To ask DP to make less noise in the mornings?

[Kione]

DD is 16 months and thank god she sleeps trhough the night mostly now. She goes to bed T 8 and would wake up at 8 if non disturbed. But DP gets up at 6.30-7.00 during the week and wakes her up witout fail. I know some noises are unavoidable, but he is not careful at all with the bathroom door, or the shower door, toilet, etc. hope you get it.

Its not for me, if she wakes up that early then she is really tired at lunch time at 12, and it is a nightmare to feed her, she also puts up a fight for her nap because she is overtired.

i have explain this to DP, and a couple of days he showered at night not to wake us up, but thats it, if I say something in the morning he replies "oh FFS", and makes me feel like I am nagging.

He just does not get it, or doesen't care but always thinks its ME thats too sensitive or I don't know! Am I being unreasonable? or why are men like this???

Apologise for the spelling I meant "I have explained"

YAB totally U- just put her down for her nap earlier. I think it is not at all reasonable at that time in the morning to expect your DP to tiptoe as he is getting ready for work, he lives there too. And yes you are nagging big time.

YABU - my DH gets up at 5, and wakes me in the process.
and then wakes me again when he leaves the house.
okay, i get kisses both times, but if i have to be woken, then so should everyone.

you can get your DD to nap later, and you can nap then, too.

sorry :(

YABU. PFB syndrome.

He is presumably leaving for work? ie to get paid?

Give the kid an earlier nap and chill a bit!

Poor bloke probably feels like he's treading on eggshells every morning. Can't imagine he's over the moon at getting up at 6.30 so you could try and make it a little easier on him by not being so precious.

Put DD down earlier so you can all get up together, and DP gets a cuddle from you both before be leaves rather than a mouthful :(

[scurries off to change her behaviour]

It depends if he is just making normal levels of noise or crashing around really. If he's just making normal levels of noise then YABU because he shouldn't have to creep around but if he is slamming doors, banging stuff around etc then YANBU to ask him to try to be a bit quieter...

I remember exH used to often come up to bed (usually drunk) in the early hours of the morning, slam the bathroom door, let the toilet seat crash down, knock everything off the shelf etc etc and then pass out leaving me to get up and deal with the two crying children he'd woken up. That pissed me off. But normal getting ready for bed noises wouldn't have woken them.

We put white noise on throughout the night in the baby's room - not very loudly but it means we can have a shower, kettle on, potter about etc and she isn't woken up. I think it is completely reasonable for you to want her to have the chance to sleep until she naturally wakes up.

Try the white noise. Good luck

I asked my DH to pee onto the side of the bowl when he gets up because the sound of a horse pissing directly into the bowl wakes my DS up! I don't think you are BU at all!!

IThinkTooMuch - my post was more of a "some people have it worse than you" post, than a "suck it up and get used to it" post

I do get another 2 hours in bed after he's gone, so it's not really a hardship.

Thanks for all the replies.

Believe me, I've tried to put her for the nap earlier (I opened a thread about it) then she will be tired for dinner time, say if I put her for the nap at 11, has an hour (which is what she usually does) and 5 hours later she is tired again... and then DP is at home and he complaints if she screams, which upsets everyone. I tried two naps but doesn't work.

If I come home late I tip toe around everyone, also if HE is having a lie in or a nap. I sometimes go out with DD so he can have a good rest! I don't ask him to act like a burglar, but if someone is sleep I think is about consideration too. I do it when I visit my family too! and I only asked to be more careful with doors.

I promise you he doesen't get a mouthful every morning, I think I told him twice and he makes me feel so bad that I never mentioned it again. Hence I am writing here. I don't think he cares if he gets a cuddle or not either, he's not that type unfortunatelly.

meltedmarsbars, I don't understand whats it to do that he goes to work to get paid, I think what I do is work too, and I bring money to the household too. Don't think this is the matter we are discussing though.

Soooo mixed opinions...

(and i get up to turn the light on for him, because i feel guilty that he has to get up so early)

I think you should stop treading on egg-shells round him, then.

explain to him that DD gets tired in the afternoon, so she will be grumpy, butit's too close to bed to be able to do anything about it.
tell him not to be grumpy about it, and you won't moan at him for being louder than hell in the mornings.

I hadn't seen that post.

i think the probelm here is slightly different as I sleep well, and don't mind getting up early. I just would like DD to wake up a bit later.

When he goes out and has a lie in she can stay in bed until 8 (9 the other day!) easy, I get up at 7 anyway because I am used to it. And the she is just a lot easier to deal with.

I thought of putting her to bed at 7.30 or so but then we won't be able to have dinner together which, when she is happy we really enjoy.

As my MIL says you can't have it both ways!!

See, I don't think is treading on egg-shells, I am happy for him to rest when he is tired! and it doesn't cost anything to be careful.

I have explained to him, but I think in the morning he is half sleep and doesn't care, he also is VERY grumpy, hence the FFS, and me not mentioning it again. Maybe I'll leave notes full of hearts and kisses on the toilet asking him not to bang it??? I think he would still get annoyed and do it anyway. :(

YANBU.

DS has dropped his afternoon nap, and despite our best efforts he will NOT settle in the evening before 7.45pm. He goes to bed beautifully then, but not before.

DH leaves the house at 7.30am most mornings, and he is always really careful to be quiet because DS will sleep until gone 8 left alone.

Eh? Why is op bu? My dh works shifts and so do I normally, we are very careful not to wake each other as one maybe on an early and the other on lates. our dd is only one week but if he does a night feed I sneak down in the morning with dds 1 and 2 so he can catch-up,he does the same, we care about each other why wouldn't we?

Thank god, I was starting to think I was the strange one here caring for others!

No, not U at all! I get DP to shower in the dark so the light doesn't wake DS but that's cause I am evil and he is downtrodden.

He gets up at 6.20 and me and DS get up at 7.

Seriously, though, I do ask him to aviod light and noise making (and he does shower int he dark!), and he is quite happy to do it as we both work and it means I have 20 mins more to rest before I get myself and DS up and get ready for the day. It also means DS is more manageable for nap time with daycare (nanna)

We spoke about it when I went back to work and decided it is a resonable compromise that: he gets up quietly and I don't ask him to help get DS dressed and washed before dropping off at childcare.

Whilst I was at home he was even more careful in the mornings, often getting dressed downstairs and showering the night before!

Mind you I still often wake up with him at 6.20 and just lie quietly until DS comes into our room (he is 23mths) and starts tugging at my hand to get up!