Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Done areally really selfish and terrible thing, the guilt is crushing, but wwyd?

72 replies

brokeoven · 13/02/2011 16:30

So 2 friends, who dont know each other.

Friend one, whos birthday it is. She only has me and one other friend, no family, she is older than us, but lovely, lonely and lovely company.
We arranged weeks ago to go for a nice meal tonight as she wasnt planning on doing anything.
She was thrilled as she doesnt go out, never goes any where nice as she has very little money and no one to go with.

Friend 2 has had a baby and havign a rough time, also a lovely lovely friend, her car was stolen from outside her house yesterday.
I babysit for her regularly to help out, do a bit of cleaning etc for her.
(i work full time and have a ds of my own, with NO help at all)
She has asked me to go round tonight as she is feeling very fed up, her dh and pil are there to comfort/help her.

Feel very very VERY guilty and completely torn, but told her i have no one to watch ds so cant go round.

I am so ashamed i feel like crying.

WWYD? I deserve a flaming for this, so flame away. SadSadSad

OP posts:
belgo · 13/02/2011 16:38

Do you really think your friend will fall apart if you tell them the truth?

Original poster
brokeoven · 13/02/2011 16:39

heheheheh Grin i LOVE that you think im a drama queen, id love to be a drama queen!

OP posts:
glastocat · 13/02/2011 16:39

Oh FGS! Just tell her you have a prior engagement, its not difficult! There is absolutely nothing to feel shit about, she has other people to help out!

GiveMeStrength2day · 13/02/2011 16:40

Why on earth do you feel ashamed?? Because you said you had no-one to watch your DS rather than because you'd already made plans?

I think absolutely you've made the right choice. You made plans with Friend One weeks ago so it's only right you should stick with that. Plus the fact you said she doesn't really have anyone else except you and one other friend. If you hadn't have done a lovely thing and arranged a birthday meal for her, she probably would have stopped in alone. Whereas Friend Two, whilst she may well be going through a rough time etc etc, she isn't alone and it sounds like you give her regular support anyway with babysitting.
You sound like a nice person - stop beating yourself up!! Smile

Original poster
brokeoven · 13/02/2011 16:40

na wont fall apart but when some one is in need i feel as though i am turning my back in favour of stuffing my face Blush

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 13/02/2011 16:40

Well anyone who is so concerned that a friend will fall apart without their wise counsel and is threatening tears over it, IS a drama queen!

And you seem to have perked up no end in the space of a few minutes.....

Original poster
brokeoven · 13/02/2011 16:41

its chinees and EVERYTHING....

yummmmmmm

going round tomorrow, will take big fuck off chocolate cake

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 13/02/2011 16:41

'I know but "sorry you have had car nicked, but actually im off out for lovely meal" thats just a bitches selfish thing to say is it not!

Not crying but feel shit about it all.'

Just tell her you made other plans!

And sorry, but unless you're getting paid, cut all the babysitting and chore-doing out.

This 'friend' sounds like a user and a mooch.

traceybath · 13/02/2011 16:41

God - I thought from the title you were going to have shagged your friend's husband or something.

It really is no big deal - you had a prior engagment with an equally deserving friend.

And a stolen car is really not the end of the world - a hassle but seriously not exactly a major crime.

dearprudence · 13/02/2011 16:41

See friend 1. Friend 2's situation is not serious/urgent enough to make it reasonable to let friend 1 down.

Wordsonascreen · 13/02/2011 16:42

cough

[attention seeking]

cough

traceybath · 13/02/2011 16:42

Golly why with the cake? You don't have to buy friendship by cake or chores you know.

Honeybee79 · 13/02/2011 16:42

Go for the meal as planned.
Your other friend is not alone and you can't always be there for her - sounds like you do plenty to help her anyway!

Bogeyface · 13/02/2011 16:43

:o Wordsonascreen

Not just me then?!

belgo · 13/02/2011 16:43

'I babysit for her regularly to help out, do a bit of cleaning etc for her.
(i work full time and have a ds of my own, with NO help at all)'

TBH you don't sound like you feel guilty at all, you just sound like you are looking for sympathy, and for us to tell you how nice you are.

Wordsonascreen · 13/02/2011 16:45

mind you MN are like cybermen at the moment

its not allowed to disagree with an OP

[awaits deletion]

belgo · 13/02/2011 16:48
Grin
RedHeels · 13/02/2011 16:48

Well, I thought you were going out to spend some time with your lovely and lonely friend on her birthday but really you seem to be more interested in the food you'll be having. So what I'm getting here is that you don't care too much for Friend 1 as you're focusing on the 'lovely' food and would rather hang out with lovely but no so lonely Friend 2. And that's why you're feeling guilty.

RedHeels · 13/02/2011 16:49

Also ow can you have NO help at all, if you have a DH?

RedHeels · 13/02/2011 16:49

how not ow

pigletmania · 13/02/2011 16:52

YANBU at all, you made a committment to friend 1 so you have to honour that. I would have told friend 2, that you were sorry but have made other plans and arrange to meet another time. Stop feeling guilty Smile

Original poster
brokeoven · 13/02/2011 17:03

wow that turned on its head.

I consider that to be my 1st ever MN ass kicking, not bad going, been on here for 5 years!

I shall go with cake (slightly obsessed with food, as you can tell! reason my car theft friend and i get on so well, is that she is too!)

Thanks for views Confused

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 13/02/2011 17:09

Your friend with the stolen car has her husband and parents in law "comforting her".. its only a bloody car for gods sakes.... she hasnt been bereaved!

lospollos · 13/02/2011 17:17

make it up to the other friend, another time?/

hobbgoblin · 13/02/2011 17:23

You are a fabulous martyr. Not so sure how much of a fabulous friend you are but I do know that melodrama and martyrdom maketh not the best friends a woman can have.