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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In expecting disabled people, to be more understanding?

82 replies

CFAW · 11/02/2011 14:48

My Dh is disabled, not anything you can see on the surface. He has chronic lung disease, and has a blue badge.

I am getting sick to death of getting filthy looks and tutting from other disabled people. Surely they don't think their badge is more valid than his, and must know not all disabilities are visible.

OP posts:
Memoo · 11/02/2011 14:50

It's people in general that need to be more understanding, not just disabled people.

Original poster
CFAW · 11/02/2011 14:52

I know, but it seems a hell of a lot worse from them to be honest. Surely the realise they don't give blue badges away for a laugh, they themselves have been through the process. IYKWIM

OP posts:
Strictly · 11/02/2011 14:54

Well my Step Mother has one for a 3 year old knee injury.... Believe me she doesn't need it but apparently her Dr 'insists' she should have it Hmm So tbh I do wonder how hard it really is to get one.

GypsyMoth · 11/02/2011 14:57

my exH had a blue badge,and we experienced this ALOT!!

usually from older people to be honest,as he was young and injured when in the forces.

Original poster
CFAW · 11/02/2011 14:57

Well i shall tell you, you need doctors backing. My husband gets higher rate dla and mobility, a lot of different docs have to give evidence!

OP posts:
Original poster
CFAW · 11/02/2011 14:58

IloveTiffany i must say i have noticed the same trend.

OP posts:
Ooopsadaisy · 11/02/2011 14:59

I see a lot of "Disability snobbery" ie - "my disability is worse than yours" or "my needs are greater than yours".

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/02/2011 15:00

Perhaps there should be a 'grading' of the blue badges. There was a time when they were quite 'rare', now there are many more?

I don't know why disabled people or any other people would tut at somebody who parks with a blue badge as they wouldn't necessarily know why the badge was given and really, it's none of their business.

BuzzLiteBeer · 11/02/2011 15:01

A lot of Blue badges are used fraudulently though,and it pisses people off. Not that its an excuse to give you the evils, but it helps to explain it.

Original poster
CFAW · 11/02/2011 15:04

Or do we assume they are used fraudulently because people like my husband are entitled to them? I don't ever remember anyone being charged with fraud for using a blue badge.

OP posts:
ledkr · 11/02/2011 15:09

its a shame that people have become so pre occupied with all this stuff and seem to have developed this sense of right.In the last few days there have been threads about people refusing to compromise over buggy spaces and shop workers setting up heavily pregnant women for bigger queues at the supermarket.I have just had dd and often experienced a kind of cruel disregard for it,eg. waiting patiently to get thru a gap in the supermarket and then 3 people pushing thru in front of me.I am almost dreading going out and about with the baby,cant take buggy on bus without hassel and cant park in p and c space without a row or at least some tutting.Why cant people mind their own business.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/02/2011 15:10

Well it's a bit like 'troll hunting' here isn't it? Report it, don't bait.

Blue badge abuse is on the increase but nobody should take it on themselves to determine whether or not is has been in individual cases because they just don't know.

starfishmummy · 11/02/2011 15:14

There can be up to a £1000 fine for misuse of a blue badge. Because its a fine( and may not be the maximum amount) it probably doesn't get reported much.

That's assuming it is a genuine blue badge and not a forgery. Not sure what they get for that.

taintedpaint · 11/02/2011 15:14

One of my father's moron neighbours used to come and use his blue badge to go shopping with (lazy bastard couldn't be bothered to walk the extra 50 yards in the Tesco carpark). Of course, my father was also a moron for letting him use it (but my father's moronic leanings are a whole other thread on their own!).

I also had a friend with a child with a minor disability, who admitted she didn't need the blue badge either but accepted it so she didn't have to pay for parking anymore. Nothing was ever mentioned about making her and the child's life easier, because it made no difference. She still, to this day, believes that she shouldn't have had it and was wrongly awarded it.

So when you know people and instances like the above, it's easy to become cynical about blanket usage of the blue badge. Doesn't make it acceptable that you and DH are treated badly, but you can understand why people aren't all accepting and understanding.

HettyAmaretti · 11/02/2011 15:17

Some people are twats. Disability doesn't cure twattishness.

Sorry he's having to put up with this attitude from anyone.

madwomanintheattic · 11/02/2011 15:22

when i was living in london there were frequently blue badge stories. they get stolen a lot too, presumably for use fraudulently. when we got ours (dd2 has cp) there was a letter with it detailing exactly how it could be used and who by.

my favourite was sainsburys in between f'bo and camberley, where the staff park in the disabled spaces if they are on the evening shift. apparently it's unfair to make them walk across the carpark if it's dark. so the lovely lady who pulled into the disabled space outside the shop at 3.25pm in front of me and hopped out in her sainsbo's uniform told me when i mentioned she had forgotten to put her blue badge on her dashboard.

um, but yes, i've seen blue badge crime reported. only usually in local papers tbh. usually as some sort of back-up to a problem parking story. with quotes from local businesses about how they are having to close because there's no parking.

TitsalinaBumSquash · 11/02/2011 15:25

You get with other things though. I have been confronted by a couple of elderly people when taking my son (who has a 'hidden' disability) into the disabled toilets, it makes me really mad to have to explain my sonds condition to gawping strangers, most the time I don't, I just tell them he is disabled and they will have to wait.

cocoachannel · 11/02/2011 15:28

My sister has CP, and genuinely needs her badge, but you can't tell immediately and we get very dodgy looks when out together and using a space with her blue badge- so I sympathise completely with you OP.

I also agree while heartedly with Hetty!

thefirstMrsDeVere · 11/02/2011 15:37

Its usually OAPs who give us filthy looks tbh. The younger people with disabilities I know are more clued up about hidden disabilites. The older ones with aquired disabilities seem to think you have use a wheelchair or be over 60 to need one.

My OH is big and strong looking. It is assumed he has stolen his badge. Dare I mention he is black as well without getting flamed for over sensitive percieved racism?

I fed up with the whole fucking thing to be honest. I fed up with the fighting for stuff, worrying about it being taking away, feeling like people are judging us, worrying about OH's health and what will happen to us if/when he gets worse, sick with worry about DS2 and what will happen to him when he is older, what if OH loses his job and how bloody hard it is to get employed if you have MS, how will I make up the hours to keep our WTC (I would have to find another 14 hrs per week) if I DID find the hours how the hell would OH cope with the childcare and school runs (he wouldnt) etc etc etc

So if anyone could sort all that out and give me back my healthy bloke who worked all hours and went out on the piss with his brothers, sort out my little boy so he can make sense of what is going on around him and please, please give me my DD back they can fucking have the fucking badge, the DLA and every bloody thing else.

Because I would go back to my well paid job and tell the DWP to stick it all up their arse.

I know that sounds like a list of self pitying whingeing vom inducing bollocks but its out now. So I can go and meet DS off his bus (which they are trying to stop so I would have to get two kids to two places, 3 miles apart at the same time).

Sorry Blush

BuzzLiteBeer · 11/02/2011 15:39

I read somehting recently about a big crack down on BB fraud and there were plenty of proven instances. People selling BB of dead people, stolen ones, using their relatives who were bed-bound or whatever.

Doesn't mean I don't entirely agree with you OP.

curlymama · 11/02/2011 15:57

I see a lot of "Disability snobbery" ie - "my disability is worse than yours" or "my needs are greater than yours".

This.

It's very true. Especially amongst old people.

Bogeyface · 11/02/2011 16:04

WHen DS had his when he was younger and his mobility was worse, I found that the main group we got this from was the elderly. We even got told to move because my son was young (he was about 10) and they were old so they needed it more! "My wife is a pensioner and has more right to it" were the words used! This was as I getting his wheelchair out as he had recently had an operation.

They parked nearby and I watched them both very spritely and stickless, wander into the centre! I am not saying they didnt have a "hidden" disability, but I was fuming that they seemed to think that they needed it more than he did in a wheelchair!

ValiumSandwichTime · 11/02/2011 16:10

I think it's human nature.

I agree with curlymama.

If you are getting any funny looks, I would go up to them in a totally non-aggressive way and say, "i know we all may look healthy, but x has lung cancer". It would make them think before judging.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 11/02/2011 16:11

Yes. You get people who do the whole 'top trumps' thing.

Be it - Financial
number of kids
relationship woes
in laws
and yes, disability too. Whether theirs or childrens.

It is a particular type of person who feels the need to make whatever their issue/problem is, more important than yours.

How dare you moan about X, don't you know I have to deal with Y.
You should be grateful you only have X to deal with, I have to deal with Y and that is much harder
X isn't a real problem, you should try having Y like me and then you'd know what a REAL problem is.

To this type of person I say simply - fuck off.

stuffthenonsense · 11/02/2011 16:11

would life be easier for (seriously)disabled (im not sure of the correct term here so apologies if that is offensive) people with badges if badges of one colour were given to non mobile, of another colour to impaired mobility and another for disabled mobility not affected. of course car parks would then have to colour code their spaces but if it would work, why not?