Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Done areally really selfish and terrible thing, the guilt is crushing, but wwyd?

72 replies

brokeoven · 13/02/2011 16:30

So 2 friends, who dont know each other.

Friend one, whos birthday it is. She only has me and one other friend, no family, she is older than us, but lovely, lonely and lovely company.
We arranged weeks ago to go for a nice meal tonight as she wasnt planning on doing anything.
She was thrilled as she doesnt go out, never goes any where nice as she has very little money and no one to go with.

Friend 2 has had a baby and havign a rough time, also a lovely lovely friend, her car was stolen from outside her house yesterday.
I babysit for her regularly to help out, do a bit of cleaning etc for her.
(i work full time and have a ds of my own, with NO help at all)
She has asked me to go round tonight as she is feeling very fed up, her dh and pil are there to comfort/help her.

Feel very very VERY guilty and completely torn, but told her i have no one to watch ds so cant go round.

I am so ashamed i feel like crying.

WWYD? I deserve a flaming for this, so flame away. SadSadSad

OP posts:
Katey1010 · 13/02/2011 16:32

Two deserving friends, you had to pick one. You must know YANBU, if you don't you need to stop giving yourself such a hard time.

Original poster
brokeoven · 13/02/2011 16:32

damit, ive had a rough few months too, and was really looking forward to a nice meal and glass of wine tonight.
I just know what its like with a new baby and how awful it must be to be a victim of crime.

OP posts:
Original poster
brokeoven · 13/02/2011 16:33

i have promised to go round tomorrow night,

OP posts:
sloggies · 13/02/2011 16:33

Don't feel bad. You had already made a commitment to Friend One. Would have been perfectly reasonable to have told her this.

scurryfunge · 13/02/2011 16:33

Your second friend has her dh and pil to help her....so she isn't on her own.

TheMonster · 13/02/2011 16:34

I think you should go for the meal as planned.

Bogeyface · 13/02/2011 16:34

I am not sure what your question is! WWID about what?!

You made a previous arrangement and cant let down friend 1, so you have to say no to friend 2, who has others there to support her, is that right?

You shouldnt have lied to her, because chances are you will get found out, but apart from that I dont see the problem tbh.

nannyl · 13/02/2011 16:34

YABU (to be feeling guilty)

pop in and see friend 2 tomorrow... she has her DH and PIL around tonight anyway

IDontThinkSoDoYOU · 13/02/2011 16:34

I'd like you as MY friend! You're lovely you are.

They no doubt love you loads so ring back the second friend and tell her what you're really doing. The second friend has others to comfort her, the first friend doesn't have anyone. Maybe, possibly (?) you could fit them both in, say go round to second friend on way to first? I know that sounds complicated.

TrillianAstra · 13/02/2011 16:34

You sounds as if are being a bit pathetic TBH. Why are you crying? What are you ashamed of?

There was no need to lie, but you already have plans and had no obligation to go and see friend 2. She has other people with her, she is not desperate.

Original poster
brokeoven · 13/02/2011 16:34

no but my dh is obviously home, i told her he wasnt available to sit ds tonight.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 13/02/2011 16:35

You made another commitment before she asked.

What's the dilemma?

A real friend would accept that. I would.

Lawm01 · 13/02/2011 16:35

I don't understand why you can't just tell friend 2 the truth? that you have something planned for this evening.
She has her DH and PIL to support her if she's feeling low.
You can't be at her beck and call at all times, as much as you might want to.

Perhaps you could get an extra pud from the restaurant tonight and drop it round to her after work tomorrow to show that you were thinking about her this eve?
I just can't understand why you feel so bad about this ... ?

belgo · 13/02/2011 16:35

I'm not sure why you are feeling guilty?

It is probably best to be honest under the circumstances, to say that you have a night planned with a very good friend.

Friedn 2 has her dh and PIL and you can arrange to see her another time.

But really, don't lie about having a babysitter, as you may get caught out.

Wordsonascreen · 13/02/2011 16:35

the guilt is crushing you Hmm

its hardly an AIBU

TrillianAstra · 13/02/2011 16:35

Will that do? That's the closest to flaming I can manage :)

RealityIsKnockedUp · 13/02/2011 16:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NinjaCuckoo · 13/02/2011 16:36

I don't see why you felt the need to lie - you had a perfectly good reason why you couldn't go round. If she's a good friend she wouldn't judge you for that.

Still not a nice choice to have to make I agree, but it will come back to bite you on the arse if she finds out you lied.

Original poster
brokeoven · 13/02/2011 16:36

I know but "sorry you have had car nicked, but actually im off out for lovely meal" thats just a bitches selfish thing to say is it not!

Not crying but feel shit about it all.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 13/02/2011 16:37

Reading your further posts, my considered opinion is that you are massively over reacting to this and being dare i say.....a bit of a drama queen?!

[Dons hard hat....]

yogididabooboo · 13/02/2011 16:37

you shouldn't have lied.

but other than that you have done nothing wrong.

TrillianAstra · 13/02/2011 16:37

I don't think friend 2 is doing any emotional blackmailing Reality. Friend 2 presumably didn't know what OP was doing, she just asked her to come over.

Ragwort · 13/02/2011 16:37

It is not at all selfish although not sure why you had to tell friend 2 a lie? You could have just said that you were very sorry but you had already made plans for tonight and made another arrangement to see her. She has her DH and in-laws with her so it shoudn't be a problem.

You sound like a lovely friend, please don't feel guilty, go out with Friend 1 tonight and have a really nice evening - ring Friend 2 back and let her know when you can see her (is it possible to offer to babysit for her tomorrow so she can go out for Valentine's Day with her DH Grin?)

Original poster
brokeoven · 13/02/2011 16:38

oh and the lure of good food........i fucking love good food me....

gahhhh

OP posts:
kayah · 13/02/2011 16:38

no idea how lying to her would make her feel better?
I know - how one can feel after car being stolen, it happened to me 18 months ago and it was my fault, but that feeling passes and we have to learn to livwe through difficult emotions.