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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to press charges against my thieving cleaner

54 replies

MummyAbroad · 07/02/2011 14:56

She's taken our wedding rings, pearl necklace, diamond earrings, 2 ipods, camera, £50 worth of cash, possibly more. She just confessed to (most of it) handed back my engagement ring and given recipts for some other items that are currently in the porn shop. Looks like she has been taking bits slowly over the last few weeks, I am pretty sure most of it (including wedding rings) we wont get back.

I live in Costa Rica by the way. DH doesnt want to press charges because she "might get 15 years"

whilst I dont want to live with sending someone to prison on my conscience, I feel so angry and dont want to let her off scott free, especially as this is not the first time a cleaner has robbed me. (last time I did nothing) Grrrrrr, give me back my stuff!!!

OP posts:
LilQueenie · 07/02/2011 15:00

I think you meant pawn shop lol.

I would press charges. Are you going to sit back and be robbed each time?

TheVisitor · 07/02/2011 15:01

I'd be pressing charges. She chose to steal your stuff, and a LOT of it.

UnrequitedSkink · 07/02/2011 15:02

I'd get straight down to the pawn shop and reclaim what you can -and then is there some other penalty you can impose? And threaten her with going to the police unless she does it?

gailpud · 07/02/2011 15:03

Without wanting to offend you please just lock your stuff away out of sight or clean your own house.

Thingumy · 07/02/2011 15:05

I would report her regardless of the possible jail term.

Does she clean for anyone else?

ENormaSnob · 07/02/2011 15:05

Do the crime. Do the time.

Not rocket science IMO

cees · 07/02/2011 15:05

I'd report her too, this is the second time you have been robbed by a cleaner.

Time to stand up for yourself. She did wrong, not you.

ILoveFrogs · 07/02/2011 15:05

YANBU

You won't be sending her to prison, she stole from you so has brought it on herself. That's a lot of stuff she stole, I'd press charges.

Original poster
MummyAbroad · 07/02/2011 15:06

Blush @ porn shop, my stuff is not that risque!! (cant spell when angry)

ALL of my stuff was locked away out of sight. She rummaged and found the keys! I am going to get a digital safe - not that I have anything left for people to steal now Sad but I really resent having to take off my wedding rings at the end of the day and lock it in a drawer.

DH is touring pawn shops now trying to get stuff back ( and paying to do so!) Grrrrr some more.

OP posts:
Thingumy · 07/02/2011 15:07

Why should she gailpud?

I clean professionally and if someone left a diamond ring on display or a cash I wouldn't steal it.

We are not all thieves that can't help ourselves if expensive items are within someone's house.

Hmm
bubblewrapped · 07/02/2011 15:08

Have you sacked her yet?

Original poster
MummyAbroad · 07/02/2011 15:09

Yes, she is sacked. I also threatened to call the police and thats what got the confession. We have a few days to official put in the papers to press charges.

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 07/02/2011 15:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

stewmaker · 07/02/2011 15:11

is someone is aware of the 15 years and still steals they must be desperate. personally i wouldn't do anything.
I don't think the punishment fits the crime.

If was the UK, I would definitely press charges

Earlybird · 07/02/2011 15:13

Shouldn't your cleaner be telling your dh where to look for your valuables, ie, which pawn shops (in an effort for information to save her hide), rather than him trolling around hoping to find something?

kittybuttoon · 07/02/2011 15:18

Sorry that this has happened to you - but you let it happen twice?

If, as it seems, this sort of theft is par for the course in Costa Rica, then I think that you need to adjust your security arrangements before it happens a third time.

Also, as you threatened her with the police unless she confessed and gave you the pawn receipts, you would be pretty mean to call them in after you'd got what you wanted out of her.

saffy85 · 07/02/2011 15:18

Yes bloody press charges- your cleaner presumably knows she's broken the law and knows the penalty- yet she chose to steal regardless, including stuff of sentimental value (as in the rings).

As for locking up your stuff out of sight goes I am also a bit Hmm as it implies it is somehow the victim's fault when they get robbed even though it's their own home.

kittya · 07/02/2011 15:19

I agree with the above, if it was the uk I would be pressing charges but not somewhere abroad where the prisons really are vile and theres no proper justice.

She mustve been really desperate.

I was pissed off when my cleaner nicked a half tub of Chanel moisturiser so, god knows how angry you must be. It does seem quite calculating looking for your keys, though.

bubblewrapped · 07/02/2011 15:21

I would be livid too, but would also be a bit hesitant to involve the police so long as I got all my stuff back. I would also make her clean for free while I kept a beady eye on her, to make her earn the money that she owes you.

TotorosOcarina · 07/02/2011 15:24

If you report her you wont have to pay to get your stuff back - the police will go collect it.

bubblewrapped · 07/02/2011 15:30

Not necessarily. This isnt in the UK.

Underachieving · 07/02/2011 15:34

"She's taken our wedding rings" I got that far before deciding that you are definately not being unreasonable!

The penalties for stealing are the same ones she presumably knew about before she started stealing. If she's a Costa Rican herself she has absolutly no excuse not to realise what she was risking in taking those things and she took them anyhow. If she's only just arrived in the country then perhaps she didn't realise she could get 15 years, but she can not possibly have not realised there would be a risk of going to prison. It's her risk to take and not reporting her just means she's all the more likely to do it again, however much she protests it's not the case.

I understand the people above saying that the prisons are dire and that you shouldn't but I really think she will have understood that too and she actually hunted down your keys. There's no accident in this.

The one and only thing that would stop me reporting her now that we've established it was no accident is if I found out there was an actual life and death reason she had to have the money. If she has a sister in need of otherwise unobtainable medical treatment, if she desperately needed to get away from a violent lover, if she needs maternity care not provided on the state. Life and death circumstances have to be viewed with compassion. When it's do or die no psychologically healthy person picks die and in those circumstances you'd have to be unhinged not to pick life above property.

For anything less than life or death though, she knew the risks. Even if she didn't know the specifics of the risk, she knew it was wrong.

wigglesrock · 07/02/2011 15:43

Do you know why she did it - greed, desperation, compulsion, did someone put her up to it, mental health problems? What was your relationship like before this happened, how long has she worked for you etc. Think you need to have a think about these before you report her.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 07/02/2011 15:47

I'd report her. If she'd made a one off desperate mistake, maybe I'd be more lenient. But she chose to rob you, of a lot of stuff, over a period of weeks. That doesn't sound desperate to me, it sounds contemptuous and greedy.

kissncuddle · 07/02/2011 15:47

The punishment should fit the crime. It does not sound like the punishment does, so I would not press charges.

If this has happened before, then I think you do need a safe for your valuables.

I'm sorry you got your stuff stolen.