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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what to think of Mediums

116 replies

Skeptical · 03/02/2011 15:51

DH comes from a family of mediums and I don't quite know what to make of it!

When I met DH and found out about it I was a bit Hmm but I fell in love with him anyway. We have since married and had a baby together. DH is pretty low key about the whole thing but his Father, Sister and Brother are all mediums too.

My thoughts on Mediums have always been that either they are lying, deluded or maybe, possibly telling the truth (but have never really believed IYKWIM).

I think DFIL is both deluded and a massive attention seeker so he fits into my previous thoughts on mediums. However I adore DH, have massive respect for DSIL and I know that my DBIL hates the whole scene but claims that "they" won't leave him alone and is desperate to make them go away!

My mind boggles about the whole thing and they are convinces that it is really happening to them. Is it? I don't know!!

AIBU to be a bit Hmm about this part of my DH's life?

OP posts:
LtEveDallas · 03/02/2011 22:13

I don't know about mediums, but what about a 'fortune teller?'

A traveller granny told my friend she was pregnant before she knew (before she'd even missed a period). She also told her she wouldn't live to see her boys grown (exact words).

Sure enough friend was pregnant, friend also died when oldest boy was 6 and youngest not even a year Sad

My grandfather was a settled traveller, my dad grew up with these people and he had known 'granny' all his life. He believed all this and had warned granny never to tell me anything. He was furious when I told him about my friend. I was never allowed back to the site.

I suppose there's no real point to my anecdote, just that I was there, and heard what was said (it wasn't a reading, it was a chance encounter on the site, granny only 'read' fellow travellers as a rule). I believe it was real.

blueshoes · 03/02/2011 22:14

Maybe their 'gift' is the ability to read minds, rather than commune with the dead.

Far more useful would be the ability to foresee the future. Hence, the lottery numbers. Mediums are not all rich are they? Thought not.

NacMacFeegle · 03/02/2011 22:19

Maisie, it's not cloak and dagger in that way, no. But I doubt that he came upon the information in any way other than prosaic old reality.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 03/02/2011 22:20

Being able to read minds would be very cool. I think I'd prefer that to being able to commune with the dead - that would freak me out.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 03/02/2011 22:20

In what prosaic old reality?

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 03/02/2011 22:20

In what way

Maud2011 · 03/02/2011 22:26

fifi25, the thing that immediately springs to my mind is that the fortune teller probably had a good idea that your MIL had several family members of child-bearing age. And even if no new children were expected in the family, the likelihood is that "someone" somewhere in the larger circle of your MIL's friends and acquaintances might be pregnant.

NacMacFeegle · 03/02/2011 22:35

ie, that which can be seen, heard, touched - and proven to exist. Which, AFAIK the realm of "spirit" cannot be.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 03/02/2011 22:40

No, it can't be proven to exist atm. Who knows - one day perhaps. Until then I'm prepared to keep an open mind. Don't forget that the earth was flat and the moon made of green cheese until not so long ago...

I am sure that there are people out there who are nothing more than charlatans, but when someone is able to provide very detailed information (and isn't charging money) then I'm happy to accept that there may be more to it.

NacMacFeegle · 03/02/2011 22:48

Actually, the flat earth thing is a fallacy.

info

You say this person wasn't charging money; he was part of this church which is presumably a proselytising organisation? New members would be an important commodity? So no, not charging actual money on that day - but converting four sceptics to maybe-believers, that's a big thing.

fifi25 · 03/02/2011 22:48

Hi Maud. Yes i suppose your right, im not really a believer and have never seen one. The one she see has said a lot of other things which are correct. She only sees him every few years. I personally wouldnt part with money to see one.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 04/02/2011 08:21

Where did I say that the church converted 4 non-believers? None of us have ever been back in fact, and I explicitly said that "I'm happy to accept that there may be more to it" and "I'm prepared to keep an open mind" - not that I completely believe it all, in every circumstance. Please don't put words in my mouth.

Where again did I specifically mention educated people at the time of Columbus? Another link here (granted, to Wiki) shows the belief to flat earth. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flat_Earth

Anyway, this is veering wildly from my point - which is that I know what I/we heard, you weren't there, and as a result I will remain open-minded.

Lamorna · 04/02/2011 08:37

I agree with Maisie, I am open minded. I don't think that people communicate with the dead (I'm sure the dead wouldn't be interested in the sort of prosaic things they appear to be interested in!)but some people have an unexplained extra sense and it seems a very narrow view to say something doesn't exist because we can't know from one of our 5 senses. I know one or two people who have been told uncanny things that really have to be more than coincidence.
If it is a 'gift' it isn't one that I would want.
In OP case, if ILs really have a strong psychic side it will show up in DCs, or miss a generation and show up in grandchildren. It will be interesting.

NacMacFeegle · 04/02/2011 08:48

I didn't say you joined the church! I said that you went from sceptics to maybes - that's a pretty massive shift! For me to go from my current position to one of even being prepared to believe would mean a huge change, and would need pretty solid proof, evidently you feel you got that. You are right, I wasn't there. Ot is rare to hear of a very concrete, definite prediction - vanishingly rare.

Oh, we have many more than 5 senses- propriaception and vestibular just for starters. They don't allow people to know your grandad's name though. Some are seemingly mysterious, but when you learn about them they are fascinating, and reasonably well understood. Of course there is s lot of work to be done.

Some people are insisting that, although they admit to some charlatans, they do believe that there are genuine mediums. Why don't these genuine people conduct or take part in some research?

NacMacFeegle · 04/02/2011 09:03

Just to clarify, Lamorna, which people have an extra sense? How can it be measured? How are we to distinguish these special people from charlatans?

I don't say with 100% conviction that there is no such thing as God, spirits, angels, any of this gubbins. You are right, that would be a narrow view. I am convinced by the evidence available at this time that these things probably do not exist.

100% certainty is for believers.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 04/02/2011 09:22

4 of us went - 2 of us went from sceptics to maybes. I can't comment on what the other 2 now believe, but yes, from what I heard I shifted to maybe, and certainly the detail of information that was provided for my sceptical colleague was sufficient for his beliefs (or lack thereof) to be shaken.

I certainly can't say for certain - as you say, 100% certainty is for believers - but until it can be proved otherwise and a definitive explanation can be provided for what we all heard, then I'll err on the side of maybe.

CalamityKate · 04/02/2011 09:38

I get reallllllly fed up hearing about how "closed minded" sceptics are.

I don't know whether there is an afterlife, or whether there is such a thing as a genuine psychic/medium. I am open minded. I would LOVE it to be true. Why wouldn't I? Why wouldn't anyone?? Most of us have lost loved ones. Why wouldn't we be THRILLED to have reason to think that death isn't The End?

The fact is, though, there is no real reason, or evidence, to believe that it's so.

Anecdotes are not evidence. Evidence would be rigorously tested, repeatable, provable results.

As yet, there isn't any. For all the "amazing" information that some mediums are claimed to have given, when you take away the possibility for them to use other means of getting that information, they fail. They don't just fail a bit. They fail MISERABLY. Always. Every time.

CalamityKate · 04/02/2011 09:41

I also think there's a misconception about the word "sceptic". Sceptics don't say "There is no such thing as psychic powers/mediumship/whatever and I will never believe that there is, fingers in ears lalalalalalalala".

The true sceptic says "Psychic powers! Cool! Prove it!"

A true sceptic is not a cynic. The true sceptic simply doesn't believe something just because a) It's a nice idea or b) Because someone's had a convincing experience. They need proof. What's so "closed minded" about that?

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 04/02/2011 09:48

I don't think I was closed minded as a sceptic - just that I didn't really think it was possible, given, as you say, the number of weird and wonderful stories I'd heard from other people who had been to a medium. We went along for a bit of a laugh, nothing more - we didn't have to book a place, we just turned up, and we didn't know who the mediums were going to be (the names wouldn't have meant anything to me anyway).

Now, if someone could prove to me that the detailed information that the medium had was obtained in some other way then I'd love to hear it - and I can pass it onto my colleague who still doesn't understand it.

BreconBeBuggered · 04/02/2011 10:09

Anyone interested in how a lot of accurate hits by mediums are achieved should read 'Attack of the Unsinkable Rubber Ducks' by Christopher Brookmyre. But avoid it if you're easily offended and/or a Jehovah's Witness.

CalamityKate · 04/02/2011 10:20

Ooh that sounds good, Brecon! There's another one I want to get (I can't remember what it's called or who wrote it, which is helpful) that's recommended by Derren Brown; it's meant to be the definitive work on cold reading/other "psychic/medium" tricks... what's it called... oh it'll bug me all day now...

CalamityKate · 04/02/2011 10:21

Ian Rowland. Googled it.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 04/02/2011 10:27

Yes, Derren Brown is really interesting

alistron1 · 04/02/2011 10:32

As others have noted it is a load of old rhubarb. Until the randii prize is claimed I am firmly skeptical.

OTheHugeManatee · 04/02/2011 10:38

It's striking how the 'explanations' of cynics can sometimes be as implausible as the phenomena they're meant to explain.

I guess that in turn can be explained by the fact that for some people, any old rationalisation is better than admitting that sometimes we just don't know.

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