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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you mention this to school?

56 replies

Rockmaiden · 12/02/2011 22:34

DD has been on a weekend trip with school, only one night and returned today full of lovely stories about what a great time she had.

When talking about sleeping arrangements (she was hoping to have a top bunk) she told me that yes she did get a top bunk as did everyone else in the class and then went on to tell me that her friend who I won't name was the only one to sleep on the bottom bunk.

Thinking this was fairly innocent I said ' oh does 'friend' not like the top bunk' and the rather disturbing reply was ' yes she does but ' other child in class' said she's not allowed to sleep at the top because she has black skin'

I felt so sorry for this poor girl and then DD went on to tell me that she is the only firend this little girl has as the other girls say she is dirty and smells and they don't let her play.

I was so shocked that something like this was allowed to happen, the children in question are 7/8 years old so must have been supervised at nightime, why did no staff ask this little girl why she wasn't joining in?

I am thinking I may go into school and tell them what DD has said in case they are not aware of how much this little girl is being bullied.

We live in a very white community and she is the only child in the school that is non-white, sadly this sort of treatment isn't too un-common but this child's school trip was most likely ruined for something as stupid as the colour of her skin.

I just want to hug her right now, feeling very emotional. My youngest DS is mixed race and has not started school yet, seriously considering finding another school now when the time comes.

So anyway, what would you do, would you mention it to the school, child's parents?, perhaps the parent of the kid that was making racist comments?

Just can't bear to do nothing.

OP posts:
belledechocchipcookie · 12/02/2011 22:36

I'd speak to the teacher, poor child Sad

CarGirl · 12/02/2011 22:37

I would put the incidence in writing to the head and the governers and ask them what plans they have to cover "inclusion" issues in class.

It's really shocking. Can you invite said child around for tea?

tisallabitofafaffisntit · 12/02/2011 22:38

Please mention it to the teacher. They must address this in school.

IDontThinkSoDoYOU · 12/02/2011 22:39

Please talk to the Head teacher, this is very serious. My children are mixed race and require other adults to stand up for them if I am not aware of what is happening.
Thank you for wondering what to do and where to take it. The answer is to tell someone who can change it.

Portofino · 12/02/2011 22:42

Before you go in there, all guns blazing, they can't ALL have slept on the top bunk. I would want to understand more about this before I complain to the school. Small girls (and I have one myself) are sometimes prone to over exageration of the issue.

blackeyedsusan · 12/02/2011 22:44

poor child. yes do something. Children of that age can be nasty and the poor girl could be bullied all the way through primary.

stoatsrevenge · 12/02/2011 22:45

Tell the teacher. Don't think it's anything to do about the bunks. It's to do with what was said. I agree with you totally. Poor little thing.

hester · 12/02/2011 22:46

I wouldn't go in all guns blazing, but you may not get a better understanding of what happened without going all detective - questioning other children etc, which would be inappropriate.

So I would mention it to the school; up to them to put it together with their knowledge and understanding, and take any appropriate action.

I have a mixed race child, too, and my heart goes cold at the thought of this kind of thing happening to her.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 12/02/2011 22:46

Oh yes. Without a doubt. Report what your daughter is saying has been said. The school needs that information. They can investigate, they can keep an eye, they can start to educate the kids about diversity.

aurorastargazer · 12/02/2011 22:49

i definitely agree about putting things in writing - although i don't ahev experience of this (neither does my daughter) when dd was being bullied at school i ofudn out that once things are written down then the headteacher has a duty of care (not just a moral duty) to ensure that the child is helped

FreudianSlippery · 12/02/2011 22:52

Poor girl :( agree you have to tell the school.

And well done for your DD for still being her friend, when many would just run with the crowd and exclude her.

Original poster
Rockmaiden · 12/02/2011 22:53

When I say ALL slept on top bunk I mean all the girls, bear in mind there is only 8 girls in DD's class compared to 22 boys that are in a seperate dorm, so they would have been hugely out-numbered girls to beds as the place they went can cater for up to 100 children.

I'm not planning on going in 'all guns blazing' but am shocked it was allowed to happen, hasn't been noticed by staff before etc.

The way DD spoke it was as though this girl is regularly excluded and basically 'not liked' by the other girls in her class. I am also annoyed that these racist views have been imposed on my child.

We all know how much kids pick up from classmates and I don't want my children to have any part in racism, hear racist comments, etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rockmaiden · 12/02/2011 22:57

Freudian - Must say am very proud of DD, whilst she told me she did not defend the child in question at the time she did not join in as she likes said child and 'it's not her fault she is a different colour'

Not exactly positive but better than it could be. I did explain that it's not a negative thing and that she should be proud of her heritage etc.

We have a pretty diverse family so my DD is used to accepting a lot to be honest. I am gay and in a lesbian relationship, as well as DD have a step-son and mixed-race adopted son and brother in law is a pre-op transman so she is exposed to a fair few 'different' people which I think helps.

OP posts:
bringbacksideburns · 12/02/2011 22:58

How very sad.

Please tell the school. I think a talk is needed here to all the children.

And i hope your daughter continues to be this little girl's friend. Sounds like she really needs on at the moment Sad

Portofino · 12/02/2011 22:59

No, fair enough then. Some child is imposing an unpleasant POV. You should bring this up with the teacher.

AnyFucker · 12/02/2011 23:02

Yes, I would speak to the headteacher face to face

Make an appointment to see her/him

Original poster
Rockmaiden · 12/02/2011 23:05

Yes think I will put it in writing as suggested and speak to the teacher about what was said.

The child that started the comments is a regular bully and sadly has the type of parents that encourage this behaviour and don't see what their 'little angel' is doing is wrong.

Might make a point of sending DD in to school with her black dolls / barbies / books etc. just to get the message across.

It is show and tell on Monday after all :)

OP posts:
Portofino · 12/02/2011 23:19

Personally I don't see how making a big deal out of the colour of one member of the class is going to help. Surely that will be excrutiatingly awful for her?

AnyFucker · 12/02/2011 23:21

It is already awful for her, Porto

if the teachers handle it sensitively (and there is no reason why they wouldn't) it shouldn't be excruciating

better than ignoring the problem, IMO

Portofino · 12/02/2011 23:23

Should this not be better handled with the teacher making sure the girl IS included in things and addressing things as they come up....ie with the girl that made the comments...

CameronCook · 12/02/2011 23:25

IME kids can (a) be nasty and (b) get the wrong end of the stick, so agree you're approach is right not to go in all guns blazing, but something does need to be said.

AnyFucker · 12/02/2011 23:25

personally, I would tell and then leave it to the teachers for them to handle as they see fit

Portofino · 12/02/2011 23:31

xposts AF. I suppose I was imagining some class conversation where " we all have to be nice to people with brown skin" or "people with brown skin are just like us really". Worse than awful.

It's the poor behaviour of the other child/children that is the issue.

AnyFucker · 12/02/2011 23:35

yes, porto

I see what you mean

GettinTrimmer · 12/02/2011 23:39

Yes, without hesitation I'd say mention this to school. They need to deal with this.