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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be upset? Or is DH being an arse? Please help!

69 replies

recklesswoman · 08/02/2011 09:26

Before I begin, I am aware of how ridiculous an argument this is. Not sure if IABU.

Got out of bed, felt cold, threw on the first t shirt to hand.
Which just happened to be a special memory backpacking t shirt belonging to DH from his student days.
He asked me to immediately take it off as 'it's special' and he 'doesn't want me to get shit all over it'.
(he has since apologised for this particular statement, doesn't know why he said it, although he stands by the orgiginal point of not wanting me to wear it)

I am very upset and hurt by this. Am I not special enough to wear his amazing magical t shirt? I can't imagine giving a stuff about him using/wearing anything of mine, he's my husband and we love each other, it wouldn't occur to me to have an objection.

IABU? Or is he being petty and selfish?
Please help as his has really confused and hurt me.

Oh, and I obviously took it off immediately.

OP posts:

Hullygully · 08/02/2011 11:06

After one of my periodic harsh sort and clear sessions (when no one is in to check), I have found dh going through the bin liners from the dustbin 'in case.'

paddypoopants · 08/02/2011 11:14

It's valentines day next week - what could be more thoughtful than having said garment framed with a little brass plaque that says 'Dh's special memory backpacking t shirt'. Something that special should be behing glass. Naughty you for having laundered it- you probably washed all the lovely smells of vom and beer off it.

GwynAndBearIt · 08/02/2011 11:48

Take the t-shirt, dress a large teddy bear in it, or better still a dog, take a picture of it being worn.

Hide the t-shirt.

Send the picture to him along with a ransom note, saying if he ever wants to see it again he'd better return your previously loving husband.

oldwomaninashoe · 08/02/2011 12:17

I would be more concerned about what the "special memory" was

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 08/02/2011 12:21

I wouldn't worry about it, it sounds like one of those daft arguments where you both think 'WTF was that about?' 10 minutes later.

FWIW, DH doesn't like me wearing his t-shirts or jumpers, because despite the fact that I'm a lot smaller than him, I have big boobs which tend to distort the fronts

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 08/02/2011 12:27

See, now I want to know what the special memeory t-shirt is a reminder of. If I'm not told, I shall have to speculate

BalloonSlayer · 08/02/2011 12:38

Oh yes GwynandBearit is right. You need to take the t-shirt on secret days out to dangerous places, and take photos of it:

dangled over crocodile pit at zoo

held over the edge of a cliff

being "worn" by the dog shit bin at the local park

being modelled by one of your dustmen

Send the photos anonymously to his work. Deny all knowledge. 'Twill drive him crazy.

controlpantsandgladrags · 08/02/2011 12:52

Burn it and place the ashes in a decorative urn. He could then build a shrine.

TheDevilAndTheDeepBlueSea · 08/02/2011 13:55

BalloonSlayer

ashamedandconfused · 08/02/2011 13:56

I cant be the only one thinking his reaction sounds almost guilty

what does he use the t shirt for? why does it spend ages screwed up on the bedroom floor - i see it as some sort of comfort blanket used for , well, "private moments" LOL - you know what I mean......

bellastella · 08/02/2011 14:10

This reminds me of my ex. He had a very special t-shirt. It was very faded black with a yellow Batman logo and fag burn holes. He liked to wear it when he was doing his morning stretches (not a euphemism!). I once wore it and had a very similar reaction from him as the OP had from her man. I wasn't overly impressed.
We split up (after he cheated on me) and one of the things that cheers me still is that I had the presence of mind to take it with me on my last visit to his. He did ask if I had it and could he have it back, but sadly for him I said I had burnt it! (Actually it wasn't worth that much effort and I had just popped it in the bin )

ashamedandconfused · 08/02/2011 14:14

"He liked to wear it when he was doing his morning stretches (not a euphemism!)". ROFL!

Dropdeadfred · 08/02/2011 15:11

was it given to him by anyone significant?

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 08/02/2011 15:25

He wants it to last forever to always remind him of his youth!! I would have taken it off, blown my nose on it & thrown it at him for having such a silly OTT reaction, and put on something else

sloggies · 08/02/2011 15:47

He is being a bit precious about this.You have taken it too much to heart. It's not about you - he probably wouldn't let Angelina Jolie wear it either.

chocolatemarshmallow · 08/02/2011 17:47

YANBU it was insensitive of him to snap at you and way overreacting about a simple t shirt but just remember that when having self-esteem issues we always focus on the bits we are worried about and somehow think they mean more than the other things they say.

Important thing is that on realising you were upset he apologised so clearly he values and loves you and it was just a silly knee jerk reaction about something he's attached to.

Definitely don't worry about it any more and yes he's just being a silly sod and yes he obv still loves you very much!

Original poster

recklesswoman · 08/02/2011 17:59

Thankyou chocolatemarshmallow, it is sometimes confusing re the self esteem problems, I have to work quite hard on not interpreting things people say as negative things about me. He is usually really good at recognising and working around this.

Quick update: we had a chat and all is well again, he apologised again for snapping, and explained the 'real' reason why he didn't want me to wear it (he reassured me that I am not a dirty person who makes clothes dirty!). He does actually have a very good reason for being a bit precious.

OP posts:

FiveFeetTwo · 08/02/2011 18:03

Is it covered in the "woman love" of a previous girlfriend?

bubblewrapped · 08/02/2011 18:08

Yes, you are over-reacting lol.... compare how you would feel if you found him wearing your favourite top to do wash the car in.. if you were putting it on for going out for the night, and had said "ok if I wear your top?" it would probably be different, but if it was just for around the house, then he was just being anxious his top (which I assume is fairly irreplaceable) might get damaged...

I am notorious for getting bleach, hair dye, grease etc, on anything I wear.. so if I put one of my husbands favourite tops on, he would tell me to get it off me immediately.

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