To wonder how you teach children to sit still and listen at home?

[shimmerysilverglitter]

On another thread someone said that kids are going to nursery never having been taught to sit still and listen. Maybe I am none to bright but I am not sure how you could teach this. My dc eat at the table every night, we out a regular amount and they are well behaved when we do this, I read to them daily and they sit and listen, if we are doing a craft or activity they are involved and engaged.

My dd has just started nursery and already they have said she doesn't like sitting down for circle time and story, I am not sure how I could have taught this and whether it is a natural thing anyway. Does ANYONE like sitting and being herded around in a group of 25 or more? It bothers me that this is being used as benchmark for good parenting really. Any thoughts?

rope and a cattle prod

Staple gun

Maybe you need to be teaching your daughter a bit better then before she is classed as disruptive and inattentive.

It really is not difficult to teach a child to sit still and be quiet for short periods of time.

How do you do it then squeakytoy?

In the same way you teach them to say please, thankyou, and to do as they are told...

All of which my kids so most of the time. So how specifically do you make a child sit down and engage in a group activity if they don't want to.

LOL @ waitwhat & staple gun.

I taught my DD to sit quiet and still if she wanted a book reading to her or if I had something to say to her.

Shimmery, children have to understand that if their teacher says they have to sit down and be quiet, then that is what they have to do, not get up and walk about.

That's a bit harsh squeaky, to say you should be teaching her better! We're talking about a toddler I assume if at nursery!

My dd is 2 and whilst she's learned to say please, thankyou, sit at the table etc, she would readily get up and wander during storytime.

I teach my daughter nice manners through repetition, praise and consistency. But I can't re-create the excitement of a group of toddlers in a huge playroom full of toys that evidently distracts her.

Op, for what it's worth I take mine to library story sessions so I can be on hand to chastise and praise the relevant behaviours and it is slowly getting better.

did you miss the bit of my post then???

I understand that but how specifically can that be taught at home apart from verbal instruction. Dd doesn't walk around, she sits but doesn't like doing so and so doesn't join in or become engaged by the activity being done with the group. How could I have taught her to want to at home as it is being held up as evidence of poor parenting.

But kids do have to do things they dont always want to do. If you were in a restaurant you wouldnt let them get up from the table and wander around would you?

So a child gets told that the teacher is in charge and they have to do as they are told when they go to nursery/school. Even if they dont like or want to do it.

I know that and as I said before my children ARE well behaved and sit still in the circumstances you describe. When at school though she does not enjoy circle time and doesn't join in with the activity just sits looking miserable. Someone on another thread said that kids needed to taught to sit and engage even if they don't want to or it is evidence they have been poorly parented and they should have Ben taught it home. I am not disputing the necessity I am asking HOW it is done as I feel I have already encouraged good manners and behaviour to the max.

Thanks thedoctorswife unfortunately although loving the library with me she never liked group stuff there either although loves playing with kids at the park etc.

I'm shocked they're expecting young children to start nursery being able to sit still and listen. It's completely inappropriate at this age.

Young children find it incredibly difficult to sit still for any period of time. It's part of the development of their brain in that they need the movement to concentrate.

If I may quote Jennie Lindon on the subject:

"A child does not need to stay still in order to concentrate...
The most advanced level of physical movement in children's development is the ability to stay completely still. So, it is scarely surprising that young children do not relate well to lengthy group activities that require them to sit quietly and listen or look...
the requirement to be still is actually the source of the disruption to their powers of concentration." (quoted from Helping Babies and Toddlers Learn).

Parents definately shouldn't be trying to teach their children this skill before they arrive at nursery and nurseries that expect it are showing their ignorance about child development, in my opinion.

Squeaky - profuse apology yes I missed the wink. Sorry. I'm on my iPhone with poorly dd on lap so reading off tiny screen. Genuine apology for pulling you up.

How old is your dd as mine doesn't like group stuff either. But developmentally at 2 don't they play alongside rather than with other children?

Mine will readily chase older children, copy them etc but she wouldn't engage with them yet. And she always stands up when listening to stories, in fact lots of kids at the library do when I think of it. There is always a little group that are standing or wandering whilst listening.

If it's evidence of bad parenting then I'll join you in the naughty corner,shimmerysilverglitter! My dd is 2. I also engage her in activities at home but they tend to be initiated by her. So she may bring a book to me and say 'want to look Mummy'. Or, I may suggest sitting and reading, but if she doesn't want to, I say 'Ok, shall we do some painting then? Or would you like to play with your tea set?' I certainly don't make her sit and listen to me read if she's said she doesn't want to. That would feel very unnatural. And I'm not talking about good behaviour eg sitting when she eats, which she absolutely has to do. I'm talking about engaging with her, and developing her love of activities such as painting and reading. It's just that at some points in the day, she feels like sharing a book with me, and at other points she doesn't. The thing at nursery of course is they are working to a more set timetable. TBH, I think to a certain extent it is the job of nursery to teach her how to be part of a big group - it's why I send my dd to nursery, so she learns that other children have different ideas to her and that she has to adapt slightly, and also so that she learns that when listening to a story she can't always discuss in depth what she's seen in the pictures with the adult, because the other kids are trying to listen too. I think you've done a good job by fostering a good attention span and getting her to enjoy reading etc. I don't really know how you can encourage her to take part in group activities when you are at home on your own with her! The only suggestions I have would be toddler groups and the like, or perhaps tea parties with some small friends (as in other children, not just short people!) with you setting up group activities and encouraging and rewarding her participation.

It sounds as though you have taught her how to behave appropriately for nursery. If you hadn't then she would be disrupting the class or wandering off during circle and story time. The fact that she sits there shows she knows how to behave.

She's not engaging because she doesn't like it and I can't see how you can teach somebody to like something they don't. She has learnt that in social situations we have to do things we don't want to for the good of the whole.

You are overthinking this.

I agree 100% with Tanith. 2 - 3 years of age is so very young. Far too young to be expected to sit still for any length of time. The nursery should re-evaluate this matter and work around the ages and stages of development of the children in their care. They seem to have unrealistic expectations at this stage.

There will come a time when the children have to sit still and listen. For most children, this will come in time with the right guidance and encouragement as OP is already doing.

Sounds like you have a lovely DD. The transition from home to nursery environment is huge. At such a young age 3? she will not be used to "sharing" and developmentally is not geared to on such a large scale (25). She will, adjust and cope along with her cohorts who are experiencing exactly the sme thing.