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AIBU?

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Original poster

To Think This Is Vile and Abusive?

84 replies

midori1999 · 08/02/2011 21:56

There's a debate on smacking on another forum I use and one of the posters has said, amongst other things, her parents used to put mustard on her tongue as a child as a punishment.

Am I over reacting in thinking this is on a par with washing a child's mouth out with soap and actually abusive?

OP posts:
Shakirasma · 08/02/2011 22:26

I've got the sound of that poor boys cries echoing in my head now. Awful woman!

Underachieving · 08/02/2011 22:28

IMO one the second most wrong thing about physical punishment (after the cruelty aspect) is that it's not training them for the real world. Surely a large part of what we're doing as parents is giving the child the skills for the adult world later on?

In the adult world the laws are clear and the consequences clear so that we can make decisions. I usually drive at the speed limit, sometimes I don't. I know the penalty if I get caught doing that and choose to take that risk. In the adult world penalties are either about loss of money (fines), loss of priveleges (driving ban) extra work (community service) or loss of freedom (prison).

In my house the punishments are also about loss of money (pocket money stoppages), loss of priveleges (bicycle, toys), extra work (housework) and loss of freedom (grounding). NEVER about pain.

What kind of message is that to bring a kid up with, if you crossthe line someone will hurt you.

sb6699 · 08/02/2011 22:31

I have the volume up on my laptop and dh just shouted at me "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WATCHING"

TimeToStartACHEEKYDiet · 08/02/2011 22:38

that poor poor boy, DH watched it with me and was shaking his head :(

His cries when he was in the shower broke my heart :(

Evil Evil bitch Angry

i do truly hope that he has been removed from that family.

FunnysInTheGarden · 08/02/2011 22:38

Horrible horrible. I could cry. I have a 5 year old and it makes my blood run cold to think that anyone could treat a small child like that. Excuse me, must just go and give my small boy a hug Sad No child should be treated like that.

MsKLo · 08/02/2011 22:45

I have just watched it and feel sick. Apparently he was adopted. Glad he was removed. I only hope he is with a loving family. I want to take him in and love him. Poor boy.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 08/02/2011 22:45

Oh my god, that was horrible. Horrible. What must have he been thinking as she put him up by the sink and put her head up close to his while she was shouting at him. He knew what was coming next, poor wee lamb. As for the cold shower, he must have been so bloody miserable as he was getting undressed, knowing what was coming.

I can't bear to think how he must have felt at being treated like that by the person that's supposed to love him.

The worst thing about it is that there is another clip linking to the same episode on the Dr Phil show and she lists all these things she does to try and discipline him then complains that none of it works!! Then why fucking do it?! Angry

saffy85 · 08/02/2011 22:52

Couldn't watch the end of that video was too distressing by time that poor little boy was sobbing in the shower.

She's worse than a fucking bitch she's a pyschopath. Seriously. She was treating him that badly and was so... business like about it. And she seemed to enjoy it. I still don't get what he'd done that was so wrong Confused

I'm all for time outs and have been known to smack DD on the bum before when she has made me really mad even though I swore I never would but punishments like this or the mustard one the OP mentioned don't sit well with me. There has to be a better way to punish your DC. Also if I thought my "mother" would punish me so severely for "pulling 3 cards" I'd fucking lie about it too! I don't think a mouthful of hot sauce is a frigging deterrant- you'd be so frightened of getting into trouble you'd lie even more, even just in panick.

thisisyesterday · 08/02/2011 23:07

i have never really felt violent towards anyone in my whole life

but when i was watching that I just wanted to know where she was, i wanted to find her and just punch her over and over again...

i wish i hadn't watched it actually because it was ages ago now and i just can't stop replaying it in my head

cobbledtogether · 08/02/2011 23:10

Wow. Just wow.

FabbyChic · 08/02/2011 23:11

I won't even watch it because it would fill me with rage and I'd want to kill the woman.

I detest any form of violence against children.

taintedpaint · 08/02/2011 23:11

Horrible, just horrible.

That poor little boy. :(

I'm not sure if he has been removed from the home, from reading a couple of articles (someone correct me if I'm wrong), but the mother (in the loosest sense of that word) has been charged with child abuse and is pleading not guilty. FFS.

Poor little sweetheart. What the fuck do parents think they are teaching children by using physical and threatening punishments?! Of course it doesn't fucking work.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 08/02/2011 23:13

Apparently the boy was adopted from Russia and as a result of what he'd been through there he was displaying awful behaviours which was what she was having trouble dealing with. I've read about conduct and attachment disorders in adopted kids, particularly those from foreign countries with very troubled backgrounds, but bloody hell, she should have just admitted well before now that if she was not able to get the right kind of help from psychiatrists/counsellors etc then he would be better getting fostered out to someone who DID have the patience to deal with very troubled children in the right way. That poor boy, being adopted from Russia and going to America, bloody hell - for him it was out of the frying pan and into the fire.

altinkum · 08/02/2011 23:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsKLo · 08/02/2011 23:13

It wasn't that lOng ago
The woman in the vid is Jessica Beagley a Mormon mum with four biological kids and the boy in the vid was adopted with his twin at the age of five from Russia

She has been charged with child abuse but apparently the poor boy Is still in the family home. Het husband is a cop too!

She is scum. That poor poor boy and his twin should be removed. This has made me feel so upset for him

Stase · 09/02/2011 09:17

I wonder if her own children are treated that way?

zachsmama · 09/02/2011 09:19

That poor poor boy. That has made me so Sad and I feel sick at the thought of that happening to that poor little boy. His sobs in the shower were just heart wrenching.

I was smacked as a child and although I have decided that I will never smack my ds, smacking is so far removed from what that woman is doing. She was cold and calculated and that poor little boy knew exactly what was coming so he must have had it done to him time after time after time :(

NinkyNonker · 09/02/2011 09:23

Agreed, I was smacked and whilst I will never do it (maybe that says something about my true feelings about it?) it was a totally different kettle of fish. I also used to get clipped sound the back of the head with whatever was going, I can distinctly remember my mother reminding him "not on the head dh, not on the head".

marmy55 · 09/02/2011 09:24

in primary school our teacher used to whack us on the backs of our legs with a ruler

we flamin well knew not to misbehave in class thats for sure

maighdlin · 09/02/2011 10:55

that video is awful. My parents smacked me but that was about it. They used to psychologically try to stop me doing things, like if i lied i would get a pimple on my tongue that would grow and grow until i told the truth, and if i hit any one it meant i wanted to be a boy and that i would grow a willy and would be called david, those kinds of stupid things, have to say it worked as i remember i told a lie then when i got home was so upset about the impending giant tongue pimple i had to tell my mum to stop it from happening.

kepler10b · 09/02/2011 10:57

i wonder if she was disciplined like this as a child? where did she even get the idea for the hot sauce and the cold shower?

i also wonder how many abusive partners were physically / harshly disciplined as children even occasionally- a bet you it's a vast number. you've got to learn the idea of controlling someones behaviour with violence / abuse rather than communicating more effectively from somewhere.

rasta · 09/02/2011 12:01

That has to be the most heartbreaking thing I've ever watched in all my life. His cries in the shower.....god, just terrible Sad

What a nasty, evil, poisonous, toxic fucking bitch.

MsKLo · 09/02/2011 14:02

I cannot believe this poor boy is still with her even though she has Been charged with cruelty

I just hope she has changed as she is damaging him

I want to take him in and reassure him all is going
To be ok. I hate the thought of him being there.

ThePosieParker · 09/02/2011 14:05

I refuse to watch that video....

KnittedBreast · 09/02/2011 14:07

Im not shocked by putting mustard on a childs tongue- there are far worse forms of punishment and the child hasnt been harmed... but maybe im missing the point