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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset? Or is DH being an arse? Please help!

69 replies

recklesswoman · 08/02/2011 09:26

Before I begin, I am aware of how ridiculous an argument this is. Not sure if IABU.

Got out of bed, felt cold, threw on the first t shirt to hand.
Which just happened to be a special memory backpacking t shirt belonging to DH from his student days.
He asked me to immediately take it off as 'it's special' and he 'doesn't want me to get shit all over it'.
(he has since apologised for this particular statement, doesn't know why he said it, although he stands by the orgiginal point of not wanting me to wear it)

I am very upset and hurt by this. Am I not special enough to wear his amazing magical t shirt? I can't imagine giving a stuff about him using/wearing anything of mine, he's my husband and we love each other, it wouldn't occur to me to have an objection.

IABU? Or is he being petty and selfish?
Please help as his has really confused and hurt me.

Oh, and I obviously took it off immediately.

OP posts:
Chil1234 · 08/02/2011 09:28

If it's special, it shouldn't probably be so easy to hand. He probably overreacted but tell him to put it well away if he wants to keep it as a memento.

BluddyMoFo · 08/02/2011 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyintheRadiator · 08/02/2011 09:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marmy55 · 08/02/2011 09:33

he is obviously an abuser, can you get to counselling today as an emergency

barmbrack · 08/02/2011 09:33

reckless, you're overthinking.

Sometimes we all say / do things that are a bit bonkers, and when you are married to someone, it stands to reason you are more likely to encounter some of them (and do them yourself).

Try thinking of it another way. He loves and trusts you enough to let you know that he has an item of clothing that is 'special' to him. He wouldn't share that with just anyone, let them know how much it means to him for fear of them thinking him soppy and over sentimental.

Have a nice cup of tea. Be kind to one another.

Dropdeadfred · 08/02/2011 09:33

where did you find it? and have you never seen this t shirt before??

LittleOneMum · 08/02/2011 09:35

He over reacted. You probably shouldn't be upset though. Men are weird little things when it comes to their odd 'collections' and 'treasures'. My DH has a football programme collection - very much loved. The other day I was dusting in the cupboard where they live (OK, I was poking around to look at them) and he went a bit bananas - despite the fact that he is the most loveable and loving man in existence. He tried to explain that it is a sad male thing: it's their stuff - keep off.

Sadly my DS is also starting to show the traits too, hoarding treasures which mummy is not allowed to touch.

it's a man thing. I think!

kreecherlivesupstairs · 08/02/2011 09:35

I would use it as a duster or to rub bleach into something.
Special memory t.shirt.

LadyBunny · 08/02/2011 09:36

Refuse to wash, iron, fold, tidy away aforementioned t-shirt. If it's that's damn special he can do it himself.
Ask for an inventory of 'special' items and give them the same treatment.
Make sure he touches nothing (absolutely nothing) of yours, tits included, without asking permission first.
The tits business should bring him to heel PDQ. If it doesn't, find someone who knows how to make Lemsip.
You could always argue that if he loved you (really, really loved you) he would give you the t-shirt as a token of his undying whatever....

BluddyMoFo · 08/02/2011 09:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zikes · 08/02/2011 09:38

You're both being daft.

fedupofnamechanging · 08/02/2011 09:38

Tell him how his comments made you feel. He probably didn't mean anything nasty by it, but he has come across as a bit of a prat.

Hope you are not washing/ironing his stuff if he's too bloody precious to let you use it.

taintedpaint · 08/02/2011 09:38

Bloody hell. He of course overreacted, what an idiot. If it was that special, it shouldn't be to hand. It should be put away.

YANBU and he's being a dick.

lesley33 · 08/02/2011 09:38

I think its fair enough as well.

Original poster
recklesswoman · 08/02/2011 09:41

Yes I make a habit of wearing other peoples clothes then rolling around in filth.

  1. I am actually a clean person,
  2. I threw it on for a few mins in the morning, as a general rule I tend not to wear scratty mens t shirts to work.
Not slobbing around the house at all, I'm currently on the train to work.
OP posts:
slim22 · 08/02/2011 09:41

Lol please keep bumping this. Bound to turn into a classic

zikes · 08/02/2011 09:42

Oh come off it.

He snapped at you. Bad thing.
He apologised. Good thing.
You didn't know the t-shirt was special to him. Whoops, sorry, you should say. And not wear it again.

Job's a good un.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 08/02/2011 09:42

It IS a man thing. My DH has certain weird crap which he treasures. He also hates me wearing ANY of his clothes!

You'd think I stink. I don't but I accept he's funny about it and leave his stuff alone.

diddl · 08/02/2011 09:43

If it´s so special, why was it so easily to hand?

If he doesn´t keep it in a safe place it´s not that special!

Sounds like an immature twat tbh.

I couldn´t respect someone who reacts like that about a tshirt!

"doesnt want ruined by you slobbing round the house in it."

How is OP going to ruin it even if she does "slob around" in it all day?

MommyMayhem · 08/02/2011 09:43

I think YAB a bit U. We all have things that are special to us that we're really precious about, men especially it seems. Just tell him he needs to put it away somewhere safe.

MmeLindt · 08/02/2011 09:45

Special Memory Backpacking Tshirt.

He does know that this makes him sound like a loon?

But your upset is daft too, sorry.

It is just a tshirt. It does not mean that he loves you less. Just that he is peculiarly attached to his tshirt.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 08/02/2011 09:45

diddl, it will be ruined by special lady steam that oozes from the pores of laydeez.
Don't you know anything? Wink

MmeLindt · 08/02/2011 09:46

No no. It will get ruined by the imprints of her norks.

Original poster
recklesswoman · 08/02/2011 09:46

Before I get completely ripped apart, I posted this because I have self esteem issues and wasn't sure if I'm overreacting and taking it to heart because I'm a bit mixed up atm, or if he's being daft and it's not a projection of how he feels about me.

And as I mentioned in the OP, I am aware that it's a really silly argument.

OP posts:
zikes · 08/02/2011 09:47

I ruined one of my dh's tops. It now has boobie stretch-marks apparently. Grin

It's mine now. Wink