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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask if you would use donated breastmilk if it was available rather than formula?

712 replies

bubbleymummy · 15/02/2011 11:32

Inspired by another thread.

I personally would rather use donated milk. If you wouldn't - why not?

OP posts:
skiphopskidaddle · 15/02/2011 14:05

I find the idea of giving cows milk to a young baby quite icky, too, so I'd probably opt for soya if I couldn't give my DCs BM

MilaMae · 15/02/2011 14:06

Pesticides can be transfered to bm so surely it follows that food high in crap ie crappy over processed,fatty meat could be present too.

As I said before research is continually coming out/changing so personally I'd rather feed my dc food I know exactly the content of.

Now if I was assured the bm of an organic eating,vegetarian who lived in the country away from spayed fields,car fumes and never took any medication,alcohol or exposed herself to cigarette smoke then I may,just may be interested.

fedupofnamechanging · 15/02/2011 14:06

The shortest time I have bf for is 4 weeks, the longest time 4ish months. After that, my DC had formula. I have to say that all my DC have thrived, not just survived and they are healthy. Formula is not poison.

JamieLeeCurtis · 15/02/2011 14:06

Missy

Babies look up at you when they FF - actually they gaze into your eyes the whole time. It's lovely. And fathers and grandparents are aso able to experience that - so that feels like some sort of compensation for not bf

MissyKLo · 15/02/2011 14:07

There should be more focus on helping mums to bf where possible and to learn how to persevere with it - there is not enough help or perseverance

OhForFucknessSake · 15/02/2011 14:07

i have to say, i never experienced this extra bonding with ds2 (just stopped feeding last month at 20 months). i dont feel any closer to him than i do to ds1 who bf til 7 weeks. to me it was just feeding them, one had a bottle and one had the breast. i know others have noticed a difference. i just haven't.

IHateLivingHere · 15/02/2011 14:08

Proof?

You obviously haven't read the whole thread very well, have you?

I'm sorry, but the minute anybody dares to say they wouldn't accept another woman's bm for their baby, the bf clan (I stand by that name - they've been around so long it's boring) jump down their throats with the "How can you do that to your baby" rubbish.

This is boring me now, so I'll leave you to it.

FreddyTeddy · 15/02/2011 14:08

Skiphop Out of interest (not trying to be arsey, honest) why would a soy be better than milk from another mammal?

skiphopskidaddle · 15/02/2011 14:09

Actually bubbleymummy why can't we demonize formula? Formula promotion in third world countries results in thousands of unnecessary deaths every year, through diarrhea. Fine if you're in a rich country and can guarantee you're making up the bottles with clean water and sterile equipment - your baby probably won't suffer, but even in the UK formula fed infants have higher rates of gastrointestinal problems than breastfed ones. So I think we should be able to demonize the stuff if we want to as breastmilk is undeniably better for babies.

JamieLeeCurtis · 15/02/2011 14:09

As you can see I'm wound up about this, but I have changed my mind. If BM were available for DS1 I would have taken it, because I felt so guilty. But honestly, demonising formula does not help that. I felt guilty because there was so much pressure to breast feed, yet so little help (10 years ago)

MilaMae · 15/02/2011 14:09

Bollocks to the bonding Missy I've done both with all 3 of mine and there is no difference what so ever.In fact I'd go as far as saying I bonded far more with formula because breast feeding was the most hideous experience of my mothering experience to date and I dreaded every minute of it.

Looking down on my happy babies bottle feeding,relaxed,pain free was truely lovely.So much so I'd never bother with the 6 weeks of bf torture again,missed far too many lovely moments.

MissyKLo · 15/02/2011 14:10

Jamie

Didn't mean to dismiss that bond at all
Just pointing out that bf ing is unique as baby is drinking from you as a mum and as they get older and realise this and get excited it feels
Like a nice bond

But of course there are lots of ways to bond

OhForFucknessSake · 15/02/2011 14:10

"jump down their throats with the "How can you do that to your baby" rubbish."

again proof? you haven't shown me where this has happened. and yes i have read the whole thread. back up your accusations or dont make them.

emskaboo · 15/02/2011 14:10

Of course it isn't but bm is, well, best.

I donate to a local scbu, having had donated bm as a prem baby myself, and being saddened that it couldn't be offered to my DD when she was in SCBU as she was in the lowest dependency unit and there wasn't enough to offer to babies unless they were in high dependency.

skiphopskidaddle · 15/02/2011 14:11

FreddyTeddy I don't think I'm being entirely rational here, but it just seems weird to give a little one stuff from a cow rather than totally synthetic chemicals. I haven't had to make that decision though - it's just that I find cows a bit stinky and moo-ey whereas soya are just beans in the frozen bit of the supermarket :)

JamieLeeCurtis · 15/02/2011 14:11

skiphop - that is just not my experience. By all means rail against formula companies, but that's not my experience in the UK

Mishy1234 · 15/02/2011 14:12

Lots of different opinions here as expected.

However, for me the emphasis should be on CHOICE. For those who would like to use donated bm instead of formula, that choice is currently limited. I would like to see donated bm being made available to all newborns who need it (at their parent's choice of course) as a good start. More milk bank facilities for those mums who would like to donate too.

No, formula is not poison. Not at all.

Everyone should be able to choose, no matter their circumstances, that's all I'm saying.

FreddyTeddy · 15/02/2011 14:12

Skiphop I see what you mean now, cows certainly are stinky, there is no denying that!

JamieLeeCurtis · 15/02/2011 14:13

Missy

Thanks for acknowledging that. Smile

I may actually leave this thread soon .....

bubbleymummy · 15/02/2011 14:14

Ibatelivinghere - I haven't seen anyone do that. Just plenty of questions about why they think a cow's milk from an unknown origin is better than a woman's milk from an unknown origin?

OP posts:
smileyfacestar · 15/02/2011 14:15

I would certainly use formula instead of donated breast milk. I struggled to feed my dc myself after the birth but then stopped and refused to feel bad about it.

MissyKLo · 15/02/2011 14:16

That's up to you millymae

Jamie - I am sorry you felt guilt, if you tried and had no help of course you should not feel bad!

I don't know about demonising formula but I have to admit I strongy object to it being given so freely - o have to be honest! I am not on about women who have tried and tried and had no choice to give up but I do believe that bf is about persevering for most women as I know how horrendously hard and painful
And stressful it can be but I also think it Is something women should persevere with in most circumstances

wannaBe · 15/02/2011 14:17

of course people are demonising formula. "breastmilk gives a baby everything but formula is merely keeping them alive" (not exact words but as near as..)

Of course there are studies that show the benefits of bf. But most of these are based on people in the 3rd world, where water is contaminated and thus formula is not safe.

Equally the WHO guideline to bf for two years is based on the 3rd world where immunity to disease is limited, again due to contaminated water supplies.

Ironically there was a study recently that showed that perhaps babies should be weaned earlier but oh no we must disregard this because a formula manufacturer might have been involved. Hmm

People are so hung up on the breastfeeding issue that they can't actually see how smug and self righteous they appear to be.

The only reason why women feel guilty over their inability to breastfeed is because other women give out the message that they have somehow failed. You don't need to tell someone that they're a failure to make them think it - just keep spitting out the message of the evils of formula and you'll do just as adequate a job.

As long as people are feeding their babies it really doesn't matter. And actually, breastfeeding is not the be-all and end-all, if you can do it good for you. But nobody else really cares. And nobody else should really care if someone bottlefeeds.

bubbleymummy · 15/02/2011 14:19

Skiphop - I actually agree that the ethics of formula companies are extremely questionable. However, for the purposes of this thread and in the interests of avoiding a bunfight I am trying to stick to a donated bm v fm debate rather than getting into that! :)

OP posts:
JamieLeeCurtis · 15/02/2011 14:19

You know what's interesting though, Missy - I chose to FF DS2 - or at least I welcomed the excuse to give up pretty quickly when I had to have a blood transfusion. I knew it suited me and my family. I knew my DS1 has done well on it.

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