Just found out that our agency cleaner has had her mum in with her today without asking/telling us

[TheMartorialist]

We've had this cleaner for just coming up to a couple of weeks after having to let our former one go [same agency]. She's done a really good job so far - the only issue we've had is her leaving stuff like the vacuum upstairs in the guest room, presumably because she didn't have enough time to bring it down (even though she would have had to go downstairs to leave the house), but I just put a note in our record book asking that she returns any cleaning stuff back to where it's usually kept.

Just came home from college today unexpectedly (exams start this week and had to lug a bunch of books home, plus recovering from the most godawful flu) and our cleaner was still around. All well and good, but her mum who had "come up from Wales" was here as well "helping her out".

I don't want to make a big deal of it, but I just don't like the fact that there's been someone else in our home and we weren't given any prior warning. It took a long time for me to be comfortable enough with getting a cleaner in the first place. If she'd mentioned it and asked beforehand, I don't think I'd have said no (although, come to think of it, it may raise potential issues about any insurance the agency has taken out). Her mum isn't registered with the agency and I don't want to call the agency in case she ends up with a formal warning or, at worst, losing her job.

I didn't want to raise it with her whilst her mum was here as well, so was just going to leave a note in our record book (as I'm usually not home on the days she comes in). I don't want to sound harsh or rude, but I do want to make it clear that we would like prior notice before/if she is planning on having someone come in with/replace her on certain days and that whoever is coming in needs to be registered with the same agency, so any ideas on how to phrase it would be much appreciated. Then again, I could just put it down to a one-off and just not say anything, but I think I'd just keep wondering if she'd do it again.

So, AIBU to be annoyed by it? If not, how do I make sure, in a way that doesn't cause offence but makes it clear that it's not something I'm happy with, that it doesn't happen again?

Wouldn't bother me. My agency cleaners sometimes bring their kids if it is half term etc. I didn't realise this and was here when they turned up. They were obviously a bit embarrassed, but I didn't mind - it's not a very well paid job, and I was pleased they were able to combine it with childcare.

YABU. It was her mum, she hadn't invited her mates round to drink your booze and watch telly.

Agree with an earlier poster, you do sound a bit angry. I am always amazed what people get angry about on here. Chill.

BTW, I wouldn;t write a note - you will put her back up. If you can't see her person to person, then why not ring her. Or just leave it...

I used to work as a cleaner some years back and worked for a very lovely lady - I liked her so much that I always did an excellent job at her house, did stuff that I wasn't technically supposed to do such as cleaning out her fridge and tidying her shoe cabinet (She had a collection like bloody Imelda Marcos). The other lady I cleaned for a was a nasty, distrusting snob who quite often left officious, crappy little notes telling me off and TBH, I ended up doing the bare minimum for her.

I dunno, OP, cleaners have the power to exact some serious revenge in your house (they have access to your personal effects, spit in your milk etc)... I'm not saying this woman would do that to you but it's always worth being nice...

you are being way too nice, WAY TOO NICE

like gorgeousx letter, use it!

and be ready to change the locks

I have a cleaner and i would be very cross if she brought someone else into my house without my consent. it is very different imo when its your own home. however, i wouldnt mind at all if she asked in advance and explained circumstances, eg a relative/friend visiting. This didnt happen in your case and I would feel the same as you do
i found my cleaner through local ad and she is great. i have my own employers insurance.
i do hope you dont feel you have to contact agency as this may get her into trouble and it could be that she really didnt think through how it may feel for you to have someone in your home that you were unaware of.
i agree the note book sounds a bit ott but i can see why a written communication is necessary when you are not there. if i'm not here when cleaner comes then i leave a note, usually on the back of an envelope and then she will tick off each item. She says that she likes this system as its like a 'to do' list and its satisfying to tick things off list.
i dont see anything wrong with using notebook if thats what you are used to. i dont but then i see my cleaner sometimes. also, writing a message in there about her mum might be the best way not to make a big thing of it as that is your usual method of communicating. maybe you could invite her to make a comment in response? that way you can be reassured (in writing) that it wont happen again

Taking a relative with you to your job is not normally done, and if it is done you would OK it with your employer first. When your job involves going into someone else's house alone it should never be done without your employer and the householder's permissions (if they are 2 different people).

I'll admit to being annoyed - it's my home and I do not like people being in it that I do not know/haven't approved to be there, be it a cleaner or my relative. I don't see how that is strange.

I don't know that it's a one-off as she didn't tell me it was or even apologise; all I can do is guess as - guess what - I'm usually never here when she is, which just makes it all the more annoying/worrying. It has nothing to do with seeing her as "some kind of lower life form" and everything to do with the fact that if I am letting someone into my home as a professional, I ought to be able to trust that they would act professionally, respect that trust and not abuse it in any way. If I can't do that or if there is any doubt whatsoever, then I would rather not have her here.

Thanks for the hint about what cleaners can do Tryharder. I will be asking the agency for a different cleaner.

I'm obviously in a minority becasue this wouldn't bother me too much

I know 'the rules' but do people not tend to have fairly relaxed relationships with their cleaners? And it's her mum, not a toddler, an accidnet is unlikely to happen (and surely if it did common sense would prevail?)

Well, I'm very glad that you don't clean for me readywithwellies, so the feeling is mutual.

Stealth, I'm someone who likes her privacy - I'm hardly ever home, so perhaps I'm that bit more precious about my privacy. It took a long time to get to the point of admitting I needed some help around the house and went with an agency so I didn't have to deal with the usual "blurring the line" horror stories I read on here and hear from people with cleaners. The first cleaner they sent me literally took the proverbial - I found out she was spending an hour here whilst she was paid for 3 (happened on at least 3 successive occasions and I only found out because I had a family member staying over) and not doing that great a job within that hour - stupidly, I felt so grateful at having a cleaner, I didn't think to raise any issues earlier. I won't be making that mistake again, so I guess it'll be third strike lucky/unlucky.

On that depressing note, I'm off to bed. If anyone has details of a reliable agency in the south London area, I'd be more than happy to receive any details by CAT (so long as that's allowed by MN, of course!).

I had a situation like this a few years ago. Came home unexpectedly and cleaner's boyfriend was lounging on the sofa watching TV I called the agency, the cleaner gave some excuse about having to use the boyfriend's car but I had distinctly noticed two cars. So now she was caught in a lie as well. I told them it was entirely unacceptable and got a new cleaner.

You're right, it is a bit off. I'd ask the cleaner in future to ask in advance if they want to bring someone with them.

Oh ffs she brought her mum who happened to be visiting to help. Unplug the stick from your arse, they are unlikely to be sniffing your undies, or basically give a shiney shite about you. If you are so precious about your privacy clean your own shagging house.

Where are you? I will do it, I promise I don't give a shit about you, won't go through your mail or anything .

FWIW it wouldn't bother me, our cleaning lady often brought her kids over when it was school holiday and my ex-nanny often had her daughter in for a coffee. But thats me - and if it bothers you then well who are any of us to argue - your house, your rules. But remember that she may not realise this was such a big issue and may have/had employers who let her bring in guests in the past (if this thread shows you nothing - its that people have very different views on this).

But how you treat your cleaner is no different to how any boss should treat any employee. Respect and benefit of the doubt until you have reason to believe otherwise are pretty critical. Just think how you would like to be treated if one of your lecturers or bosses was pissed of with you.

IMO if you always comminucate by message in the book, then why is this any different to please take extra care with Great AUnt Mauds vase or hoover in straight lines - or whatever your particular issue is. Write her a note, although personally I wouldn't use GorgeousX's version unless thats the tone you normally use (which IMO is pretty rude whether its about visitors or ironing!). Just write it down, move on and just be glad you've a clean house to come back to at the end of a long day.

Brain a mess... (if this thread shows you anything - its that people have very different views on this).

What's with all this passive aggressive "leaving a note" nonsense? Doesn't anyone speak to anyone else these days? Are you scared to speak to her or just lazy?

If you have a concern you should talk to her instead of leaving a note. What else had you considered? 'Txting' her or sending her a message on Facebook?

I think you need to start treating your cleaners as your equals. I also think a clear outline of what you expect is essential so there is no room for doubt about what has to be done. The perfect cleaner does not exist but it is possible to kindly manage many imperfect ones to do a very good job.

Also, I would never use an agency. I live in SW London and have never had trouble finding a cleaner. Had the same one from 1988 until she retired in 2003. Since then have used the Polish network. Our cleaner even lives in my spare room for free and does a quick tidy every morning and cooks tea for the dc twice a week.

You really need to get rid of the book though. Either speak to the cleaner or write a personal note. Bringing her mum wouldn't have bothered me at all but I would have welcomed her in a friendly way and said quite clearly "how lovely to meet your mum, she must be such a help to you - it must be great to bring your mum but I bet you wouldn't feel comfortable bringing anyone else to my house though. Shall we all have a cup of tea". Friendly, message across, all good - everyone knows where they stand.

Who cares? It's her MUM. Really don't see the problem, tbh.

If you can only put it in writing then in writing it must be. No point getting all worried about how to tell her, your clearly unhappy about it to have poster on here so do something about it before it happens again.

Personally I would have said something there and then. Who is she to invite someone into your home? An abuse of trust from someone with your front door key, one I feel you need to nip in the bud. Making it clear, it is your house and her place of work and that family, friends whoever are not welcome in your home because you haven't invited them.

Can I just ask those of you all saying it wouldn't bother you - how would you feel if you turned up at work to find one of your employees/colleagues had brought their mum with them just because she was visiting? Why does being a cleaner mean you have different responsibilities with regard to professionalism? Several people have said that OP should treat her cleaner as an equal; well, surely, treating her as an equal would include expecting her to behave in an equal way to any other person with a job. You can't just take whoever you want to work with you simply because your job facilitates it! What next? Firemen taking their kids out on a call because they'd like a ride in the fire engine? Nurses letting their children treat patients with them because the school was having a training day and they didn't have a babysitter? You just don't do it. I have had visitors come and stay and have had to work while they're here, but I don't take them to work, I just see them when I get home!

I would also be unhappy, OP, unless it had been agreed beforehand and I'd met the mother before she'd come along. Though I think it might be better to speak directly to the cleaner about it if at all possible to avoid potential conflict/misinterpretation.

yes it would bother me.you have specific arrangement that cleaner comes,not cleaner and associated family

dont leave a note though,do calmly politely explain that you are unhappy - and decide whether this is a definitive no no and you dont want her back.oe can you leave it at please dont bring family along whilst you working in my house

not sure about tippytoeing around hoping not to offend the woman, she has crossed the line - not you

Thanks for opinions. FWIW, I do treat cleaners as equals - the two I've had so far, at any rate. All because I'm in a position where I pay for my home to be cleaned does not automatically make me think that they are beneath me - they do a professional job and are paid for it, the same way I am or my DH is.

I'm out of the home 14 hours a day, at least 5 days a week, and don't have the cleaner's mobile, so it begs the question when I could see/speak to her unless I specifically schedule a day and time when we are both available, which would not work during the week (even though having a full-time housekeeper would be nice, I doubt we are the only house she does, and I'm not about to jepoardise an attendance record that dictates whether or not I'll have a job to go to at the end of my course).

A book is there as a constant reminder to me as well as them to ask about anything that is needed - I don't see how it makes a difference whether it's in a book, an envelope, the back of a receipt etc. It just means that I have a record and, more importantly, can look through for patterns of how often things run out and remind myself to order them in my set weekly shop. Even more importantly, it is unlikely to go missing/end up being mistakenly thrown away as trash. I don't understand the leap that's been made to it being a problem/condescending when it's used by both parties to communicate. It's the same way I communicate with my CM, the same way I would communicate with anyone doing any work on the house. It would be nice to have the time to be home when there are people here, but it's not going to happen anytime soon.

onceamai, the relationship you have with your cleaner sounds lovely and trusting, but I personally would not be comfortable with that. FWIW, I live in SE London. I do not want to use the little personal time I have to go searching for a non-agency cleaner/deal with references etc, hence why I am paying (what may be or certainly feels like) a premium for an agency.

Anyway, it's all been sorted, and we'll be getting a new cleaner from now on. I've made my feelings known to the agency about it (hopefully managing to leave out any overly emotive words/phrases), and they've assured me that it won't happen again.

i think your resolution seems fair enough,and hope things work better with next cleaner

Oh I agree with you there - I hate the thought of having someone in my house which is why I struggle with the thought of having a cleaner (not that we can afford it at the moment). However, once I'd got over that, one extra person, a presumably trusted adult member of their family wouldn't bother me too much.