Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

In expecting disabled people, to be more understanding?

82 replies

CFAW · 11/02/2011 14:48

My Dh is disabled, not anything you can see on the surface. He has chronic lung disease, and has a blue badge.

I am getting sick to death of getting filthy looks and tutting from other disabled people. Surely they don't think their badge is more valid than his, and must know not all disabilities are visible.

OP posts:

LoveBeingADaddysGirl · 12/02/2011 06:43

Ooopsadaisy
Fri 11-Feb-11 14:59:53 Back to top ↑ Add message Report
I see a lot of "Disability snobbery" ie - "my disability is worse than yours" or "my needs are greater than yours".

This is one of the truest things I have read on here. For example some people who are born deaf look down on those who become deaf, even wanting to be reffered to as Deaf, whereas they should be labelled deaf.

skaen · 12/02/2011 06:44

DH has haemophilia and his ability to move very much comes and goes and he has a blue badge. We've had a couple of dirty looks when using the blue badge but actually we just get more obvious about it - stick it out in a bay in the middle of town, get DCs out of the car, hobble off. If someone wants to find a traffic warden and make a fuss, they're welcome to embarrass themselves.

I used to work with a guy who'd lost both legs in a road accident. He drove a porsche and found it absolutely hilarious when he was called on parking in a disabled bay,

YANBU at all op, but your DH is fully entitled to use his blue badge and complaints out the person complaining as a disablist twat, Let them complain, nothing will happen.

kensworth · 12/02/2011 06:54

I have a badge due to heart condition so look ok old people defiantly the worst for snooty looks when I use my badge. It makes you feel that you have to justify yourself . Bloody people are lucky if they didn't need blur badge until they were old.

flootshoot · 12/02/2011 07:07

until recently I worked in a legal dept. and we took on the first BB fraud prosecution in the country - woman had been using an elderly relative's badge after she passed away.

My Dsis, on the other hand, has one for her DD but NEVER uses it unless she has to.

Panzee · 12/02/2011 07:21

The excuse about badge fraud really annoys me. Who the hell thinks it's ok to look at someone getting out of the car and then report them? Are they a doctor? I bet they don't report people who go over time in the standard bays so why single out disabled people?
I think you should only be able to report if, say, a relative or a neighbour was using a badge you knew wasn't theirs. Busybodies watching to see how well you walk should not be listened to.

And I don't have a badge, nor does anybody I know. I don't even look in the windscreen to check you have a badge - it's no business of mine! I'm sure it's just jealousy because you get 'better' parking spaces.

justcarrots29 · 12/02/2011 07:23

My step dad used to use his mothers badge all the time. She never went out so he kept it with him, back when they were Orange badges.

He was most unamused when they changed them to blue ones and she didn't get another one.

Coffeebeans · 12/02/2011 07:38

yesterday when I was struggling on & off the bus with my pushchair I had two oap woman push past me, which upset me slightly. Don't people realise i'm concentrating on keeping my baby safe & not trying to get in there way?

thefirstMrsDeVere · 12/02/2011 09:47

'This is one of the truest things I have read on here. For example some people who are born deaf look down on those who become deaf, even wanting to be reffered to as Deaf, whereas they should be labelled deaf'

This is an entirely different subject. D/deaf people who prefer to be called Deaf do so becaue they want it to be clear that they are BSL users and identify with the Deaf community.

They do not consider theirselves as disabled. So they certainly would not be thinking that their disability is worse than someone else. It is a way of showing that they are proud of being Deaf and do not need to be fixed or need pity.

Why do you think the 'should be labled' as deaf? Its up to them.

solooovely · 12/02/2011 10:01

I think you should wait until they have gone and put carefully worded notes on their windscreens, such as

"A disability doesn't not exsist just because you can't see it. Think about this before giving a blue badge holder dirty looks next time"

Or something like that.

Original poster

CFAW · 12/02/2011 10:05

MavisEnderby,

That is so sad i really feel for you

The thing is i really would love for someone to come over and challenge us, as i would tell them what bloody for, and they may think twice next time.

But dh is huge 6ft5 and 20 odd stone, so i doubt someone would actually have the balls to do it. Shame really!

OP posts:

duchesse · 12/02/2011 10:06

My GP friend said you cannot get one for a temporary condition such as a joint problem or broken limb. Maybe some GPs are not aware of this? (thinking of Strictly's SM's knee).

Original poster

CFAW · 12/02/2011 10:09

duchesse, thought the exact same {blush]

Internet is a great cover for people to fib.

OP posts:

MarioandLuigi · 12/02/2011 10:14

I see a lot of "Disability snobbery" ie - "my disability is worse than yours" or "my needs are greater than yours".

That is so true - we go to a ASD support group and its a lovely group. A few months ago a lady joined who's DS has ADHD - she constantly tells us how lucky we are and that our DC's cant have it as hard as her DS. Now this could be true, but it might be a load of bollocks and to keep sprouting it is annoying. We all understand how hard it can be to have children with additional needs, there is no need for a competition.

OP - YANBU.

Boohooyou · 12/02/2011 10:25

flootshoot what was the outcome?

Glitterknickaz · 12/02/2011 10:30

OP YASNBU.
Two of my kids have blue badges the third is in process at the moment. They have multiple complex additional needs which include mobility issues via hypermobility.

I have had old people REALLY going off on me, and before anyone calls me ageist yes it is always old people. Children can't possibly be disabled you see. We have a motability car too.

I've also encountered disability snobbery, and it's why despite being asked frequently I no longer go to support groups. I can't be doing with it.

getoffme · 12/02/2011 10:34

i got told off by an old man in the airport assistance he told me it is not for people like me, cos i am young and travelling with a baby, i told him if by people like me he meant asthmatics, and shame i don't use a cane so everybody can see, he was most embarrased, served him well

edam · 12/02/2011 10:54

It must be very distressing to be on the receiving end of nasty idiots.

I wonder whether people who are unable to imagine other people's lives might be rather different to theirs are non-readers. Because if you grow up reading books, or newspapers, or anything really, it develops your imagination and you are trained to put yourself in someone else's shoes (or splints...).

Although I guess some people are just plain spiteful and nasty no matter how much they read.

purplepidjin · 12/02/2011 11:06

I work with adults with physical and learning disabilities and am the only person outside of management insured to drive company vehicles. I'm usually the person who does the weekly shopping for one of more of our homes and depending on circumstance do this on my own, with another member of staff, or with one or more residents.

Despite having blue badge, parking clock, and company name all over the vehicle, if I'm on my own I try and park outside the disable spaces. For which I also get filthy looks! I also get funny glances being a young person on my own in the middle of the day with a trolley or two piled high with food - shopping for 10 for a week!

I definitely know what you mean about top trumpps, I notice it when wheeling people in chairs down crowded streets. Most able-bodied people get out of the way. Then there seems to be a hierarchy of how much room I'm given by other people with mobility impairments, with other wheel chair users obviously feeling I should get out of their way. I'm a 10 stone girl pushing a 20 stone man in an NHS wheelchair. How the fuck do you think I'm going to be able to steer it out of your way?!!!

Original poster

CFAW · 12/02/2011 11:18

i am CFAW's DH she left this open and i had a peek (she will go nuts when she finds out i posted)

like someone said its almost always old people doing it which is bad because i cant even question them about the accusing look of disgust on their withered bitter old faces as i am a bit of a scary looking fella and i always think i will give them a heart attack or something

one lady the other day at B&Q watched me out of the car and half way to the shop until i overly cheerfully said "HIYA" when she rolled her eyes at me and mumbled some incoherent dribble to her hubby tutted huffed and got on with her day

now i only have the badge because i cant walk very far but i still hold myself straight and like i said I'm a little bit menacing to look at but i would be less offended if they just asked if it was my badge i was using

OP posts:

Lillyofthevalley · 12/02/2011 11:19

What drives me mad is the number of people who park in disabled spaces in private car parks without BB's - amazing how that number increases when its raining!

So yes, as a BB user who needs a disabled bay (not for the free parking) I do look at cars parked in disabled bays to see if they have badges or not.

Oh how I wish I had hard to remove stickers saying:

You can have my disabled space if you take my disability as well!

ZillionChocolate · 12/02/2011 11:47

purplepidjin Presumably you're only allowed to use the company blue badge if you have disabled passengers on board?

The other day I put a note saying "blue badge" under someone's windscreen wiper, but then saw that they did have a badge but hadn't displayed it. I wish there was better enforcement of BB spaces. I would never challenge someone who had a badge, but might say to someone who didn't "you've forgotten to put your badge up".

valiumredhead · 12/02/2011 12:03

My GP friend said you cannot get one for a temporary condition such as a joint problem or broken limb. Maybe some GPs are not aware of this? (thinking of Strictly's SM's knee).

They aren't for temporary conditions - but you CAN get one for a joint problem. I have one after severely broken ankles 2 years ago that still haven't healed properly. My GP was lovely about it and very understanding, especially as our high street is non parking and to get to it you have at least a 8 - 10 min walk after parking anywhere nearby. IF I managed to walk (on a good day) I was shattered before I even started shopping!

I could've hugged my GP when she said she would agree to a BB - it has made the world of difference to my life.

I am so grateful to get a disabled space I don't ever see anyone giving me odd looks - even now when some day my limp isn't obvious at all. If that does ever happen I would be more than willing to whip off my boots and show them my bionic ankle

purplepidjin · 12/02/2011 12:07

AFAIK, I'm entitled to use the disabled bays because I'm in a vehicle registered for use by disabled people and displaying the correct paperwork. I know one of the managers uses the disabled bays when on his own because he has a bad back

I choose not to, because I'm fit and healthy (and quite enjoy being paid to wander round the shops in peace and quiet for an hour ) but will always use them when driving residents no matter what their mobility abilities because I know their road crossing skills aren't all that great!

valiumredhead · 12/02/2011 12:10

Oh and I would string my dh up by his knackers if he used my BB without me being in the car. Apart from there being a massive fine , you run the risk of it being taken away and it is my life line at the moment.

magicmummy1 · 12/02/2011 12:28

This thread is really quite depressing. It saddens me that people are so ignorant, so insensitive and so narrow-minded.

Mavis, your post made me cry. :( I'm so sorry. People shouldn't have to deal with that sort of shit.

Flip

1 2 3 4