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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in refusing to pay for blown down fencing?

74 replies

RalphGnu · 07/02/2011 12:50

Need your advice on this one.
We moved into our house about 18 months ago and had a hedge between our house and the neighbours. The neighbours told us they were sick of having to cut it all the time and wanted to put up a fence instead, which we really didn't want them to do as it was lovely and had birds nesting in it and shaded the garden perfectly. According to our deeds it was their property so we couldn't stop them. We offered to cut their side of the hedge for them but no, they had the hedge dug up and the fence fitted, which is quite nice really.
Since we've had some high winds recently, three of the fence panels have blown out. They want US to pay for the new ones because they can't afford it themselves. The thing that makes it worse is that our neighbours are my DP's best friends, otherwise we would've told them where to stick their suggestion. We know they're short of money at the moment, but so are we and the fence panels cost £80 each. As they're our friends DP offered (very generously IMO) to go halves but they refused! Our lawn is now covered in dog crap where their dog goes every night for his evening poo and when I complained I got the response 'Well if you paid for the new panels it wouldn't happen'. I know we're in the right but I don't want DP and his best friend to fall out- they've been friends since primary school. My DP is almost at the point of backing down. What's more important, the friendship or the principle? Really don't know what to do.

OP posts:

VeggieReggie · 08/02/2011 11:09

Just calmly explain that as it is the fence / boundary that they have responsibility for, that enabled them to have the right to take the hedge down. And that they now have the esponsibility for the fence that they chose instead.

Just double check: you say the hedge was on their land, fair enough - but are they also responsible for maintaining the fencing between you and them? Because it would be possible that it is 'your' side, but they had a hedge on their land, on their side of the boundary, anyway? Usually you have responsibility for the fence on the L as you look to the garden from the back of the house.

I would put this in writing, a polite note saying that you understand that the fence is thier responsibility and so you won't be contributing.If you PAY for it, you may end up adopting some sort of common law responsibility.

QuestionNumber · 08/02/2011 11:33

Put up the cheapest possible fence and plant a new hedge on your side.

Original poster

RalphGnu · 08/02/2011 14:07

She came round earlier on today bearing painkillers as she'd read on fb that I had a dental abscess, offering to look after ds so I could try and get a couple of hours sleep so I took the opportunity to broach the subject with her. She said she didn't know her husband had been so rude about it and to ignore him, he's just worried about money and what he meant was could we afford to pay for the panels until they could pay us back for them. I explained we really couldn't at the price he'd told us they were and that I'd looked online and they cost nowhere near £80 per panel. (£62.49 actually which is still ridiculous)
I could see she was starting to get annoyed because the conversation wasn't going the way she thought it would and because I'm in it pure agony with my tooth and a lot grumpier than normal I told her that we knew the fence was their responsibility and I was upset that they'd put so much pressure on my DP. I repeated the offer to go halves, but this time on the understanding that they would pay us back at the end of the month, and that if they couldn't afford to do that either to buy some chicken wire to keep the dog out. I gave her a couple of nappy bags too to clean up the mess that was already on the lawn.

She wasn't happy but it felt GREAT to stand up to her. Fully expecting a visit from the husband when he gets home from work, but the way I'm feeling I kind of hope he does come round, knowing that we're in the right.

OP posts:

clam · 08/02/2011 14:56

Wow, Ralph! You're impressive.

QuestionNumber · 08/02/2011 15:07

I'd be wary of lending them money TBH. Are you sure that if you say they can pay you back at the end of the month, they will actually do so?

olderandwider · 08/02/2011 15:14

I think you have found your Inner Grump. Well done!

deepheat · 08/02/2011 15:19

If its their boundary, they pay. They really should be able to get it on their home insurance (though they might find that the cost of a few panels is less than the excess).

When you write it down in black and white it looks very simple doesn't it? Thing is, it never is with neighbours. Esp. if they're v good friends of your DH.

Explain to them that you're sorry you can't loan them the money at the moment but that you're watching the pennies yourselves. Explain that the dog mess is completely unacceptable. Ask them to keep Fido on a lead in their garden until he's done his business. Or they could even take him for a walk!

As much as I'd be tempted to get quite arsey with them, I'd imagine that seeing them every day could become awkward. Neighbour disputes are horrible because they affect you at home, where you shouldn't have to worry about crap like that.

Good luck.

LIZS · 08/02/2011 15:21

I liek your style . If they get arsy over your attitude put it down to the tooth!

Boozilla · 08/02/2011 15:23

Wow, impressive Ralph! Very well handled!

Now just have a frying pan ready and hide behind the door when the husband shows up!

MorticiaAddams · 08/02/2011 15:29

Well done Ralph.

If you do go ahead with lending them half it might be wise to assume you won't get it back.

ivykaty44 · 08/02/2011 15:36

I like firm assertive nature- good for you don't back down now

clam · 08/02/2011 15:48

Do NOT lend them money. Under any circumstances.
What happens when if they don't pay it back? You'll have ended up paying for the blasted fence by stealth.

Newgolddream · 08/02/2011 15:56

Why do they think you should pay - what is their reasoning behind it?

needsatrim · 08/02/2011 16:07

Ohhh. Issues with neighbours over boundaries. So often ends in tears I'm afraid. I am in favour of the chicken wire and plant some quick growing greenery on your side and the less said the better. I admire your guts standing your ground but they would have blown it in my opinion.
Good luck

ssd · 08/02/2011 16:14

can I ask where does it say in the title deeds who is responsible for a fence? we have one on either side of the garden and one side has blown down, but no one wants to take responsibility for it, I have my title deeds but they are gobelty gook to me!

what wording should I be looking for?

Housemum · 08/02/2011 16:28

ssd There should be a diagram/plan of the land with some letter T shapes on it. And it should say on the key which way the T marks go - basically one way is yours and one way is the other persons (not worked in land charges for 8 years so can't remember which is which!)

MrsGrahamBellForTheSkiSeason · 08/02/2011 16:41

Similar situation, except most definitely not friends! And their blardy cat were invading. have put up chicken wire, and growin fast growing vines on it so will soon be covered. And pay the kids to chase the cats out till then. I don't want a panelled fence - hate 'em. If they want no pay for one of their side of my lovely chicken wire, up to them .

ssd · 08/02/2011 17:28

I'll look out for the t;s, thanks!

clam · 08/02/2011 20:05

We looked into this a couple of years back as we wanted new fencing and there are about 5 different properties adjoining ours. It's a commonly-held misconception, according to our local council lady, that it is the left-hand boundary that's "yours." And even the Ts on the plans are only a guide. She actually said to me that ultimately it is up to the householders to sort things out amicably!! This last bit was so to me, that I'm still wondering if she was just plain wrong.

arcticwind · 08/02/2011 20:41

The 'Ts' work fine on new housing estates - gets much more complicated with older properties where boundaries have been put up by different people at different times. The basic premise is, as others have said, that if they put it up, on their side, they should maintain it.

There is absolutely no requirment by the way for there to be any sort of boundary fence, hedge or barrier of any sort - a line of stones will suffice to mark the ownership boundaries and for the rest there is nothing to force them to mend it if they do not.

Unfortunately too the dog fouling laws only seem to apply to public places, so the chicken wire seems to be the best bet initially - I agree with others who say do NOT lend them the money unless you are happy for it to be a gift!

NellieForbush · 08/02/2011 20:53

Good for you for standing up to her. Don't let them get away with it or they'll be back at your door asking for money every time something breaks.

Original poster

RalphGnu · 11/02/2011 09:41

Quick update: The husband DID come round, but with a kiss and a bottle of wine and a "sorry, mate." His brother has lent him the money for the fence panels and they're up now. I don't think if they get blown down again we'll have the same problem again. So all's well that ends well I guess. Thanks for all your helpful comments.

OP posts:

TheButterflyCollector · 11/02/2011 09:51

Nice to read they apologised. I should bloody well think so too! I hope they remain polite and considerate.

Needanewname · 13/02/2011 20:25

Glad its all sorted out, they've apologised so you should all be able to move on now

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