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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Just found out that our agency cleaner has had her mum in with her today without asking/telling us

75 replies

TheMartorialist · 07/02/2011 16:48

We've had this cleaner for just coming up to a couple of weeks after having to let our former one go [same agency]. She's done a really good job so far - the only issue we've had is her leaving stuff like the vacuum upstairs in the guest room, presumably because she didn't have enough time to bring it down (even though she would have had to go downstairs to leave the house), but I just put a note in our record book asking that she returns any cleaning stuff back to where it's usually kept.

Just came home from college today unexpectedly (exams start this week and had to lug a bunch of books home, plus recovering from the most godawful flu) and our cleaner was still around. All well and good, but her mum who had "come up from Wales" was here as well "helping her out".

I don't want to make a big deal of it, but I just don't like the fact that there's been someone else in our home and we weren't given any prior warning. It took a long time for me to be comfortable enough with getting a cleaner in the first place. If she'd mentioned it and asked beforehand, I don't think I'd have said no (although, come to think of it, it may raise potential issues about any insurance the agency has taken out). Her mum isn't registered with the agency and I don't want to call the agency in case she ends up with a formal warning or, at worst, losing her job.

I didn't want to raise it with her whilst her mum was here as well, so was just going to leave a note in our record book (as I'm usually not home on the days she comes in). I don't want to sound harsh or rude, but I do want to make it clear that we would like prior notice before/if she is planning on having someone come in with/replace her on certain days and that whoever is coming in needs to be registered with the same agency, so any ideas on how to phrase it would be much appreciated. Then again, I could just put it down to a one-off and just not say anything, but I think I'd just keep wondering if she'd do it again.

So, AIBU to be annoyed by it? If not, how do I make sure, in a way that doesn't cause offence but makes it clear that it's not something I'm happy with, that it doesn't happen again?

OP posts:

DrNortherner · 07/02/2011 19:29

This wouldn't bother me either tbh.

TheMonster · 07/02/2011 19:31

YABU. Her mum was giving her a hand, you said so yourself.

Original poster

TheMartorialist · 07/02/2011 19:37

I would suggest that you could alway[s] try reviewing your posts before posting, but instead, I'll just hand you a RunAwayWife. You should be pleased - it's my very first Then again, perhaps those earning an income and paying taxes as cleaners would be more than happy to be out of jobs based on your say-so.

Bitchiness aside, I guess it was hard enough agreeing to get a cleaner in the first place - I'm very precious about my privacy, but realised that I was running myself ragged trying to keep on top of everything whilst working/studying outside of home 7am to 9pm, Monday to Friday. I went with an agency specifically because I wanted to avoid minor issues like this. I do not want people who I haven't approved in my home, especially if no prior warning has been given. I don't think that is asking too much.

Like I said previously, I won't get to see her in person unless I pre-schedule a specific time for her to come round, which means taking time off college, affecting my grade, and goes against me trying to not make that big a deal about it. The same goes for calling the agency and asking for her mobile number. The best option I have is leaving a note for her, but apparently, doing that in a record book isn't acceptable either, which then leaves the option of a specific note just to let her know, which goes right back to making a big deal about it. I don't want her to lose her job over it, but I don't want to risk it happening again as then I WOULD say something to the agency (which wouldn't seem fair if I hadn't mentioned something to her the first time round).

So ... after much meandering, I shall leave a brief non-emotive note in the book we use to leave messages for one another, and if she takes it the wrong way, she's welcome to tell the agency that she is not happy to do our house, which may then be the best solution all around as, by doing so, she would obviously think that there was nothing wrong with what she did, and I wouldn't want someone like that continuing to work in our home. And breathe

Thanks for all opinions and suggestions though - wouldn't want to be accused of not acknowledging people's advice

OP posts:

Wook · 07/02/2011 19:39

Can't see your problem with it.
Haven't you got better things to worry about?
Her mum had come up from Wales! To visit! It's hardly going to be an everyday occurence is it?
What on earth is in your house that you're so concerned about people coming in?
And if you chucked old wood out in your garden then why on earth shouldn't someone who can use it come and take it???

Original poster

TheMartorialist · 07/02/2011 19:57

Well, I wouldn't know that, would I Wook? I hope you certainly don't mind people coming into your house whom you had not given permission to be there.

And, to me, if there's something in my front garden, unless I had left a note to say "Help yourself", it is rude to simply walk on to someone's property and help yourself to items, rubbish or otherwise.

Then again, I've had people help themselves to brand new [distressed-style] planters in my front garden without asking the day after I bought them and planned to plant them up - last time I checked, that was called theft (though, of course, they must have been justified in thinking it was rubbish simply because the planters were left there )

OP posts:

PinkElephant73 · 07/02/2011 20:11

She should have asked you beforehand, it is common courtesy (and what my cleaner did when she had someone else working with her.)

leave a note for her to say you dont want this to happen again - if she doesnt like it tough. its your house.

what if her mum had broken something, it would not have been covered by the agency's insurance so she would have presumably lied to the agency about that.

what is also worrying is that she has only been cleaning for you a couple of weeks - who else is she going to bring along next time she feels like it?

Wook · 07/02/2011 20:13

Are you real? You seem so angry over nothing.
The (distressed-style) aside seems to hint at the fact that you are somebody having a laugh??

Original poster

TheMartorialist · 07/02/2011 20:19

Well, to be fair, I'm not the one with an abundance of "!" and "???" in her posts. "Distressed-style" i.e. perhaps they looked like rubbish but they most certainly weren't. Then again, perhaps you are purposefully misunderstanding - or perhaps not, though I wouldn't be sure which would be more worrying

'Tis up to you Wook if you are happy for any person, invited or not, to enter your home/come on to your property and/or help themselves to whatever they might like. I reserve the right to have a different stance on that

Thanks again for opinions offered, the sensible, pointless and all in between.

OP posts:

junktrunk · 07/02/2011 20:22

Ask her mum if she can pop round my house for a bit of cleaning hahah

PorkChopSter · 07/02/2011 20:23

You're paying the agency, right? Call them, tell them, they tell her, job done. That's what you are paying them for.

sherby · 07/02/2011 20:27

meh, can't say it would bother me but my mum has been cleaning houses for years so this is by no means the most ridiculous thing i've heard from an employer

GORGEOUSX, you sound like a right nob

junktrunk · 07/02/2011 20:28

seriously i would just have a quite word and ask her to clear it with you if she ever wants to bring her again! it's a bit of a liberty to invite someone into a strangers home!!Even if it is her mum

sherby · 07/02/2011 20:29

and just in case you thought that was supposed to say 'snob' and not 'nob' it wasn't, I meant nob

but you can have have snob too if you want, they both fit rather nicely

HTH

TheVisitor · 07/02/2011 20:33

I'd not be happy. Whilst your cleaner is vetted, her mother isn't and could be a tealeaf for all you know. I'd speak to the agency, as it's their job to deal with problems.

BrandyAlexander · 07/02/2011 20:40

Urgh. As someone who has had a cleaner who stole over £2k worth of stuff from me, I would have called the agency and fired her and them instantly. I pay the agency to send a vetted cleaner to my home. I would regard it as such a total invasion my privacy. My home, my rules. I wouldn't (having done it myself over thieving cleaner) dither either about it either.

kittybuttoon · 07/02/2011 20:40

If you can't/won't have a face-to-face conversation with her, dial your own number when she's at your home, and talk on the phone.

Oh, you've left her a note telling her not to answer the phone?

OK, leave her a note saying you're going to call at a certain time, and to please pick it up.

You just don't want to talk to her about it yourself, do you?

GORGEOUSX · 07/02/2011 20:41

Sherby I'm heartened by your post - I wouldn't want to have a kinship with a lower class person; I certainly wouldn't mix in the same social circles as my cleaner's daughter.

Original poster

TheMartorialist · 07/02/2011 20:55

I don't mind talking to her about it myself, it's just that she comes at a time to suit her. I can ask her to call me on my mobile over the house phone but there's no guarantee I would be able to take the call if I'm in a class/in an exam when she does call, and there's no guarantee she would still be around if/when I could call back. I could leave her my mobile number and a time she could reach me, but that WOULD be cheeky, getting her to spend money to call me so I can tell her that she shouldn't do what she did. I could get her to leave me her number so I can reach her, but that would make a big deal of things, which I am trying to avoid in the first place.

TBH, it's probably more headache than it's worth trying to do it in a way that's fair to her and suitable for me. The path of least resistance is to call the agency and let them know what happened and that I am not happy with it, then it can be their problem to deal with in a way that their contract with her dictates. If they eventually send me a new cleaner, so be it. If not, then at least she knows. It just seems rather heavy-handed to do it that way, but is probably the least "faffy" way to deal with it.

So, yet again, after more meandering, I've changed my mind. Beauty of AIBU Let the agency deal with it as they see fit.

OP posts:

Kione · 07/02/2011 21:03

My granny's cleaner sometimes takes her husband! One of the days its set for her to do a bit of cleaning and then the shopping(heavy stuff that my granny can't carry) so she started going with her husband and he does the shopping while she cleans, so then he goes in the flat and puts things away. If cleaner hasn't finished he watches tv (we know this because he is a bit def and puts the volume up so much!) my granny wasn't bothered at all, but she's had this lady for years.

To keep with the thread, if the agency doesn't allow it I think you should deffinitelly tell her and not feel bad about it. Its not allowed full stop. Say it politely as mentioned above. You could always ask for her number saying to the agency that she forgot something, no need to explain the whole thing.

merrywidow · 07/02/2011 21:09

my mate came home once to find her cleaner in the shower along with the cleaners boyfriend

GORGEOUSX · 07/02/2011 21:10

Well I hope they had the grace to clean the shower thoroughly after themselves.

BerylStreep · 07/02/2011 21:16

OP, I can understand your point of view. I wouldn't bring my mum or any other family member along to work with me, so although she has probably not thought anything of it, she is unlikely to have thought of your point of view.

I agree that a note in the book could be misinterpreted. Ringing the agency could kand her in hot water, and if otherwise you are happy, you probably don't want that (although I wonder how many other jobs she has brought her Mum to?)

If it was me, I would leave a note asking her to ring you on the mobile when she is next there. Perhaps a convo such as;
Hi, wanted to touch base with you, how is everything going? I'm really impressed with the job you're doing. One thing, I noticed your mum last week, and tbh I would prefer if people weren't in the house when I don't know. Hope you're not offended. Speak soon. etc.

Grandmar · 07/02/2011 21:19

Two for the price of one! I would not complain, love value for money!

Wook · 07/02/2011 21:23

If your actions should lead to the cleaner getting the sack from her job martorialist then I am sure you will think that she only has herself to blame. However, it would be far more humane, empathetic and thoughtful to have a conversation with the woman about it in this instance, since it's apparently a one off. It's hardly the climate to be losing your job in...
I just despair when I read threads such as these. The world some of you people live in is a very strange strange place where apparently cleaners and other 'domestics' are some kind of lower form of life and can't be spoken to like normal human beings.
I've been a cleaner, and had a cleaner- maybe it's only once you have done the job for others you realise how awful it is, and how lucky you are when you are in a position to employ someone else to do all your dirty work.

GORGEOUSX · 07/02/2011 21:28

Wook I fear you may have misunderstood my 'tongue in cheek' reply to an insult.

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