Done areally really selfish and terrible thing, the guilt is crushing, but wwyd?

[brokeoven]

So 2 friends, who dont know each other.

Friend one, whos birthday it is. She only has me and one other friend, no family, she is older than us, but lovely, lonely and lovely company.
We arranged weeks ago to go for a nice meal tonight as she wasnt planning on doing anything.
She was thrilled as she doesnt go out, never goes any where nice as she has very little money and no one to go with.

Friend 2 has had a baby and havign a rough time, also a lovely lovely friend, her car was stolen from outside her house yesterday.
I babysit for her regularly to help out, do a bit of cleaning etc for her.
(i work full time and have a ds of my own, with NO help at all)
She has asked me to go round tonight as she is feeling very fed up, her dh and pil are there to comfort/help her.

Feel very very VERY guilty and completely torn, but told her i have no one to watch ds so cant go round.

I am so ashamed i feel like crying.

WWYD? I deserve a flaming for this, so flame away.

You were silly to lie, but I can't see why you felt the need? A simple,

'sorry I have plans with X which I don't want to cancel at such short notice, I will see you tomorrow' would have done surely?

I am also slightly at Friend 2 ringing you to attend for support when she already has her DH and PILs there. Makes me wonder whether she is actually taking advantage of you on a regular basis? WTF are you going and cleaning someone else's house when you work full-time and have your own DCs?

you had a prior engagement - end of story! Are you really, genuinely this self-critical? If so, you need to give yourself a break.

I fail to see any dilemma here.

Unless you are a paid PA to friend 2 of course.

As far as I can see, this is all about you and how kind and thoughtful and all-round lovely you are. Either that or, yes, you are a massive DQ - do you really think that either of these ladies would shrivel up and die if you didn't grace them with your presence this evening?

YABU to have lied.
YANBU to have kept a previous engagement. That is the right thing to do in the absence of flood/family death/etc.

Agree with style posts above.

Jesus wept yoy have evidently never done anything genuinely dodgy which you ought to feel guilty about.

This is such a non dilemma - why the heartache and 'the guilt is crushing'. What a complete OTT reaction. I suggest you lay off reading Danielle Steel novels.

All you had to say was no Im going out with so and so its her birthday.

Whats wrong with that at least its the truth.

you cant do both, so you had to do what you had promised first

chill dont feel guilty, and dont lie next time!

Danielle Steel novels.... Snorts unattractively with childish giggles.

What's with the OP's reference to cleaning/ babysitting for Friend2 but states she ( OP) works and brings up child with NO help?

And both these friends sound super needy. Do you go for needy friendships subconsciously?

Just twigged after re-reading this. It's a wind-up isn't it? It really really is a terrible piss-take isn't it?

A twinge of guilt yeah... But really really terrible and selfish????

Why the dilemma? You can't let your first friend down on her bday and you should have just been honest

Don't get why you so upset by this

agree friend 2 sounds like a USER and OP like a victim

You would only need to feel guilty if you canceled your plans with the birthday girl. You can't be in 2 places at once. Just wondering though, why didn't you simply tell her you have plans for the evening though instead of lying?

You are very weird
or this is a dull wind up.

Just to explain, im a bit funny about frindships at the moment because one of my closest frineds died about 3 weeks ago.

It got me thinking (Obsessing a bit) about how people are here one minute and then gone the next.

Kinda made me think a bit more deeper about friendships and how we should stick together and be there more for each other so i feel especially sensitive about letting people down.

So not being weird or drama queen or attention seeking, just allowing my thoughts to tie me up in knots and guilt get to me.

I think that i am a good friend, both are friends in need, and OBVIOUSLY i dont seek out needy people for frindships, these are both long standing good old friends who would be there for me, i just hadnt reckoned on what i would do if more than one person needed support at once.

Any way, its worked out ok, im going to car theft friends tonight, with cake for a coffee and to offer sympathy.
Birthday friend had lovely evening and i kinda gave myself a kick up the arse after reading all your replies.

Thanks madam for your kind response.
grief is a funny thing, it has made me think less clearly and tbh this isnt like me.

Car theft friend was fine about the whole thing. Shes kinda resiliant.

Thanks again.

You need a cicatrice and a good scourging.

whats a cicatrice? can you eat it?

She doesn't sound very resilient to me