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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this was controlling and petty?

54 replies

JaneS · 04/02/2011 12:09

My parents are coming down to visit me tomorrow. They wanted to go to a particular restaurant, and when I booked it just now they only had tables free at 6.30 or 9pm, so I went with 6.30. I do know my parents usually eat more like 7.30/8, but my mum would be starving hungry by 9 so it seemed the better option.

She is now furious that I booked at a time that's 'not dinner time' and insists she won't be hungry then, will not want to eat and I've 'spoilt' their meal. I figure we can just go, order some drinks and eat slowly - it'll easily be more like 7 by the time we get starters, at the very earliest.

I admit that when I saw my parents more often, I would have remembered what time mum likes to eat and automatically deferred to that, but I'd forgotten and didn't think it was important.

Is it me, or is this a totally ridiculous thing to get upset about?

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 04/02/2011 12:11

it is a ridiculous thing to get upset about, they wanted to eat there there were only two options available, one too early and one too late, which would she have preferred.

Tell her not to be so bloody petty and be grateful you booked at all.

By the time you get your food it be 7 ish anyway.

MoonGirl1981 · 04/02/2011 12:12

Ridiculous!!

Tell her to eat lunch an hour earlier to compensate!

fridayfunkout · 04/02/2011 12:13

As it was impossible to book the restaurant at the chosen time, she is being incredibly precious.

I like eating at 8-8.30 and 9 is too late for me - you won't get your food til 9.30-10!

Ormirian · 04/02/2011 12:14

yes this is a totally ridiculous thing to ge upset about!

PearlBarley · 04/02/2011 12:14

Incomprehensibly petty.

BeeBox · 04/02/2011 12:15

Yes, petty and rude.

Original poster

JaneS · 04/02/2011 12:16

Thanks all.

I think the implication is that I should have booked it much earlier this week when there was more choice. And I should. But does it matter?!

It's all tied up to money - we said we'd cook for them; they said no, they'd take us out. They always insist on trying to pay for stuff, which is in a way kind but in a way annoying as they quite often imply (without meaning to) that DH and I are too poor and unsuccessful. I think she now feels that as they are paying they have the right to have the meal when they wanted. Meh.

OP posts:

COCKadoodledooo · 04/02/2011 12:16

She is indeed being ridiculous. 'Ruined'? Tosh!

My folks like to eat later. When they come here, they know they'll eat earlier because of the chiddlers. They have never yet complained, and I doubt that they'd think to!

Tell 'em it's not like you'll be putting them to bed as soon as you get home. Unless they whinge too much

maras2 · 04/02/2011 12:16

Sounds like you'll be having a fun weekend.Sheeeesh!

rookiemater · 04/02/2011 12:17

Ridiculous, I would be tempted to ring her up and ask if you should cancel the reservation as this is the only time available, or actually I might just go ahead and do it, but then that would spoil the visit.

Original poster

JaneS · 04/02/2011 12:17

Tell me about it, maras!

Ah well, at least it will be amusing afterwards. Or she might have simmered down by tomorrow (unlikely!).

OP posts:

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 04/02/2011 12:19

controlling AND petty!!

I'd either ignore her, or cancel & book somewhere else for the "correct" time and don't tell her.
Happy weekend.

slightlymad72 · 04/02/2011 12:20

Cancel it and take them to MacDonalds

FabbyChic · 04/02/2011 12:20

Jeez we eat between 4 and 6 in this house, never later.

SoMuchToBits · 04/02/2011 12:20

I think it depends on a lot of factors tbh. Did you know your parents were coming quite a long time ago, or was the visit only arranged today/yesterday? If it had been planned for a while, I can see why your Mum might be annoyed that you had only got round to booking it today, and therefore there was little choice of times (I wouldn't normally expect to be able to get a table at most places on Saturday if only booking the previous day).

On the othe hand if they are visiting at short notice, then they have to accept you had little choice, and had to go with a time which wasn't ideal.

For me personally though, I would find it really difficult to go at 6.30. I just wouldn't be hungry enough (even if I had eaten lunch earlier). I wouldn't have made such a fuss though, just been disappointed that I wouldn't have been able to enjoy the meal that much.

ziva · 04/02/2011 12:22

that is very petty.tell her she can like it or lump it.

COCKadoodledooo · 04/02/2011 12:23

I think this "annoying as they quite often imply (without meaning to) that DH and I are too poor and unsuccessful." is less about their implication and more about your inference tbh. Unless there's more to it of course.

I had a conversation with my darling dad yesterday. We're struggling a bit atm, and he's upset about it, because he says he didn't work as hard as he did to sit by and watch us struggle. I don't think there's any implication about our lack of success here, rather a father's concern about his daughter. And when they come visit (even in the good times) they always take us out to dinner. I've never thought about it as anything other than a treat for us, because we don't see each other that often. I guess I could make the same inference as you if I really think about it, but I'd have to try really hard!

Original poster

JaneS · 04/02/2011 12:23

SoMuch - yes, I knew they were coming for about 10 days. But I've been away from home for most of that 10 days and knackered, in my defense. I was dead lucky they still had a table.

I just forgot it would matter. I figured I'd call there, see if they had a table, and if not, go somewhere else (lots of places around here, DH and I almost never book and never struggle to find somewhere nice).

I do feel bad if she'll really struggle but surely we can spin out the drinks and ordering until later? The restaurant (oddly) didn't say they need the table back at a particular time so I conclude we can spin it out if we like.

OP posts:

Jux · 04/02/2011 12:23

I would think that if it mattered that much to them then they should have booked it themselves anyway.

I hope you have fun this w/e, but at least you'll get a good dinner out of it. Choose the most expensive things on the menu.

Original poster

JaneS · 04/02/2011 12:26

Cockadoodle - yes, it is more about our inference. But I have gently told dad before that it is hurting DH a little to be constantly told we're poor, as DH works as hard as he can! And it isn't fun when you've tried to make a place your home and they won't eat there because it's too small, which is the way they feel. I've had 6 people round the table for dinner at New Years and no-one complained!

OP posts:

doubleease · 04/02/2011 12:30

She's upset you have 'spoilt' their meal?

Why are they coming down? To visit you or to eat? YANBU

JeezyPeeps · 04/02/2011 12:35

If they wanted to go yo that specific restaurant then surely they should have booked it? You have a busy life, presumably theirs is less so. Tell her that next time she can book it!

queribus · 04/02/2011 12:39

I'd cancel.

Then explain that as she was so angry it didn't seem worth sepnding money on a meal which she had decided was already 'spolit' before she got there.

Offer to cook or get a take-away - to be served at 7.45pm precisely, as the timing is clearly soooo much more important than enjoying each other's company!

queribus · 04/02/2011 12:40

spending

spoilt

wheredidyoulastseeit · 04/02/2011 12:44

Maybe she's upset that you've forgotten what time she likes to eat, your moving on, living away and its one more sign your not her little girl anymore.

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