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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In expecting disabled people, to be more understanding?

82 replies

CFAW · 11/02/2011 14:48

My Dh is disabled, not anything you can see on the surface. He has chronic lung disease, and has a blue badge.

I am getting sick to death of getting filthy looks and tutting from other disabled people. Surely they don't think their badge is more valid than his, and must know not all disabilities are visible.

OP posts:
slightlymad72 · 11/02/2011 16:15

Stuffthenonsense, that wouldn't work, my DD disability changes from hour to hour, minute to minute, if we are lucky she can go day to day. She can be walking one minute paralysed the next, so how many colour coded badges would she need and how will either of us be able to remember which colour is for what?

thefirstMrsDeVere · 11/02/2011 16:25

I think the only thing that would work is people need to be educated about the nature of disabilty and to stop using the 'there is loads of fraud about' as an excuse for their crap attitudes.

If someone has a badge I assume it is legitimate. Why wouldnt I? I dont assume someone with a car has nicked it and there is loads more car crime than badge fraud.

GotArt · 11/02/2011 16:38

stuffthenonsense that makes sense but I'm sure someone would cite some sort of discrimination in pointing out people's particulars of disability.

I think the idea of loads of fraud is an excuse as well, for people to just bitch.

Disable washrooms and stalls are not 'reserved' for only disabled individuals. They are posted as such because they serve a particular service for someone who is disabled.

stuffthenonsense · 11/02/2011 16:39

slightlymad i would giive her the non mobile one, no question. life must be hard for you at times, i hope you have plenty of support.

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 11/02/2011 16:43

I imagine it's like expecting that black people shouldn't be racist, women shouldn't be sexist etc etc.

Humans - some are nice, some just suck whatever ability/disability/race/gender they are.

Reminds me of an article a few years back of a woman with a disability badge for her car - can't recall her disability, but it wasn't an obvious physical one. She drove a porsche & was subject to constant abuse by others. How dare a disabled person drive a porsche!

slightlymad72 · 11/02/2011 16:44

stuff, thank you.Smile

I think though it might leave us open for a flaming, we have enough of that when she's holding on to the door waiting for me to get her chair. Obviously being a teen she can't possibly be disabled, iyswim.

Support? thats a whole other thread.Smile

BuzzLiteBeer · 11/02/2011 17:08

It might be a persons excuse to bitch, but that doesn't make it not true. the people whose job it is to investigate it estimate that half of all uses are illegal.

This can't be a shock to anyone?

ReindeerBollocks · 11/02/2011 17:13

DH and DS have hidden disabilities and other peoples ignorance now just makes us giggle, we have to laugh or we'd spend more time crying.

I don't want to be judgemental but we have found we get a lot more comments from the older generation, not sure why but when we use DHs badge, questions tend to come from older people also with badges. We don't tell anyone anything, we don't need to justify ourselves or our use of the badge, it's legitimate - so we just smile and walk away.

MintyMoo · 11/02/2011 17:14

I'm in my early twenties and use a stick on bad days, I get such horrid looks I don't bother very often any more. None of my disabilities are visible, even when I had loads of time off sick (signed by GP) and was having numerous visits to the hopsital to see a specialist and to have x rays, ultrasounds and blood tests my employer didn't really believe me (are you sure you're sick?). Luckily I'm on better medication now and find walking without support easier.

I think a lot of people think disability only happens to people over a certain age in the majority of cases but it doesn't.

Original poster
CFAW · 11/02/2011 17:25

Estimated half of all users are illegal.

Erm who has said that?
That means all the doctors are fraudulent?

Come on that is ridiculous

OP posts:
StormInaCCup · 11/02/2011 17:26

How annoying for you - I have had cancer myself (in remission) and a few people I know who have had 'my' type of cancer (cervical) and have ended up effectively disabled as a result of their treatment (with colostomy bags, reduced mobilty etc) have had similar problems as not 'obviously' disabled IFSWIM. As many are young women (I was only 25 when diagnosed), people assume that there couldn't possibly be anything 'wrong' with them.

It's interesting actually also that one person I know who is asian is terribly racist, and a couple of my gay friends make comments that shock me as they are so blatantly homophobic.

On the whole, people should try and be a lot more understanding. I think if more people took notice of the quote 'Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some sort of battle' the world would be a much better place.

BuzzLiteBeer · 11/02/2011 17:39

was a quote from here but I've seen it before.

I'm not disagreeing with you. My ma had a radar key and a special travel pass (and would have had a blue badge had we ever had a car) and had people muttering at her because she didn't have a wheelchair or a guide dog. Some people are just cunts, being disabled is neither here nor there.

BuzzLiteBeer · 11/02/2011 17:42

and it doesn't mean that doctors are fraudulent at all, most illegal use is people selling old badges, stolen badges, using other peoples badges, and so on, nothing at all to do with the issuing of them, which I think most people on this thread know its very hard to get them in the first place.

TandB · 11/02/2011 17:47

It is nothing to do with doctors committing fraud. There is a big black Market in the badges, especially in London. I used to prosecute blue badge fraud for the local authority.

I am not sure that has much to do with people's attitudes though. A lot of people seem to enjoy thinking the worst of others.

TandB · 11/02/2011 17:47

X posted

GotArt · 11/02/2011 21:59

So today, I saw a city parking attendant puttering around a vehicle with a disabled sticker in the rear-view mirror...(in BC, Canada) and thinking about this thread, I thought to just ask him if there was a way he was able to check if the stickers were fraudulent cause I couldn't imagine the police going around doing this all day. He said that as the city parking attendants (in Victoria, not sure about any other city around, maybe Vancouver) can because they punch your license plate number in to their hand held computer and your vehicle's history comes up, which include unpaid tickets, fines, past infractions and whether you vehicle has a right to have a commercial license or disable sticker. How cool is that?!

madwomanintheattic · 11/02/2011 23:21

GotArt, that's interesting, but in the UK the badge is awarded to an individual, not a car. so the license plate is not relevant, really. we used dd2's blue badge in a number of different cars, and lent it to gp's or friends if they were driving her...

and i'm not sure what happens here (i'm in alberta)... ought to find out, really...

MavisEnderby · 11/02/2011 23:30

lol.

We decided it would be nice to go out for a meal on dp birthday (in March) with the
kids

On return we found a message on our (motability) car

"You don't look thst disabled to us,we are reporting you to the council and have taken your registration number"

If they had looked further they would have noticed dp was struggling to walk but would never admit thefact and that dd had orthopaedic splints.

Bastards.It upset dp so much.He died last June.Fuckers

madwomanintheattic · 11/02/2011 23:35

oh mavis Sad
hopefully the council checked and reported back to them that you were fully entitled.

but i bet they didn't.

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 12/02/2011 00:47

Oh I am so familiar with this.
DS2 has autism and a physical disability. In summer.. in shorts you can see his splints on both legs. He uses a wheelchair sometimes but not always. In winter with long trousers on he 'looks normal' and we get filthy looks when parking up with his blue badge.

On one occasion we parked up. My Mum was with us and as we got out of the car a woman in the next space, looked my mum up and down and said'well YOU don't look very disabled to me!'

Whereupon my Mum turned to the woman and said coolly, 'no I'm fit as a fiddle. However my grandson IS disabled and that's his wheelchair being lifted out of the car...'

Woman went puce, got into her car and had to make a multi point reversing turn in her effort to get away.
We all stood and stared at her {grin}

Oddly enough when he is in his chair and splints showing, people are soooo much nicer to us....

GotArt · 12/02/2011 05:23

madwoman I think its totally different in Alberta because it is all private so may be more like the UK. But in BC, your plates and insurance are issued together to the primary driver of the vehicle. Only people insured under the vehicle are insured to drive it. You can have a 'secondary driver' insurance on your vehicle if need be, but it costs extra, obviously. We just have DH and myself under ICBC but also have additional private so we are fully covered. The disable sticker and commercial license is issued to the primary driver of the insured vehicle too. I don't know though if you can get a sticker without having a vehicle though. There's always loading zones outside where I see lots of people do drop offs of clearly disabled or elderly people but have no stickers in windows. We also have a HandyDart system that handles any disable person needs, which is sort of a public transit, picking you up at your door and dropping where and when you need within Victoria and the Western Communities. You can even request certain drivers. The buses are very fantastic too in terms of disability access.

mavis Sad so so sorry that happened. Terrible human beings.

ambarth · 12/02/2011 06:06

Is parking free with a blue badge then? Why is it so widely abused ( or perceived to be)?

goingroundthebend4 · 12/02/2011 06:16

medusa

we get the same when i jump out the car my mum does and even had older lady march over read me riot act.I then politely when could get breath in said would you like to help me lift my sons wheelchair out the boot now

ambarth yes in few areas but not as many as people seem to think iykwim.For me its not about free parking its being nearer to the shops for ds the wider spaces .etc .Mind we cant get our car in multi storys as is wav and is to high so less parking choices

nooka · 12/02/2011 06:17

Because BC has a mandatory state owned (bloody expensive) car insurance scheme it means that the car licence number can give access (to the right people) to your entire driving history, so a very different set up to the UK, or anywhere else for that matter I imagine.

My mother has a blue badge because of her arthritis (now mostly very bad) and very hand it is too. I can see why there might be a black market in them, reprehensible though that is. She's been known to do the competitive thing though (when we were getting married the pries mentioned his arthritis and she really snapped at him about how hers was so much worse - although she was very unhappy about us getting married which i am sure was a factor in the snappiness, but he was very taken aback).

goingroundthebend4 · 12/02/2011 06:24

think lot if peopel tend to think they are awarded for Pd only when infact for some people its the not obvious disablitys that make peoples back go up .They cant comprehend why someone needs a blue badge when can walk or even run am thinking friends ds who has Asd and noroad sense would hare of into traffic

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