To wonder how some people do it all?

[RunAwayWife]

I am worn out!!!
How do some people raise a family and work full time, and how on earth do single parents do it???

(I was raised by a single parent who was a SAHM however we lived with my gran and it was all a bit dysfunctional)

DH1 and I are separated and I have a new partner, so far this week has consisted of

Taking me mother shopping (she is disabled in a wheelchair and I do this every Monday)
I run my own home and DH1s home (he works full time) so housework is doubled.
Wednesday I had DS2 dentist in the morning then he had a school netball match in the afternoon that I went to before getting DS1 to the optician then on Thursday having to get DS1 to the dentist missing DS2s football match add to this working two days a week.

I am planning to go back to work full time when DS2 moves to high school in September (if I can find a job).

How on earth do people do it?

I am full of admiration for the people that do.

Well, stop running DH1s home for a start! His house is not your responsibility, even if he works.

You are doing your ex husband's housework?

I am a single mum. My marriage ended when my children were 10 and 7. They're now at university. I would say I had ten years of non-stop work, whereas my ex had ten years of adult company, money to go out, new clothes, foreign travel and so on. For many, many years I couldn't do anything spontaneously, unless I took my (often unwilling) children with me.

I often wonder whether I could have done more to save my marriage, but I know I couldn't.

I doubt he ever thinks about any of that - he certainly didn't once ask whether I needed a hand with their washing, ironing, etc.

why are you running his home?

Why on earth are you running his home?

Why on earth are you running your first husband's home? If it's not for shedloads of money then what the hell are you on? (psst - when you divorce them, you are no longer the chief cook and bottle washer)

other than that. It's really not hard. there are 24 hours in a day. you spend 8 of them asleep. that leaves 16. 8 to work. that leaves 8. couple for housework, couple for the kids, couple for you and you've still got 2 to play with.

Time management.

Tell him to pay a cleaner

does your partner help??

i;m single mum to 5 and i manage by cutting corners,getting dc to help and not taking on more than i can cope with!

I read it as running her dps home not her ex dh's

Our children go between the two homes, I just sort out clean bedding and clean clothes for them. I only do that once a week, also rounding up stuff that should be at "my" house and returning stuff that should be at DH1s.

I don't mind sorting the stuff out, DH1 and I get on very well and he does a lot to help me out too

I went back to work full time when my youngest was 5 (3 DCs).

My parents helped with childcare but my H worked away from home Mon-Fri so it wasn't easy.

No after-school activities as I didn't drive at the time. Dentist, optician etc Saturdays only - and I had to miss matches, concerts plays etc.

School holidays were covered by H & I taking separate days off & my parents helping out.

Why on earth do you run DH1s home for him?

Sorry, ex posts!

I was just wondering if I go back to work full time how on earth do I fit in the Dr/ Dentist/ orthodontist/ opticians/ and on and on and on!

Oh right
no idea with how you cope with all that
maybe you should get a cleaner

We do dentist etc in the school holidays

"I run my own home and DH1s home (he works full time) so housework is doubled."

is what you said. That indicates you do as much at his house as you do at yours.

annual leave days.

I don't know how people do it, but I am massively behind with everything and my house is in an absolutely terrible state.

make him buy his own bedding for the DC's - and wash it himself.

Unless it's stuff that's urgently needed at yours - make him drop it off, or just wait until they're next there.

FGS stop doing his bloody work - you're not his skivvy!!!!

I really think your dh1 has a great deal you doing his housework. What does your dp think about it?

DH1 picks me up from my mums every Monday and takes my mum and her shopping home, When DP and I go on holiday DH1 will go over to my mums and take her shopping, he also looks after my house and feeds the pets when we are away so we still do a lot for each other, (I don't drive) so I do not mind changing the bedding and sorting out a few bits.

Also I do not mind going to my mums and helping out, in fact I am happy to do what I do, its just fitting it all in
If I go back to full time work i have no clue how to fit everything else in, also 8 hours sleep would be a luxury

DH1 does do a lot of his own house work it is not as if I am chained to his sink

I have lost count of the times he has had to drop of things on his way to work that the boys have left behind and need.

Trying to get an orthodontist appointment in the holidays is rare as hens teeth.

what does your dp do in all of this??

ok - so once a week he picks you and your mum/shopping up - and while you're away on holiday (which I presume isn't that often ) he feeds your pets.

Sorry in my book that doesn't mean you have to run around doing his housework, and "sorting out a few bits"!! He's getting a bloody good deal out of it - while you're run ragged (he's obviously not doing that much otherwise he'd be doing more of running around with his children......)

The way to fit more in is........

stop being his skivvy - he's a grown man - even my useless exH begged asked me for a spare set of bedding each for the DS's (he was genuinely skint) and washes that himself.

I do wash their clothes when they come home from his - but that just goes in the general washing so I don't really notice it.

"I have lost count of the times he has had to drop of things on his way to work that the boys have left behind and need"

then buy a spare/ask on freecycle/beg/borrow/steal spares of the regular stuff. Then it won't matter as they can live in the respective houses permanently.

Otherwise (I'm taking a guess here that's it's usually more stuff left at his than yours......) tell him to get more organised and check what he's sending the DC home with.

You really need to stop doing anything for your DH1, he's a grown man and I'm sure perfectly capable of doing things himself. My Ex had a pretty steep learning curve when I left (as I always did 100% of the housework, one of the MANY reasons we are no longer together!) but he managed eventually.

As to how you cope when working, I'm a single parents with 2 DSs. I work full time. you do cope - the reality is you have 24 hours in a day. When you're working that knocks out 8-10 hours straight off. So the jobs you have to do need to be compressed to fit into the time you have left. Or they don't get done. Or you pay someone to do them.

Luckily boys dont seem to notice dirt or mess much :) I do minimal housework in the week, more at weekends. I don't iron.

Appointments (dr, dentist etc) you either take a half day, or work through lunch and make the time up. My dentist has early/late opening (8am some mornings, 7.30pm others). I dont get to see all the boys assemblys, plays or matches, but I make it to at least a couple a year.

I also expect my Ex to do his share - as they're his children to! - of appts etc. My job is as important as his (more actually , he works for himself so is flexible about time off). Don't expect to do everything yourself, as you're making a rod for your own back.