I was nice to the OP in question - then I can go do some work :)

FabbyChic - I think the use of "Assholes." was a bit strong tbh - You seem to be having a bad day, I hope it gets better...

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