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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am, I know, and I know what the responses will be <quiver> but I am upset and angry so am throwing myself to the lions

103 replies

yerbladdymavva · 04/02/2011 09:21

just had a row with ds2's teacher

he's 6 and in Y2, in the top reading group and very capable, although he is not keen on reading and writing and is apt to be slapdash

he reads at home with me and writes for a purpose "insulting notes to his brother, nice notes to me etc Grin and I work in early years so I have a reasonable grasp of where he is

two of the children in his reading group have been having harder reading books because teacher thinks they are at a different level - I think the books ds2 gets are pitifully easy and dull, but I haven't questioned it much (did mention it at parents evening but didn't push it)

today though his spellings were "have", "out", "with", "some" etc - he could spell those when he was 4 fgs

the two top ones in his group had "eventually", "different", "heard" etc

I asked the teacher whether she was sure these were the right spellings as they look very like the ones he had in Reception

she said the whole class aprt from the top 2 had the same words, apart from the 4 lowest who had the same words but only 4 of them

she showed me the long test they did last week where my ds2 had spelled "were" as "wur"

If I were his teacher I would have kicked him up the proverbial arse and made him do it again - she knows damn well he can do that level of work standing on his head.

I WILL talk to him about being lazy, but honestly I am fuming that the teacher isn't making any effort to get anything out of him, I feel that she has "picked" the two top children in the group and sod the rest

OP posts:
KangarooCaught · 04/02/2011 10:04

You can take the time to tickle him and make him do it again but the teacher in the weekly spelling test, no. What's to say they then don't go on to consolidate the spellings in the writing he does later on? Most primaries buy in schemes and have years of NLS, so that's quite likely.

The key words you got in Reception I'm assuming were for reading/blending, these words are for spelling. Ds is bright & his spellings vary in difficulty week by week as they consolidate different spelling patterns.

LoopyLoopsPoopaScoop · 04/02/2011 10:04

I think the best thing to do would be to ask for his completed spelling test to be sent home each week, to be improved upon and redone,. Then agree with the teacher that if she sees a marked improvement in X amount of weeks, she is to consider giving harder spellings.

princessparty · 04/02/2011 10:05

Also before school isn't really a good time for that sort of discussion.She will be trying to get organised , making an appointment after school world be much better idea.

HingCogNeeto · 04/02/2011 10:05

yy what happens 'at home' must be demonstrated in school, no point in bellowing at teacher

how to get him to do it, that's the challenge innit

Original poster
yerbladdymavva · 04/02/2011 10:07

I can't go in after school, I have to work

and I did not bellow at her!

OP posts:
MrSpoc · 04/02/2011 10:07

Try not to worry yerbladdtmavva - we all want whats best and it is frustrating when you know your child can do something but they fail to do it when needed.

you are normal

But i still think this is not a teacher issue and that you need to be firmer with your son.

LoopyLoopsPoopaScoop · 04/02/2011 10:08

And yes, I was going to ask if this was some kind of projection of your own ambitions and feeling of self worth. Please remember that he is only little, probably doesn't care one jot about spelling and is only doing it at home to please you. At school he's doing it because he has to, but the impetus to do well isn't the same.
How does the school use rewards?

ThaliaKeith · 04/02/2011 10:08

If my DS (also in year 2) were getting those spelling words I would feel annoyed.

Having only 2 in the class with harder words is a bit odd too as it seens unlikely only two would be up to that standard. It wouldn't be any more work for the teacher to have more in that group.

Although I can see his teacher can 't give everyone individual attention. (ie the making him do it again).

Don't have any advice but really can see where you're coming from.

cantspel · 04/02/2011 10:11

You are reflecting your issues on your son. You seem to want him to shine and be seen as one of the more able children in the class and seem to be taking it as a personal insult that the teacher doesn't agree with you.
He may well already know these words but unless he gets them right in school he will be assessed at the level of work he does produce.

Ease up a little before you completly destroy your relationship with the school. He is only 6 so in the great scheme of things it is very early days in his education.

Original poster
yerbladdymavva · 04/02/2011 10:13

cantspel I think there is some truth in that

but at the same time I taught him to read, I see his writing and read with him a LOT, so I do know what level he is at and that his ability doesn't match the work her is getting. I would bve annoyed if I were the parent of any other child in that top group too.

It's not ALL my personal issues. But me handling it badly, that undoubtely is.

OP posts:
MrSpoc · 04/02/2011 10:17

yet your son cannot do it at school. how would the teacher know he can do it if he fails to show the teacher that he can?

Just because you tell the teacher means F - All.

You need to pull your son up and find out why he is not doing his best at school. give him a bollocking if you have too. (this is part of your fault)

Original poster
yerbladdymavva · 04/02/2011 10:19

I think I am scared of doing "bollockings" for not doing well at school". It feels like a surefire way to make your child resentful and nervous. And what if I am wrong?

OP posts:
PaisleyLeaf · 04/02/2011 10:21

Yet you want the teacher to 'kick him up the arse'?

I really don't like the thought of a 6 year old getting a bollocking for not getting all his spellings right.

HingCogNeeto · 04/02/2011 10:22

ah now this is where we all wobble at some point

the bollockings should not be about achieving but effort - hard to unpick this sometimes

mutznutz · 04/02/2011 10:22

If you're experienced in Early Years then you'll know that 'simple' spellings are given over and over again until it's second nature for the children to be able to spell them correctly...even in year six the most capable kids are often given words like 'were' 'where' 'our' 'hour' etc as they are commonly mispelt.

Why not just let the teacher do her job, and set your son the spellings you think he should be doing at home? Confused

Original poster
yerbladdymavva · 04/02/2011 10:23

I don't want her to be nasty or frighten him, I don't want her to "bollock" him

I do want her to let him know that she is aware of his level of capability and that he is expected to at least try.

OP posts:
HingCogNeeto · 04/02/2011 10:23

NB not just about spellings but life in general and schooling in partic

kepler10b · 04/02/2011 10:24

basically you are annoyed your son isn't in the top 2 and the teacher doesn't have time to individuate the tests for the middle group more.

why not just give him some more spellings at home?

if every parent was so demanding and insistent about the capabilities of their offspring i don't suppose the teachers would have time for anything.

Original poster
yerbladdymavva · 04/02/2011 10:24

I would never bollock a child for not getting all of something right per se, but I am cross with him for not even attempting the task. I know he can do better. I know he knows it too.

OP posts:
MrSpoc · 04/02/2011 10:25

you needc to sit down with your DS and say to him,

Right we both know you can do it - so why do you not do it at school- "stop and listen" if he is being lazy you need to be firm and say look son, your can do it but you need to show the teacher you can. if he doesnt then bollock him.

If he says he does not understand what the teacher is asking then that is another matter.

HingCogNeeto · 04/02/2011 10:25

let me have a think, back later

wrt how to motivate him, I mean

Original poster
yerbladdymavva · 04/02/2011 10:26

there are six groups of 5

ds2 is in the top one, with two of the 5 in his group having harder work

the teacher set a test for the top 2 with "eventually" etc in it

the rest of the class got "out" and "have" etc

I AM annoyed about that and think she is being slovenly

OP posts:
HingCogNeeto · 04/02/2011 10:28

no no no

don't go on about the blardy teacher again, you were doing so well

I shall take my ball away if you keep on

MrSpoc · 04/02/2011 10:29

there is nothing wrong with your teacher. your son has failed to show the teacher he is capable.

How has the teacher failed?

Ormirian · 04/02/2011 10:30

Nooo.... she mustn't kick up the arse! She must hit him with a swimming float and call him a muppet!