Just found out that our agency cleaner has had her mum in with her today without asking/telling us

[TheMartorialist]

We've had this cleaner for just coming up to a couple of weeks after having to let our former one go [same agency]. She's done a really good job so far - the only issue we've had is her leaving stuff like the vacuum upstairs in the guest room, presumably because she didn't have enough time to bring it down (even though she would have had to go downstairs to leave the house), but I just put a note in our record book asking that she returns any cleaning stuff back to where it's usually kept.

Just came home from college today unexpectedly (exams start this week and had to lug a bunch of books home, plus recovering from the most godawful flu) and our cleaner was still around. All well and good, but her mum who had "come up from Wales" was here as well "helping her out".

I don't want to make a big deal of it, but I just don't like the fact that there's been someone else in our home and we weren't given any prior warning. It took a long time for me to be comfortable enough with getting a cleaner in the first place. If she'd mentioned it and asked beforehand, I don't think I'd have said no (although, come to think of it, it may raise potential issues about any insurance the agency has taken out). Her mum isn't registered with the agency and I don't want to call the agency in case she ends up with a formal warning or, at worst, losing her job.

I didn't want to raise it with her whilst her mum was here as well, so was just going to leave a note in our record book (as I'm usually not home on the days she comes in). I don't want to sound harsh or rude, but I do want to make it clear that we would like prior notice before/if she is planning on having someone come in with/replace her on certain days and that whoever is coming in needs to be registered with the same agency, so any ideas on how to phrase it would be much appreciated. Then again, I could just put it down to a one-off and just not say anything, but I think I'd just keep wondering if she'd do it again.

So, AIBU to be annoyed by it? If not, how do I make sure, in a way that doesn't cause offence but makes it clear that it's not something I'm happy with, that it doesn't happen again?

I would fire her to be honest, it's your home, not a fucking social club. I wouldn't want someone like that in my house as she obviously can't be arsed being a good employee a few weeks in. If you'd had her a year or so, then I'd warn not to do it again, but a few weeks? Fired.

It would depend to me if the mum was sitting on your sofa drinking coffee, or whizzing around with a duster.

Has she been with the agency long?

It probably isnt within the agency rules to take someone with you, but I suppose the cleaner felt as it was her mother, and her mum was helping, it wouldnt be a problem.

I dunno to be honest.. I probably wouldnt be happy, and I think it is unprofessional, especially as this cleaner is still new to you. If you had an established relationship with her then it would be different.

I think its something that you may get mixed opinions on tbh.
I've got a cleaner and I wouldnt mind if she did this - it seems like a one off, it was her mum rather than just bringing round mates etc, and as long as she did a good job of the cleaning and wasnt chatting and slacking it wouldnt bother me at all.

If you dont like the idea of it then politely mention that you'd rather not have any one else come into the house with her unless agreed in advance. She probably has no idea you would be upset by it.

YANBU this is over-stepping boundaries. If you are happy with otherwise, I probably wouldn't sack her. You can mention the insurance implications in any note you might leave, and I [personally) would say you do not want anyone there not cleared by the agency, which could be insurance related as before. I wouldn't give her any 'slack' room for trying to negoitiate that she bring her Aussie cousin's cat's mother or whoever, as she may be perfectly nice, but have wobbly boundaries. May save you some problems in the future.

I would find this fine as a one off, and if the house was nicely cleaned. It's not a big deal, IMO. She might have thought it was fine to bring her along to help, as you might if it were a less formal arrangement with an agency.

I can understand your discomfort but I think a quiet word is appropriate in this instance provided you were happy with the standard your house was cleaned to otherwise. My mil goes with my sil and helps out as she gets lonely from time to time, ends up helping and the person she cleans for gets twice the work done!!

What would bother me is that without you popping back today you wouldnt have known, if this popping back is rare, and the cleaner knows it, i'd worry how often it happens, and if other people sometimes come too. Maybe Im over thinking it though?

Was the house clean? If so I wouldn't be bothered-it was her Mum, not a random person.

It is absolutely your house your rules so it's up to you.I can't see how it matters how I or anybody else woiuld feel.

You're right about her losing her job and she'll be getting bugger all as it is working for an agency.

I would write a note leaving any emotional words out (eg no 'I was upset') and be as brief as possible. Eg I'd prefer it was only you in the house when you come here.Thanks.

She has no idea if you're around much or not so I doubt she'll do it again if you write that.

I would fire and get another cleaner.

This is too early in your employment relationship and she should have asked first.

I had a cleaner who brought her mum along once (her mum was suffering from depression and I think she wanted to keep an eye on her). That week the £50 we had put aside to pay the gardner disappeared. Maybe a coincidence and so we did not go accusing anyone - I just asked that she not bring her mother along again. But no money has ever gone missing before or since.

The more people you have in your house the harder and more complicated things get when something goes wrong.

I would also not go via an agency - the actual cleaner does not get to keep much of the money you pay out. Just stick ad in the local newsagent window asking for checkable references - in my experience this works out far better for all.

She gets paid more / you have more control / you have spoken to her other employers and can feel more comfortable that you know more about her.

Thanks for your suggestions. I think I'll leave a note for when next she comes - she does a good job and I think/hope it's a one off and a little message from me will be enough to stop it from happening again - no emotive language as you suggested, defineme. As an aside, we use an agency for insurance purposes (a few close friends have had bad experiences with a recommendations-only cleaner before) and the cleaner gets to keep just over two-thirds of what we pay the agency.

Having said that, today seems to be the day different people decide to invade my personal space without consent. Have just had someone in our front garden helping themselves to wood from our old staircase we've been taking apart - no ringing the bell or asking or anything. Confronting him, was met with "Oh, I'm just getting rid of some of your rubbish for you. Doing a loft conversion(!)" No please, may I, thank you, nothing. I called after him asking that he at least knock and ask next time and tried to tell him the wood wasn't suitable for what he was proposing but he just jaunted away without a backwards glance! He's too far down the road now, so can't even see where/which house he's going to turn off into to warn whoever's loft conversion it is - the wood is old, warped, brittle and liable to crack!!!

I think a cup of tea and a lie down is much called for, before I get any more surprises!

My mum used to clean. She used to take me with her (sullen teenager) to help.
No agency though.

Never occurred to her that someone would be in the slightest bothered, because she wouldn't have been bothered.

Then again, she wouldn't be bothered with peole nicking her wood either, she would have laughed about that. My brother's wasking machine got nicked from outside and he rung us chuckling that it had saved him a trip to the tip.

So, speak to her. If possible, in person. As this book you have is likely to cause a rift.

How odd
If she'd been working at the checkout in the local supermarket would she have had her mum come along "to help out"

This would bit her me less with a cleaner that I had known for a while. As your cleaner is new, I would think that she would be trying her best not to overstep the Mark.

I would be worried about what she would think is appropriate to do once she knows you better.

I dont agree with everything readywithwellies has said - I don't think it is ok for someone to bring someone into someone elses house without permission.

But - she is right about the book - no good can come of it - unless you restrict it to notes about her needing more harpic or rubber gloves etc.

Anyhing more complicated needs to be said in person otherwise the potential for misunderstanding is huge.

Sullwah - I was trying to say that people have different boundaries and the cleaner may not see that her behaviour is 'wrong'. If spoken to nicely she may be mortified that she has caused offence.

If it's not worth mentioning to her in person, then it's not worth mentioning at all.

Leaving her a note is no substitute for a friendly request, especially as so far she's got no idea you're upset.

What would your reaction be if she left you a note in this blasted book about your behaviour? I bet you'd think she was being a bit cheeky.

I would tell her that it's not acceptable for you to bring anyone with her in future. I know it was only her mum, but like someone else said, you only found out when you popped home that she had brought anyone with her.

It's also a case of if you let this slide, she might start to think she can do what she likes, bring who she likes, and that you're a bit of a pushover.

I didn't think anything would be wrong with a record/note book - neither DH nor I are home when she comes round and it's used for notes for if she needs anything, if there's anything in particular we'd like done/in a certain way, how it's going so far, if we'd like an extra hour here or there, if she can't make it the following week and she'll be getting the agency to send a replacement, if she wasn't able to do everything in the allotted time etc. That way, I don't have to do everything through the agency.

Today was very unusual - I'm usually never home during the day the whole working week (only been home once when she has been here and that was when she came round on a Saturday to view the house before she started), so I don't know how I would get to speak to her in person - unless you'd advocate taking a day off work/college just to mention it, which I can't/shouldn't do (part of my general score is based on attendance).

I don't see how my "behaviour" comes into it - I certainly wouldn't be offended if she left me a note in the book saying that the house was too messy to clean in the allotted time. I could ask the agency for her mobile number and call her directly, but wouldn't that be seen as even more big a deal (plus alerting the agency to the fact that something happened/isn't quite right)?

You could alway try doing your own cleaning

This wouldn't bother me at all. Why does it matter if she brings her mum to work with her? I'd love to take my family and friends to work with me! Some of my job is confidential and as I work in a team extra people might put others off so it wouldn't really be an option for me. Having said that we've had people bring their kids, dads, friends in for the day on the odd occasion and as long as they don't run amok no one bats an eyelid. If she's done a good job I'm really not sure why you mind, tbh.

This wouldn't bother me in the slightest. Tell her you're not comfortable with people being in your home without you knowing about it, but please don't mention it to the agency, no way does she deserve to lose her job over this.

It wouldnt bother me. My cleaner comes once a week, sometimes its her, sometimes its her sister. I dont care who it is as long as they do the cleaning.

I wouldnt dream of a notebook. A line on the back of the gas bill does us!

You are most certainly not BU. I suggest the following:

Dear cleaner,

Please note, that whilst I am happy with your cleaning, I cannot have anyone else in the house whilst you are here, not least because in the event of an accident I would be responsible.

Also, my contract with the Agency does not allow it; Therefore under absolutely no circumstances can you be accompanied with anyone.

Thank you.
or words to that effect....

The Martorialist I just knew there would be an ignorant post along the lines of 'do your own cleaning'.

I suspect people who take that stance cannot afford to have someone else clean their shitty toilets for them and are jealous of those of us who can get someone else to do it.