to not want to get up at 5.15 am with my DH?

[MommyMayhem]

OK, so a bit of background...

My DH leaves the house at 6.15 am and does not return from work until 7.15 pm. His work is very stressful and he also has a 1.5 hour drive each way. Because of this, I do everything in the house and I am happy to do so. When he gets up in the morning, his work clothes are hanging up on a hanger on the front of the wardrobe and his lunch is on the bottom shelf of the fridge for him to just take out and put in his bag. He doesn't need me at all in the mornings.

I am a terrible sleeper and have suffered from insomnia all my life. I frequently wake up in the middle of the night and lay there awake for hours. For this reason, I would like to be able to wake up later in the mornings. We got to bed around 10 pm and ideally I would like at least 8 hours. As well as the house, shopping, etc. I also homeschool our 5 year old son (who incidentally doesn't wake up until about 8 am). Even though I love teaching him, it really takes it out of me. We are also about to start another round of IVF and this is also quite heavy going.

I am completely knackered. I just need some more sleep. DH very often just lays in bed after the alarm goes off and I have to keep nagging him to get up. I can't just try to get back to sleep myself. Also, I feel that I need to keep him company in the mornings, even though he doesn't really talk. He tells me I should go back to sleep after he's left, but I have tried this and I just can't. Once I'm awake, that's it, unfortunately.

At the moment, I feel like I could die of tiredness. I know that DH is also tired, but he has to go to work, there is nothing we can do about that. Also my insomnia means that I very often don't sleep in the night either. Right now, I feel like moving into DS's room so that I am not woken up in the mornings.

So my question is, AIBU not to want to get up with him in the mornings, and to expect him to get up when the alarm goes off and creep around so as not to wake me up?

I would really appreciate your thoughts. Thanks.

If you're keeping your son up for dinner at 8 and then his bedtime routine starts afterwards, it's not surprising he sleeps 'til 8 in the morning. I can see you want family time, so maybe that works best for you all.

I think you're not unreasonable to want your husband to get up when the alarm goes rather than endless snooze button sessions or expecting you to remind him. So I'd stop that, and I wouldn't get up to make him coffee either.

Surely there's some sort of coffee machine that works on a timer, if he doesn't fancy making his own?

If there's another bathroom, he could definitely shower in there instead of the en-suite, and I don't think that would be an unreasonable ask, either.

Can you nap in the afternoons at all?

At least 5ish a.m. in dubai is not cold and dark like in uk. Don't they have 'siesta time' in dubai like we do in Med? 7 hrs in the night plus 2-3 hrs siesta makes 9-10 hrs. Can you do that?

Tbh i'm against the spare room solution. We have never done it. I like sleeping together even if we are not going to have sex.

I don't understand why you're nagging him to get up. He's a grown-up, leave him to it. I also can't see why you feel the need to keep him company, "even though he doesn't really talk". Sounds like he's not a morning person - neither am I, and I have no interest in early morning conversations - if I were him (and I've been in this situation, getting up and going to work while everyone else was still in bed) I'd be happy to be alone in the mornings.

Just hide under the duvet and leave him to it. If he's late for work, he'll have to find a way to sort it.

Would earplugs help you at all? Not being funny, but someone on here said you're not his mother, and he should be more self reliant, and I think that's probably true. He should be getting himself up. If you're spending all that money on IVF, then putting you and your body under more strain by disturbing your sleep isn't really going to assist, and may well hinder.

His job sounds like a killer, tbh, for your relationships. I hope you manage to find a way for him to work from home more/move closer to work/find a different job, etc. Anymore responsibility for you all atm sounds like it might finish you off!

You're very good to him, you're doing more than enough. Why doesn't he get his own lunches ready the night before? I do most things here, but DH sorts his own packed lunch out. I'd feel too much like his mum otherwise. Still, whatever works for you..

Update:

We went to bed at a reasonable hour (10 to 10), the alarm went off at 6 am, DH got up, got himself dressed, made a coffee for the road and sneaked off at 6.30 am. He even managed to polish his shoes in that 15 mins! All the while, I was lying in bed with my eyes firmly shut. He had showered the night before - in spite of living in the desert, our apartment is very cold due to the air con, so if you get into a clean bed after showering, you don't feel particularly manky in the morning. A quick freshen up is all you need, really. And that was it! Off he went!

I feel so much better for that extra 45 mins sleep. I had a pretty rough night and probably woke up around 10-15 times, but not having to get up at 5.15 am has made all the difference. I am also going to buy a sunrise clock as we have this annoying plastic churping bird of an alarm clock at the moment which I'll be glad to see the back of.

Thanks so much for all your help !

Hurrah, glad that your DH has seen sense and that you got more sleep.

That sounds like an excellent result. Does he feel better for it too?

yanbu. I have the same problem at home he gets up at 6 am, but i dont need to leave the house until half 8. drives mem mad

You don't need clean sheets every day (unless your DH is very sweaty!)

Yes, shower the night before.

Do you havve an iphone? There is an app called Sleep Cycle. I use it every day. You set a 30 minute time frame that you can be woken up in - say 6:00 - 6:30 and put the phone under your pillow. It monitors your sleep cycle by measuring your movements and wakes you up (within the half hour frame) when you are in lightest sleep. You tend to sleep in 20 minute cycles so it can make a huge difference to how you feel if you are woken during a light peak rather than a deep peak.

It's probably a bit flawed but it definitely works for me.

And you don't need to get up in the morning with him. It's completely pointless.

OOops no - not under your pillow. On the mattress near your pillow. Under pillow makes the phone too hot

I get up at 5.15 for work. I turn the alarm off as soon as it goes off, get up in the dark, get dressed in another room, have breakfast at work and a shower the night before. I creep out as quietly as I can. It is entirely possible to get up early without waking the whole house up.

I would hate it if i could not have a shower before going to work for 12 hours, especially if the other person was staying in bed till 8 and then at home the rest of the day.