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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think dieting in your late 60's is pretty futile?

96 replies

Udderly · 06/02/2011 00:59

MIL recently went on a diet as she felt she had put on weight. She's not a big lady by any means, I'd say a size 10, maybe 12.
She did it, lost her weight and obviously must have been happy with the outcome.
When DH told me, I was absolutely horrified at the prospect of someone at that stage of life feeling the need to diet. To put it in context, I love my food, only ever dieted once for my wedding and hated every minute of it.
AIBU to think this is strange behaviour? Concern about my figure certainly won't be up there on my list of priorities when I'm hitting 70.

OP posts:

FakePlasticTrees · 06/02/2011 08:52

It's a good thing she still cares about her appearance. It's when older people who have always cared how they look stop bothering that you know you've got to keep a closer eye on them.

Just because she's got no choice to look like an 'old woman' doesn't mean she's happy to look like a 'fat old woman'.

pagwatch · 06/02/2011 08:52

Once a woman is in her sixties she should just lie down and die because she is no longer capable of being attractive or sexual,healthy or energetic - so why bother.
Really?

My dad died when my mum was 74. Aged 78 she now has a 64 year old boyfriend and thoroughly enjoys clothes, make up and all that stuff.

Bonsoir · 06/02/2011 08:59

The OP is seriously ageist!

Maud2011 · 06/02/2011 09:06

"You sound like a silly child saying "ewww" at the thought of 50 year olds having sex."

Tattydevine beautifully put LOL

pink4ever · 06/02/2011 09:08

Dobt know why op is getting a flaming-I agree with her.My inlaws constantly go on diets and it does my head in(mil late 60's,fil mid 70's). In fil case it was health related(high blood pressure) but he basically starves himself for a few months and then puts it all back on again(so not healthy). Mil is very pear shaped and no amount of dieting in the world is going to get rid of her arse(harsh but true).
Not saying they shouldnt try and eat healthily/exercise blah,blah,blah but really think at that age you should not be dieting as is pointless.

TheProvincialLady · 06/02/2011 09:09

I think it is a bit sad that you think there is an age at which you are looking forward to letting go of yourself, not taking care of your health or appearance, not having any self respect.

pagwatch · 06/02/2011 09:12

Except pink4ever you are talking about two people who are being daft rather than the notion of 'dieting' as eating well, cutting out crap and losing a few pounds.

The type of dieting behaviour you are describing is stupid at any age. No more stupid at 30 than at 60.

So you point is that fad dieting is stupid. Not that losing weight at 60 is a waste of time as you are nearly dead. Big difference.

Folicacid · 06/02/2011 09:14

I do think YABU, but it seems that that is probably because you say you have never dieted in your life apart form your wedding, so perhaps it is just so far from what you yourself could imagine ever doing now, let alone when older.

My PILS are diet and weight obsessed and in their 60s. Harking back to what they looked like in the actual 60s I think. As long as she is not sniffing and sniping you to diet or being snippy about weight then all power to her, I say.

Longtalljosie · 06/02/2011 09:21

As your joints get weaker, being lighter is a good idea. And staying fit is even more important. You'll cringe at your attitude when you're in your 60s yourself. YABU and childish.

Ephiny · 06/02/2011 09:27

It's a good idea to watch your weight for health reasons at that age, not just because of risk of heart disease and cancers, but also with a view to staying mobile as long as possible, not putting unnecessary strain on your joints etc. Excess fat is also correlated with developing dementia which lots of people are concerned about as they get older. Personally I care more, not less, about weight with age, and have an increasing awareness of the need to take care of myself to have a good quality of life for as long as possible.

Also there's no reason someone shouldn't care about their appearance, whatever age they are. Being in your 60s is hardly ancient these days anyway!

Bonsoir · 06/02/2011 09:30

I wish my MOL had had better eating habits and known how to take better care of herself - she is 73 and has cancer, and is terribly heavy and misshapen, which is a nightmare. Now that she is breathless from her cancer, she can barely move at all - four nurses/paramedics were needed to move her from her hospital bed onto the scanner yesterday because she is so heavy and immobile. POL is knackered from running around after her at home.

pigletmania · 06/02/2011 09:46

Just because she is of a certain age does not mean she is destined for the scrapheap and should not want to make an effort . Good on her that she wants to diet and make herself feel good. YABVVVVVU.

pigletmania · 06/02/2011 09:50

So when we are past 60, we shold get ourselves ready to die then . What do you think of all those glam older women; Twiggy, Joan Collins, Goldie Hawn, Fern Brittan, Zoe Wannamaker, the list goes on. You can be older and look good why not!!! You dont have to look like a sack of potatoes just because you are old.

Muser · 06/02/2011 09:52

How much weight do you have to put on before it is acceptable to try and lose it then? Is it not better to make small changes to lose a few pounds then wait until you're 3 stone heavier and then have a massive slog ahead?

Weight gain does tend to accumulate, as those who are on the overweight side tend to know. A pound here, a pound there. Suddenly you've gone from just right to properly obese.

Fad diets are always silly at any idea. But eating a bit more healthily is never a bad idea. Even a lot of people who are nominally at a healthy weight could do with eating better and moving more.

kazmus · 06/02/2011 09:54

do I sense a bit of jealousy that someone who is older has more will power than op? I am in my 50's and lost 3 stone because i was diagnosed with diabetes so purely medical reasons for dieting, but looking tons better and fitting into size 10 or 12 again is a real bonus.Wait till you're at our great age and see how you feel then...I can assure you, in your mind you won't feel much more different to how you did in your 30's...just a bit wiser!

Onetoomanycornettos · 06/02/2011 09:58

Of course, if she wants to diet and does lose weight and keep it off, all to the good. Perhaps the OP is just reflecting that the current dissatisfaction with bodies and the constant battle to be the 'correct' weight is clearly going to go on into older age. I don't see this as entirely positive, people do get bigger as they age and their metabolism slows down, and in the past, being a matronly figure when older was quite normal and women in their 60's and older didn't compare themselves to slim young things and feel like they 'ought' to do something about it.

My granny who is 87 was advised to lose a couple of pounds by her nurse during a routine check for BP. She's a trim size 12/14 and she's 87. I defy that nurse to show me good evidence that losing a couple of pounds when you are nearly ninety is going to help your health, and my granny got worried about having one biscuit a day with her morning coffee (because to lose weight when older, you really have to limit your food a lot). I found this very sad, if you can't enjoy a chocolate digestive then, when can you?

Despite DM headlines, it's not clear what effect being slightly overweight (as opposed to obese) is on health, some studies indicate being slightly overweight is better for breast cancer risk, so some recent headlines are less than accurate.

I do see why one would be depressed about being permanently dissatisfied with your body and there is a wider cultural issue than the 'right' of this particular lady to lose a few pounds (which of course she has).

TurkeyBurgerThing · 06/02/2011 10:10

Weight loss from dieting makes you feel great no matter what age you are! YABU

However if at the age she is she feels pressured by the media and everyone else to be a size 0 beach body babe then YANBU

JamieLeeCurtis · 06/02/2011 10:13

I would agree with your post Onetoomany, except that the word the OP used in her OP was "futile" - as in, what? pointless?, Impossible?

I have to say, there was implied ageism in there, the way I read it.

Surely anyone whose weight has crept up a little so that their jeans are no longer fitting will be motivated to lose that weight?

I agree with Muser's post

MoaningMedalllist · 06/02/2011 10:51

If it makes her happy let her get on,

GwendolineMaryLacey · 06/02/2011 10:52

I'll pass this on to my mum then. She's going on a cruise later this month and has been trying to lose a few pounds so she doesn't have to suck her tummy in in her glittery dresses. She's 65. She'll be delighted to give up the diet, rather less than delighted to hear that some people think she's so far past it as to give up bothering with how she looks and feels.

borderslass · 06/02/2011 10:57

I do slimming world and there are ladies and gents in there 60's there's even one who is in her 70's.60 isn't old and if it helps keep you healthy whats the problem.

ilovemydogandMrObama · 06/02/2011 11:02

My grandmother, a lifelong smoker, stopped at 70!

bubblewrapped · 06/02/2011 11:08

My mum lived her whole bloody life on and off diets.. even in her late seventies she was obsessed with her weight.

She was a dancer, so I suppose that played a part in it, but she was too thin, and it really isnt healthy for someone elderly to be too skinny. It also ages them too.

EditedforClarity · 06/02/2011 11:08

My mum is 74 - she tries to keep her weight down both for the sake of her health and comfort. Good for her I say. If I told her it was futile she'd give me one of her looks. Be afraid.

cocoachannel · 06/02/2011 11:12

It seems, OP, that this is more about your relationship with food/dieting than your MIL, given you state how much you love foid and hate dieting...?

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