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AIBU?

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Original poster

in refusing to pay for blown down fencing?

74 replies

RalphGnu · 07/02/2011 12:50

Need your advice on this one.
We moved into our house about 18 months ago and had a hedge between our house and the neighbours. The neighbours told us they were sick of having to cut it all the time and wanted to put up a fence instead, which we really didn't want them to do as it was lovely and had birds nesting in it and shaded the garden perfectly. According to our deeds it was their property so we couldn't stop them. We offered to cut their side of the hedge for them but no, they had the hedge dug up and the fence fitted, which is quite nice really.
Since we've had some high winds recently, three of the fence panels have blown out. They want US to pay for the new ones because they can't afford it themselves. The thing that makes it worse is that our neighbours are my DP's best friends, otherwise we would've told them where to stick their suggestion. We know they're short of money at the moment, but so are we and the fence panels cost £80 each. As they're our friends DP offered (very generously IMO) to go halves but they refused! Our lawn is now covered in dog crap where their dog goes every night for his evening poo and when I complained I got the response 'Well if you paid for the new panels it wouldn't happen'. I know we're in the right but I don't want DP and his best friend to fall out- they've been friends since primary school. My DP is almost at the point of backing down. What's more important, the friendship or the principle? Really don't know what to do.

OP posts:
DitaVonCheese · 07/02/2011 13:39

I agree with chicken wire + hedge on your side and don't give them any damn money!

giantpurplepeopleeater · 07/02/2011 13:48

They don't sound like very good friends - especially with their response to you raising the dog poo issue. In fact they sound quite selfish and money grabbing.

Have you explained that you can not afford it either?

Did you tell them at the time that you would have preffered the hedge to stay?

I agree with ILoveTiffany - go and buy some cheap chicken wire to fill up the gaps in the fencing so as to keep their dog out. It's a fence of sorts and what you are able/ willing to pay for.

Do not back down. I am a great believer that you only get treated the way you let yoursel fget treated. If you allow them to walk all over you like this then they will only do it more.

cumfy · 07/02/2011 13:54

You hardly need enemies with "friends" like this.

charlearose · 07/02/2011 13:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

orangepoo · 07/02/2011 14:02

I would pay for the new fence panels and get the fence back up properly as soon as possible. Even if they are £80.

I would then terminate the "friendship" permanently. I am not sure why you or your DP is concerned about preserving a friendship where the "friends" just come and demand your money.

By the way, I would certainly not return the dog poo. I would be furious if it was my garden, but behaving in a juvenile way yourself will not achieve anything.

curlymama · 07/02/2011 14:09

Another one who agrees with chicken wire and planting your own hedge.

Personally, I'd clear up the dog poo and put it back on their side of the garden, but if you do that they are likely to be pissed off and it could make the friendship irreparable.

If they question you about not putting up fence panels, you can just play dumb and say that they wanted you to sort it, so you did. what's the problem?

ThePerfectFather · 07/02/2011 14:17

I think it would be great if you planted a hedge and when they asked how much it cost, ensure that you tell them it cost however much they want you to spend on their bloody fence.

throckenholt · 07/02/2011 14:19

If they can't stop the dog coming into your garden to poo then they are just being lazy - they could take it out on a lead, or just go out with it and call it back if it ventured through the whole where the fence is.

I would just say to them you can't afford to replace their fence - ask if they are insured maybe.

OmniaParatus · 07/02/2011 14:26

Don't pay for identical new fence panels. If they blew down, they mustn't have enough space in between the slats to allow the wind to pass through, so it will just happen again (believe me, my fence is currently lying on the ground because of this!)

If you pay to replace them you may be taking responsibility as well- this is what happened to us as when next door was renovated, the previous owners had put the fence actually on our property(before we moved in). Shyster landlords next door graciously told DH he could replace it in the correct place, he trustingly did so, and now it has blown down we are responsible for replacing it, even though it is their boundary.
Replace it with cheap panels, plant a hedge on your side, and if it blows down again the hedge will keep the dog out, and if they have a fence they don't have to both about pruning the hedge.

And try not to speak to them again, it sounds like an expensive and crap friendship for your DH!

cumfy · 07/02/2011 17:02

What will you do if they now accept your "offer" to pay £120 toward fence repair ?

They could end up using £50, and keeping £70 as labour.

Don't let them retrospectively accept your far too kind offer ..... "you've reconsidered".

Tortington · 07/02/2011 17:06

i'd be up to B&Q get some cucken wire and some 'u' shaped nails ( don't know technical term) and a hammer and have had a temporary and unsightly measure for keeping the dog out - in place. With a "that';ll do til you get some money" smile and wave and shut the door - you could have it done in half hour

Tortington · 07/02/2011 17:07

chicken*

LIZS · 07/02/2011 17:14

You're not obliged to maintain their boundary so your offer is already generous. tbh I'm surprised the panels ahev coem out and can't be reused after less than 18 months anyway. They should also restrict their dog, he isn't a wild animal Hmm. Chicken wire would be a pro tme solution until they can afford to do it properly. You codul offer ot do this but not contribute to a repair of the fence, planting a hedge again on yoru side in the meantime.

ghosteditor · 07/02/2011 17:16

You need to be careful with this! I have a similar (but long) story which resulted in DH and me paying for and fitting a new fence, only to find out that it belonged to our elderly neighbour after all and her bitch daughter had basically bullied us into it (it is unclear on the deeds). However, the situation had its merits, as the new fence went down well when we were new in the neighbourhood and our neighbour thinks we're very sweet.

I have since been advised that as we put the new fence up on a shared boundary we are now responsible for its upkeep, and should it happen again (it won't - DH builds things to last eons), we will always be responsible.

My vote is to go for some ugly chicken wire over the gaps and a new hedge on your side!

zikes · 07/02/2011 17:36

I'd want to keep it friendly, as having nasty neighbours can be hell.

I'd just tell them you can't afford to replace the fence. I might compromise by patching the hole with chicken wire until they can afford to fix it themselves, if they're that skint - just for a quiet life, like.

I'm surprised the fence panels that have fallen aren't salvageable at all, tho? Is there no way you could nail them back up enough to stop the dog?

May not look the greatest, but no point going to war over it.

kitcat83 · 07/02/2011 17:41

£80 for a fence panel what are they made of gold?!!

My husband and I run a gardening company and have never come across these expensive panels. Tell your neighbours to use a different supplier and they may be able to afford to fix THEIR boundary.

Best of luck Smile

Needanewname · 07/02/2011 17:49

And they're friends why??????

There was a perfectly good hedge that they insisted was replaced with a fence, now that the fence has blown down, they want you to pay for it - two words FUCK and OFF

Are they having a laugh?

Re the dog shit, pick it up on a spade and put it in their garden in a nice neat pile by their back door, they'll soon get the picture.

Some friends!

olderandwider · 07/02/2011 17:53

Another vote here for chicken wire and a hedge/trellis on your own side. Not Leylandii! Some evergreen climbers eg Clematis armandii grow fast and look lush and flower well in just a few years.

LunaticFringe · 07/02/2011 18:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

prettyfly1 · 07/02/2011 18:17

Tell them to fuck off then call environmental health about their dog fouling on land that isnt theirs. There are fines for that sort of thing. Smile.

Oh and plant hedge.

complexnumber · 07/02/2011 18:26

Tell them that you will HUFF and you will PUFF and you wil blow the whole fence down.

DitaVonCheese · 07/02/2011 20:25

Have you actually seen where they are getting their swanky panels from or have they just told you that they'll be £80 each?

gapbear · 07/02/2011 21:18

Blimey, just Googled fence panels (we rent, so have no idea about the cost of things like that). Seriously - don't give them any cash, they're taking you for a ride. Insanity.

clam · 08/02/2011 10:56

Does the system work both ways? So, if your hoover breaks for example, will they be perfectly happy to cough up for a replacement one. That is twice the price of the average machine?

Thought not.

And for the record, I don't see what the fact that your DH knew them ar primary school has to do with anything. I was in a class of 36 at primary school. Don't pay out for any of their fence panels. Sounds like some "friends" I wouldn't mind dropping off the Christmas card list.