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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have called the police?

55 replies

hopefull55 · 15/02/2011 11:36

long story short - about a month ago
husband and i had a disagreement (he was in the middle of very unreasonable and quite mental for a month) and so i went out. came home at about 10.15pm to find he had locked himself in our bedroom with our son who at the time shared our room (ds now 9 months old.)
i knew that ds needed the rest of his milk as it had been a patchy eating day and that he would cry on and off all night till he had it. i knew dh would not give it to him as he had often said he felt that feeding him at night was wrong, which i disagree with if he really needs his milk, he should have it. i tapped lightly on the door and whispered "please give him the milk he wont stop crying other wise" and "are you ok please answer im worried" and did this intermittently for about 30 mins when i could hear ds cryign. at no point did dh call out and say its ok, and i started to be seriously worried that he had a heartattack and that my son was locked in a room with noone to come to him.
so i called the emergency services, asked which one was most appropriate, they said the one that comes quickest the police, so i said fine, can the police come, it was really awful when they came - three!! squad cars and runnign in and shouting its a domestic its a domestic and all our neighbours heard. it was a horrible horrible experience, and dh was of course ok and basically trying to wind me up and upset me.

he thinks i was mental to do have called them, and is still angry with me.

I think that it is totally unacceptable to lock yourself in a room with a crying baby and not make it known you are in there too and safe.

am i being unreasonable? what would others have done in a similar situation?

OP posts:

Glitterknickaz · 15/02/2011 11:38

YWNBU
must have been terrifying for you

disapprovinggirlfriend · 15/02/2011 11:38

They came in shouting 'it's a domestic, it's a domestic'?!
Really

Portofino · 15/02/2011 11:39

I would also have called the police in that situation - though alternatively I might have knocked down myself first. I hope you are OK! He sounds like a right twunt.

idobelieveinfairies · 15/02/2011 11:39

Did you warn him you were going to call the police?

Chil1234 · 15/02/2011 11:39

It was not unreasonable to call for help but you were rather foolish to leave a baby in the care of a man you knew to be 'unreasonable and quite mental'.

VinegarTits · 15/02/2011 11:39

i think your dh sounds unhinged and you need to get him some help

i would have called the police like a shot in this case

peggotty · 15/02/2011 11:40

Your H is a complete and utter twat. He was using your ds to punish you. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. He is the one who is mental. Does he often do things like this?

Memoo · 15/02/2011 11:40

Ooopsadaisy · 15/02/2011 11:40

YANBU - It was potentially an emergency.

You did not know what you would find when you got in there.

I can't be certain, but I think I'd have done the same if neighbours/friends did not have a key.

theagedparent · 15/02/2011 11:40

I think that you didn't really have a choice but to ring for help. Your dh was being very foolish and trying to worry you

manicbmc · 15/02/2011 11:40

Your 'd'h sounds like an utter moron. He'd rather endanger, potentially, your child to prove a point than deal with it in an adult manner. He basically used your child because he was in a mood and backed you into a corner where you felt you had no option but to call for help. He should be thoroughly ashamed to have put you in this position.

Memoo · 15/02/2011 11:41

What does 'quite mental' mean? He was depressed? Manic?

carriedababi · 15/02/2011 11:41

oh poor you, what a horrible experience, you did the right thing

what a twat he is

SmellsLikeTeenStrop · 15/02/2011 11:42

I bet your DH won't be trying that again in a hurry.

You did what you felt was best at the time, to get help because your DH had locked himself in the bedroom with a baby and was refusing to answer. As you said, anything could have happened.

JockTamsonsBairns · 15/02/2011 11:43

Your DH sounds truly despicable, and I really feel for you living in amongst this. Can I ask why you're still with him? I never normally say this, as I realise there's much more to relationships than the snapshop you get on MN, but I'd have left him by now. He was unutterably cruel to your DS and that, for me, would've been the end.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 15/02/2011 11:43

You did the right thing.

Why are you still with him?

He was sitting in that room, with a crying child, choosing to not speak to you, knowing that you were becoming more and more frantic.

That is cruel to the child, it is abusive behaviour to you. He was punishing you his intention was to terrify you. It is emotional abuse.

What are you going to do? Your husband used your baby to frighten you. I think that is inexcusable.

GypsyMoth · 15/02/2011 11:44

Can you explain what the police actually did??

slimbabe · 15/02/2011 11:46

I would have done exactly the same. However, I would be giving serious consideration to leaving my child alone again with someone as unstable. He clearly needs help! this was cruel to both you and the child. I would insist he gets immediate treatment. If he refused at all - get out.

deepheat · 15/02/2011 11:48

Your DP's behaviour does suggest he is an absolute, class one twat - or alternatively that he is very ill and in need of fairly urgent professional help. Whichever it is, good luck in trying to respond, and you were quite right to call the police.

NearlySpring · 15/02/2011 11:51

The first part of your OP makes no sense:

"he was in the middle of very unreasonable and quite mental for a month"

Do you mean he was having mental health problems? If so then I guess YWBU to leazve him at home alone with the baby.

As for calling the police - did you explain to them the full situation? Normally if you call 999 and say that you think someone may have "collapsed behind locked doors" as they call it then you would be put through to the Ambulance Service - who would bring tne police with them to force access. So if you were concerned he had collapsed or had some other medical emergency I am truely confused as to why you requested police and no ambulance? Police are not much help if he had just had a heart attack!

3 police cars? Them rushing in like that? It sounds as though they thought it was domestic argument which had got to the stage where your husband has taken your baby "hostage" for want of a better word..perhaps you didn't explain it to them properly..?

He was behaving stupidly and immaturely but I'm not sure I'd have done what you did. Did you call out to him that you were about to call the police? I think in the first instance after no reply from him for 30 mins and I was concerned for his welfare then I'd have given the door a kick to open it - but perhaps that's just me. You don't really need the police to break an internal door down (depend on your doors obviously).

kreecherlivesupstairs · 15/02/2011 11:51

And it's taken you a month to post it?

HecateQueenOfWitches · 15/02/2011 11:53

NS - I assumed that to mean that he was being an unreasonable bastard, but not that he had a mental health issue that would have clearly led any reasonable person to know they should not leave a baby alone with him.

If the OP did leave a baby alone with a man in the middle of a psychotic episode or similar, then that was a very stupid thing to do.

BodleianBabe · 15/02/2011 12:02

Why does your bedroom door have a lock on it??

Vallhala · 15/02/2011 12:05

NearlySpring sums it up for me.

I'd have kicked the door in, far faster and more effective than calling the police. Then I'd have kicked the by now ex husband out - no-one locks me in or out of rooms in my own house bar the bathroom when using it for purpose and sure as hell no-one would lock my babe away from me.

But then again, if he was unreasonable and mental (was that what you meant?) I wouldn't have left my child with a man like that in the first place.

solooovely · 15/02/2011 12:06

Jesus! I'd have done the same. What did the police say when they kicked the door in to find him sitting there?

He had your baby locked in there and was refusing to speak to make you suffer. What an arse hole!

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