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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to press charges against my thieving cleaner

54 replies

MummyAbroad · 07/02/2011 14:56

She's taken our wedding rings, pearl necklace, diamond earrings, 2 ipods, camera, £50 worth of cash, possibly more. She just confessed to (most of it) handed back my engagement ring and given recipts for some other items that are currently in the porn shop. Looks like she has been taking bits slowly over the last few weeks, I am pretty sure most of it (including wedding rings) we wont get back.

I live in Costa Rica by the way. DH doesnt want to press charges because she "might get 15 years"

whilst I dont want to live with sending someone to prison on my conscience, I feel so angry and dont want to let her off scott free, especially as this is not the first time a cleaner has robbed me. (last time I did nothing) Grrrrrr, give me back my stuff!!!

OP posts:

taintedpaint · 07/02/2011 15:51

YANBU at all, not one little bit. She has brought whatever punishment she receives on herself.

Not that it really matters, but did she say why she did it?

Emmanana · 07/02/2011 15:54

It's a shame we don't have such severe punishments in the UK.
Report her, she has to face the consquences. Just because has more material wealth than you, it does not give you the right to steal.
Majority of people in London probably have more money than me, but it dosen't mean I should take from them.
She knows the punishment for the crime - she should face up to it, especially as it seems she was systematically conniving.

MissJanuary · 07/02/2011 15:58

agree with the other poster - report her now and the police will recover yor items for you from the pawn shop (oh porn shop was too funny though!).

Thieving scumbag.

Original poster

MummyAbroad · 07/02/2011 16:00

She has only been with a for 3 weeks, the pawn recipets have different dates, the earliest was the second day of working with us, so she robbed us on the first day! I am very angry as we pay above averages wages/holiday sick pay etc and have obviously been seen as a soft touch to be exploited.

She said she needed the money for her daughter who is living in another country and she wanted to bring her here. I am feeling too cyncial to believe this though. DH has just driven round (with her) some pawn shops and we have some stuff back (which we had to pay for) he then went with her to her house - which is apparently really nice but the ipods which she gave to her brother have been "lent to someone"

Anyway, DH has let her go without verifying her name and passport details with the police, so if she lied to me about her details (bets anyone?) then I wont be able to press charges. Not sure if I would have done, but I would have liked to have had the option so with DH now.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 07/02/2011 16:02

I'd make sure I got my stuff back.

But other than that, I'd just sack her.

In the UK I'd press charges, but not in Latin America.

Original poster

MummyAbroad · 07/02/2011 16:02

I will definitely get a safe - has anyone ever tried to lock away everything you have of value though? Its really hard work. There is always a moment when you take off your rings to wash your hands and leave them lying around for a few hours, or put your ipod on to charge.. shouldnt I be able to leave stuff where I want in my own home?

OP posts:

Thingumy · 07/02/2011 16:04

I doubt this is the first time she's thieved and it probably won't be the last time either

for you

Pancakeflipper · 07/02/2011 16:05

You should be able to leave stuff in your home. If you do not press charges she will have a new victim next week.

I know it's not nice but she is not some daft naive idiot.

expatinscotland · 07/02/2011 16:07

You have to be a lot more careful when you're in Latin America with a lot of things.

No, not everyone's a thief, naturally, but there's a very great division of wealth and truly appalling poverty that makes some people very, very desperate.

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts · 07/02/2011 16:09

Oh mummy so for you. Definitely press charges if you can. She shouldn't get away with doing this. The bloody nerve of some people.

Make a written inventory of everything you have had stolen and a note of whether you have it back and where from and whether you had to pay to reclaim it. Then hop to the local station with the details you have. I bet she has done this before. Perhaps you can do an E-fit? Not sure how things like this work especially being over in CR.

Anything belonging to your DS been taken?

Thinking of you. xx

Thingumy · 07/02/2011 16:10

Where do you draw the line though expat?

BlameItOnTheBogey · 07/02/2011 16:10

I live overseas where a similar punishment would apply and I wouldn't report her. The loss of her job (for an expat family with presumably decent wage and working conditions) will be a huge blow in itself. I'd be livid and I think I'd wonder if there was a way to ask her to repay a token amount instead of going to police.

expatinscotland · 07/02/2011 16:12

You just learn to, Thing, over the course of time.

My family lived in Latin America a total of 9 years.

We had cleaners who stole. Sacked 'em and moved on.

Unless it was something pretty bad, my mother couldn't live with having sent someone to a Latin American prison.

shewasashowgirl · 07/02/2011 16:13

I would report her but mainly because I don't think she would actually get 15 years. I worked in Costa Rica in San Jose albeit a long time ago but I don't think the jail terms are that long for theft.

shewasashowgirl · 07/02/2011 16:15

Having said that I was robbed by the police in Central America when they stopped my car for 'checks'. Only after getting back in and driving away did I realise my wallet had been cleaned out from inside my bag!!!!

ilovesprouts · 07/02/2011 16:16

id report her ,shes done the crime ,she can do the time

kittya · 07/02/2011 16:23

I think that sacking her is enough. She was pretty bold though, nicking on her first day!

kepler10b · 07/02/2011 16:25

this is one reason i wouldn't have a cleaner. did you get references for her and properly check them?

since someone tried to break in in the early hours (scared off by us waking up) we have taken extra security precautions.

we have a safe at home and i always put my valuable jewellery as well as passport / birth certificates / cheque book / laptop in it before leaving the house.

we also have a burglar alarm that you can programme with different pin codes for different people so if we did want someone else to have access to our house when we were away we could always see the times and who accessed the house.

i don't take my wedding ring off.

Original poster

MummyAbroad · 07/02/2011 16:52

shewasashowgirl might have a point, everybody here complains that the justice system is rubbish/corrupt and thieves get let off all the time, however if it DID end in a prison term, I am sure it would be horrible and out of proportion to the crime.

kepler yes, she was recommended by someone who has worked for us before that we trust(ed) After the last experience I dont accept offers of work from strangers. Looks like a recommendation is not enough though.

hi coconuts DS's clothes always go missing, I have kind of got used to that, havent had a good check through his toys though. What is an E-fit?

Thanks for all your reponses, its been a good way to let off steam. As it stands now I have back my engagement ring, pearl necklace, and the camera, we have pawn shop reciepts for both our wedding rings. We have not been able to get the ipods back and a bit of cash and a few small electronic things are still missing. The ipod has been promised tomorrow - but I think we simply wont see it or her ever again. If she DOES produce them, I think I may let it go. Sacking is punishment. I wouldnt want her to "work off" the money because I wouldnt be able to trust her in the house!

OP posts:

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts · 07/02/2011 17:17

An E-fit is one of those drawings the police draw and issue out so people know who they are looking for. Although they aren't the most accurate Glad you have some bits and pieces back but you won't be able to trust another cleaner again. Shall I come do it?!

HecateQueenOfWitches · 07/02/2011 17:19

I would press charges.

When someone steals from me, then they don't get sympathy from me as to what might happen to them.

LittleMissHissyFit · 07/02/2011 17:20

In Egypt if you leave anything out, you run the risk of losing it. Even to relatives. Some thinking there seems to be that if you are dumb enough to leave it lying about, then you are asking for it.

'H' sold his car the other week, to a fellow Egyptian, I wasn't sure if he'd come into the house, so hid my DS money jar, just in case.

Hideous way to live, but sadly with some cultures it's absolutely necessary to expect worse than the worst.

When on holiday in Egypt our helper robbed us twice while we were travelling. Years after came to our house and stole a watch and a kitchen knife. 'H' told literally everyone about his thefts from us, and he had to return the watch and apologise, as even his own mother wouldn't have him in her house.

When I lived in Brazil, my friend was robbed. They stole a few very expensive watches from her and her H. When the police caught the thieves, they returned the cheaper ones, but said that they'd return the Patek Phillipes for a large sum of additional money....

As it was then, we suspected it was the Police that were holding the watches to ransom...

Collie2 · 07/02/2011 17:24

mummya if she came recommeded does she work for an agency? How does it work? Can you not report her to the people she works for? Or if you know other people she cleans for i'd tell them directly.

While i'd like to see her reported to the police, if 15 years is anything like what she'd get, i wouldn't want to inflict that on her. That said, i don't think your sacking her is enough for her to learn from her mistake. If shes only worked for you for 3 weeks then its not a long standing income shes relied on. But if she lost other income, that might be a bit more of a shock for her and she might realise she can't behave like that.

Very for you indeed.

LemonDifficult · 07/02/2011 17:25

Don't press charges. Tell her to get the other things back or you will.

But don't press charges. Not worth it.

I'd press charges in the UK but not in developing country where I wasn't sure of the justice system. Not worth it, I'm afraid.

LunaticFringe · 07/02/2011 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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