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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be upset? Or is DH being an arse? Please help!

69 replies

recklesswoman · 08/02/2011 09:26

Before I begin, I am aware of how ridiculous an argument this is. Not sure if IABU.

Got out of bed, felt cold, threw on the first t shirt to hand.
Which just happened to be a special memory backpacking t shirt belonging to DH from his student days.
He asked me to immediately take it off as 'it's special' and he 'doesn't want me to get shit all over it'.
(he has since apologised for this particular statement, doesn't know why he said it, although he stands by the orgiginal point of not wanting me to wear it)

I am very upset and hurt by this. Am I not special enough to wear his amazing magical t shirt? I can't imagine giving a stuff about him using/wearing anything of mine, he's my husband and we love each other, it wouldn't occur to me to have an objection.

IABU? Or is he being petty and selfish?
Please help as his has really confused and hurt me.

Oh, and I obviously took it off immediately.

OP posts:

MmeLindt · 08/02/2011 09:48

Not ripping you apart, but gently ribbing. More him that you, as he is being really silly, but sorry if I upset you.

He is being silly, but he realised it and apologised.

I presume he knows that you have self esteem issues at present? Talk to him about how upset you were.

pearlym · 08/02/2011 09:48

It would make me feel pretty crappy if my DP did that to me, almost as if h did not want me touching his stuff or somethig, YANUBU

Original poster

recklesswoman · 08/02/2011 09:49

Ah, I do have large norks actually, maybe that was the issue..

Relieved to hear it's considered a normal man reaction. Looks like my emotional issues are on overdrive and I may be a tiny bit unreasonable to get quite so upset.

OP posts:

mistletoekisses · 08/02/2011 09:51

LOL at this thread.

What zikes said.

Dropdeadfred · 08/02/2011 09:51

He was probably worried you would get makeup on it - don't worry abou it anymore

GORGEOUSX · 08/02/2011 09:51

I think YABU, but is your DH over the age of 16?

Why not spend the day in his favourite non-special-memory shirt and get 'shit' all over that instead?

melikalikimaka · 08/02/2011 09:52

When he's out, wipe your arse on it. That really would be taking it literally!

Hullygully · 08/02/2011 09:52

It's not about how he feels about you, it's how he feels about the t shirt.

Humans are odd creatures, we do form terribly strong attachments to the strangest of things. Or feel strongly about bizarre things.

Dh kept the most hideous of glasses (drinking) for years because it was associated with fuck knows what.

I wouldn't worry about it.

diddl · 08/02/2011 09:55

What I still want to know is where was it?

We have our own wardrobes/chest of drawers, so I wouldn´t get any of my husbands clothes out to wear-unless I particularly wanted a tshirt as a dress.

But if he´d left a tshirt laying about & I wanted to stick something on for a few minutes when I first got up, then it would be fair game.

I don´t think it´s a normal reaction at all.

melikalikimaka · 08/02/2011 09:55

Laughter is the best therapy, and this thread is making me howl!

Snorbs · 08/02/2011 09:56

"it's a man thing"
Indeed, because women are famous for never owning keepsakes or mementos that they are particularly attached to even if they have no obvious worth to anyone else.

"bring him to heel"
FFS

"You could always argue that if he loved you (really, really loved you) he would give you the t-shirt as a token of his undying whatever...."
Only if you were a hugely manipulative and controlling arse who is happy to use emotional blackmail to get your own way.

OP, he over-reacted about something that should probably be trivial and he subsequently apologised. He's human. Sometimes he's going to make mistakes. But as he's also a grown-up, when he does make mistakes he apologises for them. Accept the apology for what it is and move on.

missmehalia · 08/02/2011 09:57

Clean the bath with it.

Hullygully, feel your pain on the hideous drinking glasses thing. We live in a small house, and DH will insist on hanging onto the what is, to me, weird crap. To him it's some kind of valuable object because of its sentimental meaning.

He nearly burst a blood vessel when one of the kids broke a glass he got at a beer festival.

I've told him if things are that precious he doesn't want others to touch them, then ffs, put them AWAY somewhere out of sight.

In a family home if you leave things out, you run the risk of others not recognising their value to you.

SlightlyJaded · 08/02/2011 09:58

We had one of these in our house once.

We were going skiing and I came across and old ski-pass holder - you know a clip on bit of plastic with a clip on stretchy elastic.

"ooh look" says I "we only need to get one new ski pass holder"

Cue dramatic rugby tackle type extraction from my hand because this was aparantly his 'Special First Ever Ski Pass Holder From The First (And Only) Ever School Trip Ever From The Only Ever Time It Was 1986 Ever'

I was completely and watched in disbelief as it was carefully folded back up and placed in special box of speccial tat things.

It wasn't about you OP. It was about your DH being over emotionally attached to something for no real reason. It doesn't make him evil, just a bit daft. He has apologised for over-reacting, dont worry about it.

melikalikimaka · 08/02/2011 09:58

What I would do is every week just unpick a few stitches in the arms and seams and eventually it will fall apart. Revenge served cold.

Original poster

recklesswoman · 08/02/2011 10:00

Diddl - it was folded up at the end of the bed. I'd washed and folded it after finding it crumpled and covered in carpet fluff on the floor having not been washed for Christ knows how long.

Glad some are finding this funny! It is a bit daft really isn't it..

Thanks ladies for the advice - must repeat to self it's not a reflection of his feelings, he's just a silly sod who's attached to a t shirt.

Won't be washing it again though, if it's so precious he can do that himself.

OP posts:

comewhinewithme · 08/02/2011 10:00

YANBU - DP once moaned because I put his pj bottoms on he said I was going to stretch them .

zikes · 08/02/2011 10:02

Get a nice big clip-frame and frame it for him.

Birthday sorted!

Chil1234 · 08/02/2011 10:03

Seriously, a lot of people have 'random stuff' that is special to them and brings back fond memories. Hands up any mums that still have their DCs first shoes, a milk tooth or a crumpled mothers day card lurking in the knicker drawer? Old dolls and teds are incredibly long-lived! I've got a scarf that I keep, my old school tie and a few other things that mean nothing to anyone other than me. Why not a t-shirt that brings back memories of youth?

Snapping the way he did says nothing about how he feels about the OP.

melikalikimaka · 08/02/2011 10:03

Ha, ha, Zikes, agree with you, when it falls apart, it would make a point tho wouldn't it?

stealthsquiggle · 08/02/2011 10:04

DH would do this.

I would freak at him about other "stuff"

'tis no big deal.

mayorquimby · 08/02/2011 10:04

yabu, it's his t-shirt and he doesn't want you wearing it.not that hard to understand.

diddl · 08/02/2011 10:06

"I'd washed and folded it after finding it crumpled and covered in carpet fluff on the floor having not been washed for Christ knows how long."

So you actually care more about it than he does?

I thought it was special that it was kept somewhere say only to be brought out & looked at reverently on special occasions.

FreudianSlippery · 08/02/2011 10:11

He's being ridiculous.

Though I may be biased - any special t-shirts DH has (Chelsea/England/great north run type stuff) he actually quite likes me wearing them :o

FreudianSlippery · 08/02/2011 10:14

Anyway, I'd be very hurt by what your DH said - saying you'll ruin it is more like something you'd think about a child (like why you wouldn't want your 3yo wearing your best necklace to nursery etc) - it's not something you are supposed to think of/say to your spouse! Very patronising. IMO.

BlueCollie · 08/02/2011 10:16

I say it's a man thing. However, if my DH had said something like that when i was in the full throws of PMT land I would have felt deeply upset like you....however, on a 'normal' day I would have pissed myself laughing at him
Although I still do have t-shirts from the old days that i refuse to throw out and not sure I would want him wearing them

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