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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit upset

86 replies

OnlyWantsOne · 10/02/2011 10:00

my DP calls me "the management" or says "keep the good woman sweet"

in an email that DP sent to his secretary asking her to do some thing, he called me the management and then wanted her to do some thing to "keep the good woman sweet" (as he's got to go away for a night with his boss, he was going to take me away the night before at the same hotel as a treat - he wanted his secretary to book it)

fucking hell im not his management. It really pissed me off that he called me that, and then patronises me... or am i being stupid??

he forwarded the hotel booking onto me via email, which included the whole thread of conversation between him and his secretary.

He's a twunt and im over emotional hormonal blob.

OP posts:
needsatrim · 10/02/2011 10:17

It's just a bloke being blokey. They think they are sooo funny. I would't lose any sleep over it. I like the return email yo sent. Good reposte.
And in our house even the kids say I am the boss.
Which actually I mostly am.

reelingintheyears · 10/02/2011 10:19

It would really irritate me.

Then i'd find ways to irritate him and why would i want to do that?

Soups · 10/02/2011 10:21

To me it sounds as if he was trying to be funny but it sounded a bit 70's

Mr Spoc - My BIL refers to his wife as the boss when he's been asked to do something at the weekend. He frequently says things like "the boss has given me a list of things to do". Whilst wearing a sulky face and looking downtrodden. So whilst I think it is often said in good humour, that the woman has got everything under control, it's also sometimes meant as an under hand moan.

Doing something for you partnet to keep them sweet does come across that you "have" to do it to stop them moaning, rather than you "want".

curlymama · 10/02/2011 10:22

My dh sometimes calls me the boss. It depends on the context it's used in on whether it pisses me off or not. Sometimes it comes across as affectionate, but sometimes, especially if he's talking to the wrong person, it comes across like I have him well under the thumb. I don't want to be like that to my dh, and I certainly don't want to be seen as some sort of fishwife that requires her husband to get permission for everything he does by other people.

I don't think your dh meant anything derogetary by it Only, don't let it obscure the fact that your dh was doing a nice thing by arranging a hotel for you.

needsatrim · 10/02/2011 10:22

Mr Spoc did you train in husbandness with my Dh?
Actually, are you my DH?
Getting far too serious here.
Loosen up people.
I can hear the boots being pulled on and the placards being raised for the march.

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 10/02/2011 10:28

LisaD1 my DH is bloody irritating when he thinks he can chat away when I'm in work. He doesnt work in an office so when hes in work and I'm home he can call me up and talk all shift if he wants. I often have to hang up on him as he just doesnt listen to "I'm working, I have to go now".

I dont think theres anything wrong with what your boss did and think you were being rather judgemental to give him the Hmm look. I doubt you would have done it if he'd been a woman...

OP, imo you are being oversensitive, it sounds like a term of endearment to me. Plus it sounds like he WANTS to bring you up in conversation with his secretary. Maybe he thinks she is of the opinion that all men sleep with their secretaries and is giving her subtle hints of how important you are to him :)

MorticiaAddams · 10/02/2011 10:34

I don't know about being upset but I would certainly cringe. It sounds like something David Brent would say.

bupcakesandcunting · 10/02/2011 10:34

MrSpoc you're a cock.

Remember that.

OP my DH does this. I hear him on the phone when his mates are asking him to go out going "I'll just go and ask Elle if I can get a chitty out" the cheeky twat! He's never had to ask my permission to go out. Possibly check to see if it's not clashing with a date I'm out but not PERMISSION.

I think a little bit of them likes people thinking they're a bit under the thumb. No idea why Hmm

LisaD1 · 10/02/2011 10:37

AllSQAURE - I know my boss well enough to know when he's being an arse! As his PA he looks to me for support with things like that, our relationship is based on trust and honesty and if he is being an arse he appreciates being told, he has said so to me in the past, it's one of the reasons we work so well together. And you have assumed that his wife wasn't at work too! She was, she too has a very busy, senior position and obviously wanted to ask him something that she felt was important!

For the record, my boss would have got the same look if they had been a woman. I don't think there is any excuse to be rude to your spouse in front of your colleagues, makes you look like a disrespectful twunt imo.

coldtits · 10/02/2011 10:37

because it absolves them of the responsibility of having to say "I don't think that would be good for my family life" or "I think it would be unfair to dump my wife with all three children and go fishing, even though you, the person who is asking me along, has done precisely that 3 weeks in a row"

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 10/02/2011 10:40

In that case LisaD1, I take it back, it just sounded judgemental in the first post :)
And there are waaaaaay too many people around that have the opinion that men are always in the wrong and women can do no wrong. It just bugs me sometimes!

Dancergirl · 10/02/2011 10:43

One of dh's clients calls his wife 'head office' and dh and I have sort of adopted it because it's funny!

Of course we both know we're equal in our marriage but I think in many, many cases it's the woman who's mostly responsible for social arrangements and the like. Means nothing more than that.

Nice of him to take you away for a treat though, think of the bigger picture!

LisaD1 · 10/02/2011 10:53

ALLSQUARE: Smile - didn't mean it to sound judgemental.

MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 11:07

bupcakesandcunting That was a bit harsh calling me a cock.

For your information, me and my wife are in our late two's (so not from the 70's) we are very equal in our whole relationship.

I use the term, she finds it funny, affectionate and I do it as it shows that i am thinking about her.

So if someone says to me shall we go for a drink after work, instead of beeing a cock and just going, ill actually ask my wife. she may have made other plans, tea.

So why am i a cock?

bupcakesandcunting · 10/02/2011 11:10

It wasn't harsh, I even made it into a nice little adage so it's easier for you to remember Wink

BuzzLiteBeer · 10/02/2011 11:13

Its demeaning. Its meant to be. It diminishes her to a stereotype wife character instead of an equal partner.

I have a relative who talks about his wife this way, but worse uses her an excuse. If he is invited out he will tell the others (usually men) that "the wife" doesn't like him going out, she doesn't let him go out to play blah de blah. He doesn't want too and she couldn't care less. Its deeply irritating.

Bogeyface · 10/02/2011 11:14

OP I think that your DH was probably embarrassed, not that he should have been but some men get like that. they prefer to keep the nice things they do as private.

So he used that language to stop it from looking like a romantic gesture and him from feeling like a pillock!

Stupid, but nothing you should be annoyed about.

MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 11:16

BuzzLiteBeer - it can only be demeaning in the context it is used. the examples you gave are clearly demeaning but in the Op's case he is just showing affection.

Bupcake - i still think it was harsh no matter how many adage's you use. Wine

BettyCash · 10/02/2011 11:18

I love how he's taking you away for a weekend and you're just whinging about the way he talks. Get over yourself love!

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 10/02/2011 11:19

my boss used to call his wife "The Fuhrer" in the office, but as far as I know never to her face. He had nothing but the utmost love & respect for her.

BuzzLiteBeer · 10/02/2011 11:21

MrSpoc how does he know how other people will see it though? He may be saying it with affection , his wife clearly is not impressed. But he said it in a work email to someone else entirely as well!

Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 10/02/2011 11:23

oh bettycash Im terrible sorry, I must have forgotten how to be grateful for any thing I get Hmm

OP posts:
MrsAlanKey · 10/02/2011 11:24

It would piss me off. I don't like being misrepresented and I don't want people to think my DH has to perform a series of tricks to keep me sweet.

MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 11:24

So Buzz, it is clear for all to see that it was done with affection.

MrSpoc · 10/02/2011 11:25

MrsAlanKey - most of the women on here would love their husbands to perform tricks to keep their other halfs sweet.

You can just see men doing back flips while thier wifes give them a bacon sarnie. Smile

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