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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my mil should have included my dh in this

73 replies

luc2011 · 04/02/2011 11:13

my mil has just informed me that she took out insurance policies for her 6 children all of which are adults ten years ago and they are ready to be cashed now. the youngest child when she was taking them out would have been a teenager and my dh the eldest would have been early twenties. Then she went on to say that she didnt take one out for my dh but took it out for our dc who was the only grandchild at the time. Because there is a history of her treating my dh differently (harder than the rest) I am very upset about this. aibu

OP posts:
TryLikingClarity · 04/02/2011 11:15

YANBU.

Does your DH know about it?

JaneS · 04/02/2011 11:17

Um ... I don't see the issue really? She presumably felt it was more sensible to take it out in your child's name as you and your DH have him/her to care for.

Did you want her to take out two policies or something?

mumeeee · 04/02/2011 11:18

Your DH was in his early twenties and mariedwhen your MIL took the insurance policies out,
So as he was an independent adult with a family of his own, she probably thought she didn't need to. She did howeber take one out for her grandchild,your DC,
YABU

swanandduck · 04/02/2011 11:18

I don't really see the issue either. Your family unit still got a policy.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 04/02/2011 11:20

I think yabu...if the other siblings didnt have families of their own...she put your child before your DH which is correct.

Original poster
luc2011 · 04/02/2011 11:20

yes i went home and told him. He was upset but not surprised. He confronted her that evening and she had nothing to say but that she was sorry. HOwever since then she is saying that she took it out for our dc so what are we going on about. This is bacause other family members are in her ear saying this to her. I always knew she treated him differently but this is the proof now and yet she is still acting as though she has done nothing wrong.

OP posts:
swanandduck · 04/02/2011 11:21

But she hasn't done anything wrong. If there are other issues then maybe they should be dealt with. But you are picking the wrong battle.

Original poster
luc2011 · 04/02/2011 11:21

we were not married when she took it out just living together for a few months. An another son was living abroad and it was taken out for him

OP posts:
swanandduck · 04/02/2011 11:23

But you had a child together and that seems to be the point.

ShatnersBassoon · 04/02/2011 11:26

I think she made a sensible decision. The other adults she took policies for didn't have children.

mumeeee · 04/02/2011 11:28

Even if you were not married you were living with your DH at the time and you had a chils, So I'll say adain I think your MIL did the right thingf and did actually provide for your family.
The son who was living abraod at the time did not have aby children,
I think you are being very petty and childish and should apolagise to your MIL.
I have a married Daughter and I expect her to be independent and work out things with her DH.

HerbWoman · 04/02/2011 11:29

Are there now other grandchildren? Will she take one out for all of them too? If not, later they could all argue that your DC was favoured over them. If you have more than one child, are they expected to share this policy between them? It would have been easier if she had simply taken it out for your DH as 10 years down the line it can cause too many unexpected issues.

JaneS · 04/02/2011 11:30

You say there are other issues and I suspect they're affecting how you feel about this.

Honestly - if she had taken it out in your DH's name, might you not have thought 'how rude, treating him like a child, why didn't she do the sensible thing and make it for our DC'?

And would she know you wouldn't think that? Imo, newly-married, new parents (based on MN), seem to get fed up with their parents treating them like children.

Don't you think there might be a good motivation behind her decision?

gordyslovesheep · 04/02/2011 11:31

she took insurance policies out on the CHILDREN including your child - your husband was an ADULT - blimey I think you are being VU sorry

RealityIsKnockedUp · 04/02/2011 11:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
luc2011 · 04/02/2011 11:32

I am independent and do work things out with my DH mumeee, dont understand what you mean by that???? I just feel that after years of her treating him differently this was the last straw. She doesnt treat him well at all so I was upset for him. Maybe I am being over sensitive after just having dc3. thanks for replies.

OP posts:
KnittedBreast · 04/02/2011 11:34

of course she has done something wrong, treating one of her children so differently. if she really cared she could have taken another one out for your children as well as your dp.

tyzer2001 · 04/02/2011 11:34

DONE SOMETHING WRONG?

By paying premiums for ten years on a insurance policy that will give YOUR CHILD a lump sum?

YAB very U.
And an ungrateful .

bubblewrapped · 04/02/2011 11:34

This is like an inheritance moan.. it is her money, to do with as she wishes. It isnt anyones "right" to get the money.

Maybe she thought about doing it because you had just had a child. And because the others didnt have a child at the time, she had to take policies out in their names in the hope that by the time the policy matured they had children themselves, and the money is intended for their children.

RealityIsKnockedUp · 04/02/2011 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JaneS · 04/02/2011 11:37

'If she really cared' ... blimy, knitted, what a horrible thing to say! How do you know how much spare money the MIL has?

Honestly, this just sounds so greedy. I'm sure it's not that, I'm sure it's other issues that aren't making it onto the page, but still!

Original poster
luc2011 · 04/02/2011 11:37

gordyslovesheep three of her six children were adults at the time of her taking out the policy

OP posts:
ginmakesitallok · 04/02/2011 11:38

If you think she was in the wrong then you could always just refuse the money? I think YABU

JaneS · 04/02/2011 11:38

But you were the only ones with a child, right?

Incidentally, I've no idea how it works, but is it financially better for a policy to be in a child's name? Less tax to pay or something?

ShatnersBassoon · 04/02/2011 11:41

If the injustice of having the policy in your child's name is too much for you and your husband to deal with, tell her you'll be unable to accept the gift.

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