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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit upset

86 replies

OnlyWantsOne · 10/02/2011 10:00

my DP calls me "the management" or says "keep the good woman sweet"

in an email that DP sent to his secretary asking her to do some thing, he called me the management and then wanted her to do some thing to "keep the good woman sweet" (as he's got to go away for a night with his boss, he was going to take me away the night before at the same hotel as a treat - he wanted his secretary to book it)

fucking hell im not his management. It really pissed me off that he called me that, and then patronises me... or am i being stupid??

he forwarded the hotel booking onto me via email, which included the whole thread of conversation between him and his secretary.

He's a twunt and im over emotional hormonal blob.

OP posts:
MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 10:02

Sorry but I say this about my wife. it is becasue she is generally the one in charge. as they say, behind every succesful man is a strong women or what ever it is.

It is just his nice way of showing how much he loves you. Stop being over sensitive.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 10/02/2011 10:03

I'd be pissed off too. Not very professional of him, either

CockularDepravity · 10/02/2011 10:03

Your husband sounds dreadful and is trying to be humorous with his secretary whilst at the same time put you down. Not great.

ShirleyKnot · 10/02/2011 10:03

CHRIST!

BeerTricksPotter · 10/02/2011 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 10/02/2011 10:04

Did he used to watch 'Hale and Pace', OnlyWantsOne? If so, put it down to inappropriate male humour... some of them seem to think they're paragons of wit.

Tell him it's a lame joke from the 80s, along with 'er indoors', and he should just refer to you as 'his wife' from now on.

Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 10/02/2011 10:05

I think the plan will be to tie him up and shag his stupid corporate brains out and show him who his manager is.

im off to eat cake

thanks for the reasurance

OP posts:
MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 10:06

hang on, he has indicated that she is in charge and he wants to do nice things for her. How has he put her down? and why is it not professional?

ThreIsNoSpoon · 10/02/2011 10:07

MY Dh refers to me as the boss. AS in, he is organising something and he says 'let me ask the boss'. Which is ironic really as we never do anything I want, I never go out, we always have to fit around is plans...Confused

ANYWAY, I think perhaps the wording may have been wrong, but the sentiment behind it was sweet. :) I wish my DH would take me to a hotel every time he went away!!

BeerTricksPotter · 10/02/2011 10:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zingzillachinchilla · 10/02/2011 10:07

if it's any consolation, his secretary probably thinks he's a twunt too...

FabbyChic · 10/02/2011 10:07

It's terms of endearment nothing more nothing less.

tigana · 10/02/2011 10:08

It would probably mildly annoy me if DH did this - although that's because it has conotations, and would make me feel like I was Margo from The Good Life.

But..unless he is always a twunt, this is just one thing he does which is twuntish. Not exactly a dead-breaker. I'd tell DH he sounded like an arse talking about me like that. And then let him choose whether to carry on or not.

I expect a couple of our male friends refer to their DP in this way...with no real idea of why... but my theory id that it is just because they heard their dads do it and haven't really thought baout it.

Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 10/02/2011 10:11

Ive emailed his secretary indicating as im obviously the boss, could she upgrade our room :) and book some where lovely for dinner (she is really lovely, poor girl) (and I've CC'd in DP).

OP posts:
coldtits · 10/02/2011 10:11

It's not a term on endearment, or flattering, it's weird.

I don't tell my boyfriend what to do. I don't expect to be referred to has his boss.

Being referred to as his boss would make me feel that he thinks I am responsible for the decisions he makes. And I'm not.

I've had this done to me by my ex - he put me in charge of every aspect of his life, and oh boy did he bitch when I failed to run it properly for him.

MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 10:12

tigana - never heard my dad say it. i only say it to my wife because i would not make any major decision without her input. "no one is in charge" but if a mate asks to go for a drink ill happily say, hang on ill ask the boss.

She see's it as me showing her affection, i listen and appreciate her thoughts, concerncs etc.

Is that wrong?

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 10/02/2011 10:14

Not if it doesn't bother your wife, MrSpoc. Surely if she found it irritating, though, you'd stop, right?

tigana · 10/02/2011 10:14

MrSpoc - if your DW isn't bothered by you saying it to her, then I'm not bothered by you saying it to her Smile.

Just don't say it to me! Wink

MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 10:15

no id do ity more to piss off the insensitive bitch Smile

BeerTricksPotter · 10/02/2011 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 10:15

right i have seen the error of my ways. he is very insensitive. you should leave him as its abuse.

LisaD1 · 10/02/2011 10:16

I am a PA to 2 very senior men, both married, both have DC. I have NEVER heard either of them say a bad word about their wives and would not want to. The other day one of them had to phone his wife about a diary clash that involved a work item and a personal item, he wanted her to confirm if the personal one was going ahead, so he asked her the question, she replied and then obviously went on to ask him something else (his wife did not know I was standing with him as he hadn't bothered to tell her) he then really curtly says to her "look, I can't talk now, I'm with someone" and hung up! He got this look Hmm from me!

He did call her back shortly after we had finished our meeting and apologise, and so he bloody well should!

I would not be happy or comfortable with either of my bosses making comments like yours makes, even if in jest, and they would know it!

BeerTricksPotter · 10/02/2011 10:16

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FiveFeetTwo · 10/02/2011 10:17

YANBU

I think it's:

a) patronising

b) not funny at all

c) makes him sound like a knob or like something out of the 1950s

d) the kind of thing Andy Gray would say

zikes · 10/02/2011 10:17

I presume he's joking but it's tiresome.

My dh occasionally uses me as an excuse not to go out or whatever, and I'm not keen on being portrayed as some nagging harridan Grin.

So I kick him in the nads... No, not really, there's no violence in my home.

I'd just point out to him, if it really bugs you, that it's annoying rather than funny. I'd probably just put it down to misplaced humour. Unless he's like it all the time.