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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish my in-laws wouldn't answer my phone

68 replies

WonderingStar · 04/02/2011 20:22

Have had ishoos in the past with the PILs overstepping boundaries a little (DH died so I can't go through him in dealing with them). I may well be oversensitive now because of this.

Anyway, if you'd gone out and your PILs were at your house babysitting, would you mind or not if they answered your landline phone when it rang?

Bearing in mind that I have caller display and an answerphone so they would know that it wasn't me calling and that whoever did ring could leave a message. And they have mobiles which I could ring anyway if needs be.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 04/02/2011 20:24

They might not think twice about it, I would think it is quite common to answer someones phone if you were babysitting, seems reasonable, why not take it out of the socket so it does not ring? or turn it on silent?

SandStorm · 04/02/2011 20:25

If I'm out and have a babysitter I would be grateful to her for answering the phone if it rang.

onehotmomma · 04/02/2011 20:25

When my MIL babysits she answers my phone and I do not have a problem with it :)

Changeisagoodthing · 04/02/2011 20:26

Of course they would answervthe phone. It may be you getting in touch or someone from a utilities company.

I would expect my pils or even my 15 year old sitter to answer the phone,

Pictish · 04/02/2011 20:26

YABU - it is quite natural to answer a ringing phone....if only to say 'I'm sorry, she's not in at the moment'

bibbitybobbityhat · 04/02/2011 20:28

Yanbu. If you have an answerphone there is no need for pil to answer your phone for you (have had similar issues, so sympathies).

roadbackhome · 04/02/2011 20:28

I'd think it was fairly normal for someone babysitting to answer the phone.

WincyEtNightie · 04/02/2011 20:30

I'd agree it's pretty normal to answer the phone in that situation. And, to answer your question, I wouldn't mind at all.

marmy55 · 04/02/2011 20:31

of course they should. you could have broken down and be calling from a payphone

what a silly thing to worry over

Original poster
WonderingStar · 04/02/2011 20:31

if it was someone from a utilities company, what good is it my PILs answering the phone? if it is me, it will come up on caller display (my no is in the memory so that babysitters can use it).

I don't like it because I like my privacy. let's say I'd started dating someone (I haven't!) and it was him calling - but I hadn't told the PILs about it. in fact any man calling might set them thinking in ways I don't want them to. FIL is desperate to know about all the people in my life, and if he knew the person on the other end would seize the opportunity to interrogate chat with them.

OP posts:
firsttimemama · 04/02/2011 20:35

Agree that you should turn the ringer off.

bubblewrapped · 04/02/2011 20:35

FFS, it could be burglars calling to see if the house is empty.. it could be an emergency.. it could be any number of reasons.. of course you would expect someone who is babysitting to answer the phone if you are out.

Supposing the caller just kept on ringing and ringing.. are they meant to sit there and listen to it all night.

How ridiculous to be annoyed by this.

I really really cant see how on earth it is overstepping boundaries.

If you make an issue out of something like this, dont be surprised when they arent available to babysit for you in the future.

WincyEtNightie · 04/02/2011 20:37

If you do have an issue with it, just tell them firmly but politely, "please don't answer the home phone if it rings. If I need to contact you, I will call your mobiles". If they still answer it then YANBU to be annoyed.

SarahBumBarer · 04/02/2011 20:38

I think YAB a little U but really - your phone, your house, up to you. Next time you go our with them babysitting why not just say, "If the phone rings please just let it go to answerphone" as I would prefer people to leave a message.

Wouldn't it disturb your DC less though if your PIL's just answered it quickly?

SarahBumBarer · 04/02/2011 20:39

Oops - " cut in too early!

verytellytubby · 04/02/2011 20:39

I wouldn't have an issue with it at all.

ImFab · 04/02/2011 20:40

I hate it too if my ils answer my landline when I am out. I have issues though.

Original poster
WonderingStar · 04/02/2011 20:41

yes, will put it on silent in future.

if there is an emergency I will ring their mobiles.

as dc didn't wake up when the burglar alarm went off in the middle of the night, phone ringing in another room is not an issue.

if a burglar rings the house to find out if it's empty Hmm then they will get a surprise when they try breaking in and find PIL sitting there won't they.

I don't actually see any reason to answer someone else's phone, unless yes if it rang over and over and over.

OP posts:
BlackSwan · 04/02/2011 20:42

YANBU.

I'd be happier if my in laws didn't call my phone. Let alone answer it.

JingleMum · 04/02/2011 20:43

my PILS always answer my house phone, even when i'm at home sitting next to them! worse than that my FIL does 1471 (if he misses the call and i'm not in) and starts asking who it is and what did they want? (it's always my family calling and they think he's a cheeky bastard!) i would say that my PILS are overstepping the boundaries. i don't think yours are though, only because you haven't told them not to use the phone when you are not in.

i can see your point as you don't want them knowing your personal private business. you need to tell them politely, if they don't listen then they are being VERY unreasonable.

GORGEOUSX · 04/02/2011 20:48

I would expect them to answer the 'phone, TBH, so yes, I do think you are being over-sensitive.

RevoltingPeasant · 04/02/2011 20:48

Wonder if it's a generational thing....? My dad doesn't really use mobiles/ answerphone so always answers phones as a matter of course.

It would annoy me a little but probably not enough to really force the issue.

Essentially YANBU.

GORGEOUSX · 04/02/2011 20:49

jingle - THAT'S OUTRAGEOUS! Shock

taintedpaint · 04/02/2011 20:50

YABU. And possibly a tad controlling.

It's not a bad thing that they want to be involved in your life and tbh this sounds like a very trivial thing to let bother you.

If it's going to get on your nerves, say something, but they are being completely normal.

TheProvincialLady · 04/02/2011 20:51

Have you ever asked them not to? If yes then they are overstepping boundaries. Otherwise they are acting like 98% of people of their generation.

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