to wish people would at least inform me if they lie to someone

[spongebobsquareknickers]

posted on my FB - finally sorted outfits for me (bf so needed an appropriate dress) and DS for FILs wedding
BILs ex has now posted on there "they told me no children??"

I do believe that BIL may have told her this, as far as I know its not true (there is a chance it is, now I think about it, no-one has specifically mentioned DS. I assumed he was invited, which may be completely my mistake!! I hope not, I've booked the train to the other end of the country and a hotel for two nights!!!) I dont know whether he wouldnt want to be solely responsible for his son when he could be getting pissed, or whether he doesnt want her there.

But they know she is my friend. If theyre going to lie to her, would it hurt to at least let me know and then I wouldnt have mentioned it at all!!

I told her that on second thought, no-one has mentioned DS. She now wants me to let her know.

I'm not going to lie to her.

How do you know they lied if you invited your child without asking?

If you are having a wedding you need to make it clear if children are invited or not.

Maybe sponegbob's DS is invited because she is BFing, but BIL's (possibly older and more independent and more costly to cater for) chldren are not.

Or maybe BIL's children would be invited as far as the actual hosts are concerned, but BIL has decided to tell his ex not to bring them.

Better get it checked out to spare blushes!

It sounds like you've mistakenly assumed that your child was invited to the wedding - perhaps give them a call to make sure?

I'd agree with HelenaRose. I would always assume that a wedding invite was specifically for the people named on the invite unless I was told otherwise. Best you check with the couple whether your son is invited before you say the wrong thing.

Gonna get my DH to call as soon as he wakes up, hes on nights so hes asleep at the mo.

It just honestly didnt occur to me that he might not be invited. I would have thought they'd make it clear to me if it was no kids, as they know hes BF and the wedding is at the other end of the country so we have to go for a few days. And they know we're going for a the whole weekend, as DH spoke to his dad about it a few days ago.

My friend is getting married soon, and didnt specify either way, so I checked. But her wedding is local, so would be possible if he couldnt go.

The only way I can think that they arent lying to her (assuming I havent invited DS all on my own!) is the age difference as suggested. DS is a baby, Dcousin is 18 months. Plus BIL lives with FIL so would have to come down here to get him. And I guess there might be a difference in that I am invited, BILXP is not.

On whether BIL has lied, its likely, he lies to her a lot. He will admit that, he thinks shes hard work and lying is easier.

I think you might've wrongly assumed as well tbh.

That said though, if they know you are still BF, they should've made you aware that they wanted a child-free wedding before letting you pay out for travel and hotel costs.

Check with the couple for your own sake, but stay out of the drama WRT anyone else.

But again, if Dcousin isnt invited for the reasons I thought of, could they not have told us! And her!

Maybe they don't 'really' want kids there but just didn't want to write it on the invites.

Perhaps as you say, your BIL wants to enjoy himself without having to be responsible for his 18 month old...so he made out there's no kids?

If it is a child free wedding, I know its mainly my fault for assuming, but I think I might cry.
I cant afford to waste the money and its already spent. No refunds so we could do it as cheap as possible as obv its a big expense at the mo

:(

Now you've explained it further:

I think that BIL has decided that he doesn't want to deal with his child alone, since his ex is not invited.

I think FIL probably doesn't care one way or another if any of these children go.

I think BIL's ex should keep out of it. There is a wedding that she is not invited to. Your children are both very young so it's not as if they can know that one cousin is going and the other isn't and feel left out.

Oh, and I think there's no need for anyone to have told you what other guests would or wouldn't be at the wedding.

Don't do the blue sad face you silly billy, you have a BF baby and haven't been told that he is not invited. If they didn't want him there they should have said so before you booked tickets. He won't take up a seat or need a meal, so he won't cost anything. Just remember that other people's tolerance for baby noises might be lower than yours and it will all be fine.

I don't think you're in the wrong to assume, but I'm not sure there's much you can do about it if it turns out that your LO isn't invited. The problem is that while they haven't specified no children, they haven't invited DS either. To some people, he wouldn't require an invite, others would think differently, and I don't think either view would be wrong.

Very difficult how to handle this though. Could you perhaps enjoy the weekend away anyway, if it turns out that DS is not welcome?

I agree with Trillian it could simply be something your BIL has made up so he doesn't have to take his child.

Why not phone your FIL now and simply say "I'm just double checking it's ok to bring the baby, as I never thought to ask. I just assumed you'd know I have to"?

That way you don't have to mention Facebook or your SIL or anything else.

tainted I guess I'll have to. DH has to go anyway as hes best man, so I guess if it came to it, me and DS would have to enjoy the sights of an industrial northern town

That would be easiest to explain to SIL at least! But I cant ignore her and shes asked me to check. Probably highly suspicious that BIL is lying to her, even if it is a case of babys only, no toddlers or older.

Knowing their previous history though, she wouldnt believe him/me even if that was the case.

Argh, I just dont know what to say to her! Why does she try to involve me in their domestic!!!

Tell her she should talk to BIL.

Nothing to do with you.

Your BF baby is staying with his mother, who is going to the wedding. You don't know the arrangements for her child.

Just ring your FIL and ask?

I don't think it has anything to do with the ex anyway.

No, absolutley don't ask if it's OK to bring your BF baby. Assume that it's OK cos you definitely have not been told otherwise.

Tell the ex to speak to BIL themselves.

Stay out of it.

DH is awake now, his dad actually called him this morning about BILXP!! She has been calling him and BIL complaining that there are no kids allowed but that they are making an exception for DS. Dont know what she hoped she would get out of me by asking if they had already explained.

Sly little so and so!

So, phew, DS IS invited. Crisis averted! And DH has just calmly explained to her post on FB that DS would starve if I left him.

:)

Glad someone told her and it's all worked out for you and your family :) To be honest she sounds a bit bratty to me, digging for a free weekend off...

Just to update, she has now commented "thats what pumps are for" and has defriended both me and DH on FB.

Well that makes my like much easier!
As you said missy , rather bratty!!

The phrase "oh dear, what a shame, never mind" popped into my head when you said she'd defriended you both. Dopey mare.

Have fun at the wedding!