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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish my in-laws wouldn't answer my phone

68 replies

WonderingStar · 04/02/2011 20:22

Have had ishoos in the past with the PILs overstepping boundaries a little (DH died so I can't go through him in dealing with them). I may well be oversensitive now because of this.

Anyway, if you'd gone out and your PILs were at your house babysitting, would you mind or not if they answered your landline phone when it rang?

Bearing in mind that I have caller display and an answerphone so they would know that it wasn't me calling and that whoever did ring could leave a message. And they have mobiles which I could ring anyway if needs be.

OP posts:
Takeresponsibility · 04/02/2011 20:56

"98% of people of their generation."

What generation is that - there are people of (I asume) all ages who have stated they would answer the phone if they are babysitting. Curious to know what age group you think they are in (mainly so I can see if I am in it!)

scottishmummy · 04/02/2011 20:57

it isnt massively intrusive to answer a ringing phone.if you absolutely dont want them answering put onto silent or disconnect

tbh most people would answer a ringing phone,as your pil they probably thought was appropriate to do so

2rebecca · 04/02/2011 20:59

Mobile reception is rubbish in my house so if I have a babysitter I would expect them to answer the phone as it may be me calling to see how things are or say I'd been taken to hospital etc. How else are you going to contact your babysitter?

MosEisley · 04/02/2011 20:59

Sorry but YABU. As long as they just answer and say 'sorry but WonderingStar is out right now, would you like to leave a name and number so she can call you back?'

If you meet a new bloke, surely you'd give him your mobile no. anyway?

Sounds like the issue is more to do with them / FIL being nosy in general.

missismac · 04/02/2011 21:00

Agree with most of others. YABU - it's completely normal for anyone babysitting to answer a ringing phone. The issue is yours. If you need to be so 'private' that you can't allow them to behave like normal people in your home then you might be better of paying for a babysitter in future then you can leave precise instructions enabling them to cater to your oddities.

JingleMum · 04/02/2011 21:01

GORGEOUSX - i'm too soft wil my PILs i think. i'm sure other people would go mad at the phone business, i just accept it through gritted teeth. MIL also turned up at my house and started re-arranging all my kitchen cupboards telling me that " i need to utilise my space" oh i could go on and on... i do love them though, just don't like their interference.

Dansmommy · 04/02/2011 21:02

You are happy for them to be in your house alone but not to answer your phone? So privacy is clearly not an issue when you want something. (ie a babysitter)

I think it's really unusual to think that they'd just sit and ignore your ringing phone.

pranma · 04/02/2011 21:02

Of course I would answer it whyever not?When I babysit for dd and ds-i-l and the phone rings it wouldnt occur to me to let it ring![I am 66]I just say ,'this is [dd's]mum.i am babysitting,can I take a message?'They expect me to do this what ever is intrusive about it>I am astonished at this attitude.

Bogeyface · 04/02/2011 21:04

It wouldnt bother me at all, and I would answer it if I was babysitting somewhere too.

Sometimes it might be an emergency and the person doesnt leave a message thinking you arent there.

But I think you are perhaps more sensitive to it because they overstep the boundaries in other areas so I can see why you feel like you do.

scottishmummy · 04/02/2011 21:04

if i was babysitting and phone rang id answer it

GORGEOUSX · 04/02/2011 21:05

Jingle LOL! If it's any consolation, my MIL would never, ever do such a thing, but then my MIL doesn't do anything at all for us - certainly she never babysat.

Our relationship is far too formal, and I often wish she could be more relaxed, and I would suffer her re-arranging my cupboards. Smile

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 04/02/2011 21:06

My parents and inlaws have always answered the phone if here and I am not and taken messages. I have always answered phones when I have been babysitting.

usualsuspect · 04/02/2011 21:07

of course I would answer a phone if I was babysitting

fortyplus · 04/02/2011 21:08

YABU - especially as they're helping you out by babysitting!

Millie1206 · 04/02/2011 21:11

Sorry I think YABabitU, my PIL however let themselves into my house when we are in, they've always had a key (and we have one to their house for 'emergencies') but got into this habit while I was breastfeeding DS. It was easier tbh as I didn't have to get up to answer the door, but now I've stopped it's really winding me up as they are still doing it. My parents also have a key to our house but would never dream of letting themselves in. Pick your fights though, that's what I'm trying to do, grit me teeth and remember all the good things they do!

RailwayChild · 04/02/2011 21:13

I don't have any privacy in my house. My parents and my teens answer the phone. I give my mobile number to almost everyone now

I doubt they realise how you might feel tbh so take steps to avoid the issue rather than confront?

Horton · 04/02/2011 21:16

YABU. I would answer the phone if I was at someone's house and they weren't there, in case it was important. If they'd told me not to, I wouldn't. But I would think they were a bit odd and wonder who on earth would be calling them that I couldn't know about. I mean, if I was in someone else's house without them, I assume I'd know them pretty well.

Also, what if you lose your phone and it's an emergency? Do you know your PILs mobile numbers off by heart? I know I don't.

Original poster
WonderingStar · 04/02/2011 21:19

thank you all for the thoughts. I see now that in most people's worlds my view is definitely U - fair enough. Just wondered!

Some people have different lives / boundaries / past history, and so that's why my take is a bit different.

But I see that they aren't doing it to be nosy and intrusive, they're doing it because they think it is the done thing.

re babysitting, they are massively keen to come and help and to see their gdc, I could easily get a babysitter and cut them out altogether, but I wouldn't do that because they are lovely people who have different boundaries to me. so enough with the snarky comments about paying for a sitter instead, I often do.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 04/02/2011 21:24

WonderingStar ..most people would answer a phone when babysitting though ...its perfectly normal to do so

JingleMum · 04/02/2011 21:24

the paying for the sitter comments make me do this Hmm

they has lost their son, they won't want to lose their grandchildren and nor should they.

ii think the OP is the one doing them a favour if anything.

JingleMum · 04/02/2011 21:24

*have, not has

Horton · 04/02/2011 21:25

Maybe you could just leave the answerphone on and ask them not to answer unless it's you? Presumably they will hear the message. Or set up a code, you know, ring three times and ring straight back or something.

MorticiaAddams · 04/02/2011 21:25

YABU. I would expect anybody in my house to answer the phone and would do it in somebody else's house if they weren't there or couldn't get to the phone whilst I was there. It seems the polite thing to do to me.

Original poster
WonderingStar · 04/02/2011 21:26

i see that usualsuspect, I'm saying that I have different boundaries to "most" people inc my PILs. Value my privacy, don't like being interogated by PILs about people who rang, like to compartmentalise my life. makes me odd, I can live with that. sometimes AIBU makes you realise that your own "normal" view is not the norm, so v helpful!

OP posts:
Original poster
WonderingStar · 04/02/2011 21:29

phone has built in voicemail like mobiles, so anyone calling will automatically go to answerphone after a few rings. so I will hear for myself what they wanted to say. sometimes people ring to leave me supportive messages or just to see how I am, it's nice to hear their voices as I don't always feel up to calling back. anyway that would be taking us into AIBU by stealth, let's not go there. things are probably different after a bereavement I guess.

OP posts:
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