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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in refusing to pay for blown down fencing?

74 replies

RalphGnu · 07/02/2011 12:50

Need your advice on this one.
We moved into our house about 18 months ago and had a hedge between our house and the neighbours. The neighbours told us they were sick of having to cut it all the time and wanted to put up a fence instead, which we really didn't want them to do as it was lovely and had birds nesting in it and shaded the garden perfectly. According to our deeds it was their property so we couldn't stop them. We offered to cut their side of the hedge for them but no, they had the hedge dug up and the fence fitted, which is quite nice really.
Since we've had some high winds recently, three of the fence panels have blown out. They want US to pay for the new ones because they can't afford it themselves. The thing that makes it worse is that our neighbours are my DP's best friends, otherwise we would've told them where to stick their suggestion. We know they're short of money at the moment, but so are we and the fence panels cost £80 each. As they're our friends DP offered (very generously IMO) to go halves but they refused! Our lawn is now covered in dog crap where their dog goes every night for his evening poo and when I complained I got the response 'Well if you paid for the new panels it wouldn't happen'. I know we're in the right but I don't want DP and his best friend to fall out- they've been friends since primary school. My DP is almost at the point of backing down. What's more important, the friendship or the principle? Really don't know what to do.

OP posts:
loonyrationalist · 07/02/2011 12:51

Plant a hedge on your side of the fence?

IDontThinkSoDoYOU · 07/02/2011 12:52

You sound like really nice people and I don't know why you're friends with people who don't think twice about asking unreasonable things of you.

GypsyMoth · 07/02/2011 12:53

Put up chicken wire ? Cheap and keeps the dog out....... Bet they find the money then!

squashedfrogs · 07/02/2011 12:55

I'd put a post and wire fence up on your side as a means of securing the boundary and plant a hedge on your side then let them repair the fence they put up when they can afford it.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 07/02/2011 12:55

Cheeky bastards. If it's their fence then they need to pay for it. They should have thought about possible repair costs when they ripped out the hedge.

Fling the dog shit back over to their garden and put up some chicken wire..

GRR

BuzzLightBeer · 07/02/2011 12:55

tell them to fuck off, the chancers. And plant a new hedge.

theyoungvisiter · 07/02/2011 12:57

Why can't the old panels go back up? Are they damaged beyond repair?

And why do they cost £80 per panel? You can get perfectly good ones for £15 from your local DIY store. Point this out to them and then plant a hedge!

oopslateagain · 07/02/2011 12:57

Put up a cheapo fence. Collect the dog poo and place it neatly on their side of the fence. Tell them you will go halves on the new panels and if they aren't happy with that then you will plant your own hedge.

Tell DP that his friends are taking the piss.

teenyanne · 07/02/2011 12:57

It should tell you in the deeds which who's responsible for the fence. In ours, we are responsible for the fence to the left as we look at from our window, and if it was blown down, we would be responsible for replacing it. I know they're your friends, but if it's their responsibility, they certainly shouldn't expect you to pay half. We helped my neighbours put up their fence which was between our garden and theirs, when it blew down in the wind, but they never once asked us to pay, and told us that it was their responsibility, because they had checked their house deeds.

So, YADNBU.

Blackduck · 07/02/2011 12:58

Hold your ground and say if the dog comes in again you'll call the dog warden. Their fence, their property, their problem. Which reminds me, need to sort one panel out in our garden

VivaLeBeaver · 07/02/2011 12:59

Why would you want to be friends with people like this. Get some push in electric fence poles, a roll of chicken wire and some twist ties. You can secure the boundary in 5 minutes, cheaply to keep their dog off. Are they really so thick that they didn't think about this when t hey cut the hedge down?

fluffygal · 07/02/2011 12:59

Agreed with Loony. Put a hedge in. Its not up to you to repair it, its their side! Plus they're the ones that wanted it in the first place. If you can't afford a hedge do put chicken wire up for now, or I'd be asking them to come clear their shit from your garden.

They don't sound like the nicest of people, if it was me I would feel embarrassed about the dog and try to block it off as best as I could.

theyoungvisiter · 07/02/2011 13:00

give them £22 which is half of a cheapo fence panel. Why do they need £80 ones?!

Having said that, we've just moved into a new house and the garden fences are all falling down but there is a v elderly retired couple at the bottom (their fence) and a BTL landlord to the right (their fence) and I know full well if we want new fences, we'll end up paying for them ourselves.

We're just going to accept that, get their permission to do the work, with the advantage that we can get the work done the way we want it rather than cheap and nasty.

ccpccp · 07/02/2011 13:07

Their fence, their costs.

They dont sound like friends to me. More like bullies who make the rules up as they go along and you can be friends as long as you dont kick up.

If they'd had the fence put up by a professional in the first place, then the panels wouldnt have come down so soon.

MorticiaAddams · 07/02/2011 13:09

They haven't compromised for the sake of friendship so why should you? You didn't want the fence, they did, it was their boundary and they put it up.

The chicken wire sounds good. I know it looks awful but is cheap or we got some on freecycle. Perhaps it would spur them into action.

nufsed · 07/02/2011 13:12

Refer them back to whoever erected the fence. Even with fairly high winds I would expect a heavy duty fence (it must be heavy duty due to cost of replacement panels) to remain standing for longer than 18 months.

It is certainly not up to you to pay anything towards a fence which is your neighbour's responsibility and you didn't want in the first place.

Eglu · 07/02/2011 13:12

Agree with everyone else, it is not your problem. If they wouldn't accept half for something that is totally theirs then they are stupid. Withdraw the offer of half and sort something cheap for now on your side.

controlpantsandgladrags · 07/02/2011 13:15

I recently bought some fence panels for £16 each......why on earth do they need £80 ones?

I would say that you will contribute half, but not for £80 panels!

mummc2 · 07/02/2011 13:18

when we first moved into our house we wanted a new fence as old one kept blowing down. technically its our responsibility as normally as you look at your house the fence on the left is yours, however as this is the only real fence we both have (garage on other sides) they offered to go halvesas they would be benefiting too. We had all our back relandscaped and so had it done at the same time but our neighbours never gave us their half of the money!!!!!! £150. As by law its ours we cant legally ask for the money.

I would find out first who is legally responsible for the fence. If its them then i would do like others suggest put up a cheap wire fence to keep the dog from pooing on your land until they can afford to repair it. If its your responsibility you have the choice to grow a bush back seen as you preferred it!!! if they dont like it then they can put the fence back up on their side!!!!

I know you might be friends but they shouldnt be abusing this fact if they are true friends.

kittybuttoon · 07/02/2011 13:25

Do a temporary repair with chicken wire, and ask them for half the cost of it. (Even if you got it on Freecycle!)

I bet they don't cough up. If so, withdraw your offer of half the cost of new panels and never make a similar one again.

QuintessentialShadows · 07/02/2011 13:29

They are not friends. They are nasty.

They know you liked the hedge, but ripped it up anyway. They installed a fence, which you did not want. Now they expect you to pay to repair it?

These people are NOT friends, and I would not do anything to keep this "friendship".

I agree with finding out from the deeds whose responsibility the boundary is. But for now put up chicken wire fence, and plant a nice new hedge on your side. May I suggest a pretty hawthorn hedge?

Original poster
RalphGnu · 07/02/2011 13:30

Thank you for your advice, I can't wait to show this to DP. They are definitely responsible for the fence, I've checked. We've helped them out so much recently as they're having huge financial difficulties so maybe they think we sneeze £10 notes? But then again they're stupid enough to pay £80 a pop for fancy fence panels.

So upset by their attitude, I've never really taken to them but didn't think they were this bad. Going to insist that DP has a proper talk with them before things get out of hand. We're not going to pay and that's bloody that! And in the morning they are going to find a bag full of dog poo on their doorstep.

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 07/02/2011 13:35

no, I would not put the dogpoo on their doorstep.

they can get an asbo on you for that. (I have had ongoing issues with my former neighbour regards to dogpoo, and spoken to the police and the council on several occasions).

Basically, it is your responsibility to keep your property clean. This means you clean it up. If you are caught putting dogpoo on neighbours property (even if it is from their dog), this is a BAD thing. For all you know, they might be ready with a camera, or film you, next time you do it.

FabbyChic · 07/02/2011 13:37

Its their fence so their responsibility.

They should be able to claim from their house insurance? No?

ThePerfectFather · 07/02/2011 13:37

Given what you've said, I'd be surprised if your husband's friend was the problem. Sounds like he's married a real cow to me. I know plenty of couples where one half is a difficult sod and the other is just cowed into submission.

No matter how close your husband and his friend are, his friend is always going to side with his partner. That's just the way it is. Get your husband to talk to his friend seperately, sounds like a couples vs couples confrontation is ending in a typical stalemate.