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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DP to make less noise in the mornings?

59 replies

Kione · 08/02/2011 14:08

DD is 16 months and thank god she sleeps trhough the night mostly now. She goes to bed T 8 and would wake up at 8 if non disturbed. But DP gets up at 6.30-7.00 during the week and wakes her up witout fail. I know some noises are unavoidable, but he is not careful at all with the bathroom door, or the shower door, toilet, etc. hope you get it.

Its not for me, if she wakes up that early then she is really tired at lunch time at 12, and it is a nightmare to feed her, she also puts up a fight for her nap because she is overtired.

i have explain this to DP, and a couple of days he showered at night not to wake us up, but thats it, if I say something in the morning he replies "oh FFS", and makes me feel like I am nagging.

He just does not get it, or doesen't care but always thinks its ME thats too sensitive or I don't know! Am I being unreasonable? or why are men like this???

OP posts:
PlanetEarth · 08/02/2011 15:48

Reality, I think you know different people from me! 6.30 is not getting up time for anyone in this house. And whether you think it's a reasonable time for OP and her child to get up is surely irrelevant, she doesn't and why should she?

If I have to get up early for work I try and be quiet so as not to wake the rest of the family, and so does DH. It's called consideration for other people.

Original poster
Kione · 08/02/2011 15:54

God, I can't imagine what he would tell me if I ask him to shower in the dark! Our switch makes a loud noise too and its one of those dangling ones that the way he switches it jumps around and bangs on the wall (shared wall with DDs room). I've never said anything not to piss him up more!

He did shower the night before a couple of times, but he still woke us up with other noises. I really feel bad saying anything else.

Loopynoo, does you DS have a nap? If so, at what time? I know every child is different but just for ideas.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kione · 08/02/2011 15:58

Yep PlanetEarth, I do it out of consideration too, as I said, not only at home but when I am a guest somewhere too. It doesen't take much.

That, HE doesen't get, I suppose. I must say at this point that he is like that when he wakes up, at weekends he does help and if I ask 9sometimes he offers), he will take her out so I can have time for myself. That I appreciate and thats why I am considerate in exchange too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kione · 08/02/2011 15:59

but she is now ALREADY cranky she had a 40min. early nap and god knows how is she going to last until bed time :(

OP posts:
BialystockandBloom · 08/02/2011 16:08

YANBU and I am surprised at the amount of people here who think you are, tbh.

If I had to get up earlier than anyone else in the house I'd do my best to be as quiet as I could to avoid waking anyone. It's called basic consideration.

Hate the argument that if someone's going out earning the money that makes them more important.

Loopynoo · 08/02/2011 16:08

Yes Kione, DS does sleep, for about hour and a half after lunch, but if he hasn't slept well during the night and woken up of his own accord he can be a NIGHTMARE!! It takes about 1/2 an hour to settle him for nap... DP has seen this in action before...

I know, I am lucky with DP, but as I have mentioned on other posts, carrott and stick really helps for us... i.e don't wake DS and I won't expect you to help dress him!

Would also point out he isn't perfect, DP that is, and is rubbish at helping with housework, I think that's why he tries to make adjustments where he can.

Loopynoo · 08/02/2011 16:10

Oh, and regardless of whether you work of not, you still have to deal with little one all day so you deserve the consideration as much as he does for the day ahead.

Original poster
Kione · 08/02/2011 16:19

I am normally in charge of anything to do with DP, weekdays and weekends. Dress, change nappies, etc. so not sure that trick can work for us.

byalistockandBloom, I agree with you, but he still thinks his job is harder than mine. And don't want to go into detail, but I don't spend the money he makes, put it that way, so that can't even be his excuse. He just thinks I am having a blast with a cup of coffee all day.

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Original poster
Kione · 08/02/2011 16:25

I meant in charge of DD NOT DP :o

OP posts:
Original poster
Kione · 08/02/2011 16:26

:o

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Olessaty · 08/02/2011 16:31

I get up at 6:30 every day and creep around because I want some peace and quiet before the kids get up. I think he should make some effort to not wake the baby.

IThinkTooMuch · 08/02/2011 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Justmeandthekids · 08/02/2011 16:43

YANBU

Both my dcs are older now but even at 5 and 7yo, we are both carefull not to wake them up when we get up.
That's just normal considerate behaviour imho. If I am staying at somebody's place, I would be careful not to wake them up if I have to get up before them. Because otherwise they would be tired/it's not nice to be woken up etc...
Why not doing the same for the people that are the closest to me ie my own family?

As for those who say 'Well 6.30am isn't that early, what's the problem with it?' or 'you are being PBF' ... If you think that waking up someone (child or not) one and a half hour before their normal 'waking up time' is OK because you can't be bothered to take steps to avoid it (like shower the night before, brush teeth dowstairs not upstair, go the loo downstair etc..), then I think you are not respectful of the people living under the same roof that you.

Btw, the 'steps' I have mentioned are all things that both me and DH take to avoid waking the dcs/other partner up on a regular basis.

BlingLoving · 08/02/2011 16:46

YANBU. And every time I see these threads I am shocked at the attitude that either :
DH earns money for family so suck it up OR
Everyone else gets up at 6:30 so you should too.

That's rubbish. If you and DD don't get up early, you shouldn't have to just because he does. DH gets up significantly later than me and I do my best not to wake him up, with the proviso that we both understand that now and again it's unavoidable (Like yesterday when I realised that as a result of my ever-expanding pregnant belly I could not do up my dress and had to wake him up to do it for me).

Original poster
Kione · 08/02/2011 16:56

what does PBF stand up for??

OP posts:
BlingLoving · 08/02/2011 16:58

I think it's PFB - precious first born

Original poster
Kione · 08/02/2011 16:58

or stand for?

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Original poster
Kione · 08/02/2011 17:10

hahaha I am wose than that, only child!

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floodsofbeers · 08/02/2011 17:12

Try tackling one thing at a time, which is what I have had to do with DP, who gets up at either 5.30 or 6am, depending on meetings. DS will sleep to 7.30 if undisturbed.

First it was, "please don't slam the front doors when you leave as it wakes DS up." Then a couple of weeks later, "please don't stomp around on the wood floors in the hall and kitchen in your work shoes as it wakes DS up." Then, "please can you get your work clothes, toiletries and phones etc ready in the spare room the night before so if DS is in with me - given that the noise you make in the bathroom often wakes him up (unsaid!) - you won't disturb me trying to get him back to sleep".

Next up will be, "please can you not switch lights on and off repeatedly, run the tap with the door open while you clean your teeth and wash hairgoo off your hands and try not to allow your (exceedingly irritating) alarm go off louder and louder because you're too hungover to move...because all/any of the above wake DS up"

I am resigned to the fact that I will wake up when his alarm goes off now. Even if I somehow sleep through that, his racket in the bathroom and bedroom, plus turning lights on and off noisily, stomping up and down the stairs as he's forgotten something and general crashing in the kitchen making his lunch before he leaves makes it inevitable that DS and I will be awake by the time DP is out the door...

Fingers crossed these drip feed stealth measures will continue to yield results...

AlaskaHQ · 08/02/2011 18:04

YA definitely NBU.

Can you talk to your DH at a calmer time and see what he can do to help?

If the routine works best with the children sleeping until 8am, then it seems really selfish to wake them at 7am by making too much noise, when - with not much inconvenience - you could be quieter.

My DH wakes at 7am, leaves about 7.30am, and is brilliantly quiet at not waking DS & DD, who both sleep until about 8am too. They are 2 & 4 years old.

gilbonzothesecretpsychoduck · 08/02/2011 18:16

YANBU - I had a go at dh for putting his jeans on too noisily the other day, He now puts them on in the bathroom - result!

RealityIsKnockedUp · 08/02/2011 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Choufleur · 08/02/2011 18:37

DH works shifts. The earliest he gets up is 5.15am. Woe betide him if he wakes me properly or DS at that time. When he is up at 6.15 though I'd rather DS didn't wake but if he does then it's no biggie. DH is as quiet as he can be though but still has a shower etc but doesn't stomp around or slam doors etc.

YANBU asking he to be quiet while getting ready but BU to expect him to get ready the night before tc.

ledkr · 08/02/2011 18:51

nothing worse than noisy bloody jeans,all that clanking of belts and ear splitting zips.
My dh has to brush his teeth downstairs too,cant be doing with all thatspitting and gargling befote 7am

BuzzLiteBeer · 08/02/2011 19:01

why would you get very sweaty while asleep? My DH works all dif shifts, he tries to not wake any of us if he leave early or comes in late. He doesn't always succeed, but the fact that he tries is important.