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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my mil should have included my dh in this

73 replies

luc2011 · 04/02/2011 11:13

my mil has just informed me that she took out insurance policies for her 6 children all of which are adults ten years ago and they are ready to be cashed now. the youngest child when she was taking them out would have been a teenager and my dh the eldest would have been early twenties. Then she went on to say that she didnt take one out for my dh but took it out for our dc who was the only grandchild at the time. Because there is a history of her treating my dh differently (harder than the rest) I am very upset about this. aibu

OP posts:

boohoohoo · 04/02/2011 11:41

FGS what on earth has she done wrong?? Her money, her right to do with it as she wishes, however, she has not left her son out at all, just made it for your DC? Most people would be thrilled, and prefer the money to go to their DCs rather than themselves! poor woman!

GORGEOUSX · 04/02/2011 11:43

Do you mean Savings Plans? Not sure what you mean by "insurance policies".

swanandduck · 04/02/2011 11:45

I really think you're angry about other things and are using a very bad example to demonstrate how unfair your MIL is.

Going simply on this example you sound ungrateful, rude, petty and impossible to please.

Original poster

luc2011 · 04/02/2011 11:45

just to be straight I really couldnt care about the money and I am grateful for her for doing it for our dc but I am upset bacuse I just think its the fact that for years she has constantly treating him badly and this is backing up what he feels. Calm down people my god I'm upset dont need to be abused for asking oppinions.

OP posts:

RealityIsKnockedUp · 04/02/2011 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

swanandduck · 04/02/2011 11:49

Could you give us other examples luc. You're asking us to form an opinion on something very petty but keep saying there are other things.
I don't think anyone's abusing you, it just seems a very strange gripe.

FabbyChic · 04/02/2011 11:49

I fail to see why you are so upset, you can say he was treated differently if the others had children and she didn't take policies out for them but their fathers instead. But in your case you were the only one with a child so you got the child's policy instead.

Your husband was treated differently because he had a child, can you not understand that.

Seems to me you are a bit dippy and pissed that your child gets money and not your husband that you can dip into.

Be grateful you got anything at all she did not have to take out any policy for your husband or for your child but she did.

JaneS · 04/02/2011 11:49

Look, if you want the sympathy you maybe need to explain a bit more? It really isn't making sense and there's clearly something else going on.

Does she favour your DC over your DH or something? Is that it?

HecateQueenOfWitches · 04/02/2011 11:50

Was he the only one with a child?

If others had children and they got a policy in their name as well as his sibling getting one in their name then that would be awful. More of a snub to him.

But if your child was the only grandchild at the time and she chose to get a policy in that name instead, then I can understand that choice.

However, it's not about the policy is it? He has a lot of unresolved feelings about his place in the family. Being 'left out' as an individual, even though him as a family unit - iyswim - got the same, is what is bothering you/him.

FooffyShmoofer · 04/02/2011 11:51

In feeling like this is one more occasion where your DH has been treated differently to his siblings Yanbu to be upset on your DHs behalf. I have experience of this only in our case our children are continually disregarded also.

However, she DID include your child. In circumstances such as this I would choose my battles carefully and in your frustration I honestly think this was not the one to choose

Yabu about this I'm afraid

gordyslovesheep · 04/02/2011 11:52

if there are issues with him and her it's not really YOUR battle to fight - he needs to sort it himself

but if you are really upset refuse the money :)

ivykaty44 · 04/02/2011 11:53

I thought it was illegal to take out insurance on someone else, regardless of relationship

bubblewrapped · 04/02/2011 11:54

Maybe BEFORE you met him, she had good reason to treat him differently to his siblings.

Perhaps he borrowed money off her in the past and didnt pay it back.

Maybe he had money as a gift that the others didnt get.

Its really none of your business actually, and you should just be pleased that she cares enough for your child to have saved some of HER money for him.

If I was the MIL reading this, I would tell you to piss off and give the money to charity.

willowstar · 04/02/2011 11:55

I'd love someone to be looking out for my little girl by getting her an insurance policy, not sure I would object at all! YABU

mumeeee · 04/02/2011 11:59

Sorry luc2011 I didn't mean to imply that you didn't work things out for yourselves,
I didn't explain things very well. We do now treat our mairred daughter differntly then our two younger daugthers mainly because as she is now married she and her husband oare financially independent and we don't pay for anyrhing any more, I have 2 younger daughters aged 19 and 21 and we do support them financially. One example is we are going to my nephews wedding in America in July and our 2 younger daughters are coming with us,we will pay for them. If our maried dauvghter is ablr and wants to come her and our SIL will be paying for themselves,

GORGEOUSX · 04/02/2011 11:59

Ivykaty You are right. That's why I asked OP what she meant?

You can't take out insurance on another person - you can only insure yourself - it's a way of ensuring people don't take out insurance on someone and then do away with them!

So, OP, you haven't given the whole story here; also I think it's unreasonable of you to post a question on AIBU and then complain that you don't like the answers you're getting.

As others have said, on the face of it, YABVU, but I do feel that you haven't really given us the real story of why you feel so aggrieved.

FabbyChic · 04/02/2011 12:00

I don't think it is insurance it is a ten year savings policy, surely that is obvious that is what it is.

bubblewrapped · 04/02/2011 12:02

Years ago, policies like this were classes as insurance policies.

People would pay a certain amount each week, then cash them in when the policies matured. If the person died before they matured, they would be paid out to the nominee on the policy. Very different to a life insurance policy.

FooffyShmoofer · 04/02/2011 12:05

It may not BE your battle but when it's your DH/DP it sure as hell feels like your battle. It's hard to see straight when you feel their hurt for them.

There is obviously way more to this than any of us know and your OP does come across as ungrateful. Which is a shame because it's now clear that you ran with the ball on this one spurred on by your and DHs feelings.

The fact is your MIL did GOOD on this occasion. All you can do is rectify it with her.

werewolf · 04/02/2011 12:07

My parents took one out for my brother and didn't bother for me.

GORGEOUSX · 04/02/2011 12:08

FabbyChic The only thing "obvious" to me is that you can't possibly know if this is a 10 year savings plan, and are jumping to conclusions.

FabbyChic · 04/02/2011 12:09

But it has been said you cannot take out insurance for someone else i.e a life policy, there are other policies that they call insurance policies that are in fact savings plans. This clearly is not a life policy.

curlymama · 04/02/2011 12:17

I don't think your MIL did the right thing at all. She should have taken them out for all the children, then they could decide how to spend the money. She had no way of knowing that the others weren't going to have children in that time, or whether you were going to have more children. So she has created a situation where all the children are being treated differntly, and all the grandchildren are being treated differntly. If yours is still the only child, she got very lucky.

But, there's not much you can do about it. She didn't have to do any of it for any of them, so you just have to accept what your dc has gratefully.

ImFab · 04/02/2011 12:19

This is just another example of her treating your dh differently in your eyes but you don't have to see it that way. You could look on it that you had a child and she thought about him.

GORGEOUSX · 04/02/2011 12:19

Fabby I'm the one who said it - that's why I'm asking OP what it is. I don't know why you feel the need to answer for her. Clearly something else is bothering OP.

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