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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be pissed off with alpha mummies slagging off the school.

91 replies

softglowsandmaybes · 03/02/2011 09:28

Was with a group of mums the other day whilst waiting for our children to finish an afterschool activity. They were all bemoaning the fact that their children only get two reading books a week (they are year 1!). Our children get two reading books, maths homework and spelling every week. I think that is adequate. They were complaining and saying that the children should be listened to reading every day at school and why should they make the effort to hear their children read if the teacher can't do it. I do think that the school could possibly hear the children read more and could maybe do with more mum volunteers to help and said this.

What really upset me was this: My DD is getting some extra help with her reading as she is struggling a bit. So her and a few others go off with the Senco (i think its the senco or might just be TA) to get some more one on one time. My DDs teacher told me it was to help boost confidence. When i said this it was like a red flag to a bull - why should my child get extra help when theirs don't. Err because my child is struggling and yours are managing perfectly well Confused maybe? This really upset me and the more i think about it the more angry i become.

The thing that gets me is this though - these children are five years old. Isn't it the way in Steiner schools etc that they aren't even introduced to reading until 6 yrs? Dont they do that on the Continent anyway? Does it matter if they aren't reading the works of shakespear (sp) before the end of year one??

Yes, i share the concern over lack of reading time at school, but to bang on about children who need extra help getting it over their precious little darlings who are managing fine is beyond me. Why do people feel the need to push push push anyway? ~I dont read with my child every day as my child doesn't want to do it every day, when she wants to read we read, so every other day we sit and read her school books. Sometimes, shock horror, we dont bother at the weekends.

Every week its the same, moaning about this that and the other about the school. Its a faith school and that is why i sent my DD there, and becuase it has the reputation as the best and most caring school in the area. I cannot praise my DDs teacher enough, he is wonderful wonderful and my DD adores him. She goes to school wiht a smile on her face and comes home with a grin - THAT is what matters to me, i am not, quite frankly, too worried about her reading at this time. I feel it will come, she is almost the youngest in her year. I just htink to myself, none of you fuckers go to church (i admit im very crap about that too) but you insisted on sending your child to this school, its a good school, stop comparing it to the other schools or i might start to wonder if you only sent your child here because its a predominantly middle class school Hmm
It makes me sad that its all push push push, why cant we just let our children be children.

OP posts:
katiestar · 03/02/2011 15:14

In the early stages little and often is the important thing.Even if you are only reading a few minutes you still practise the same skills.
Softglow Do you really think a teacher spends 20 minutes reading with each child in your school!I can't understand why it takes your DC 20 minutes to read 20 words ???But if yopu want to spend that amount of time, that's great and I'm sure parents do at our school,but if you think a teacher has time to do that you are living in cloud cuckoo land!But I think it proves my point that 3 minutes FOCUSED work is at least as good as 20 minutes messing about.Besides to read only 3or 4 minutes during the day is better than not at all!the thing is all the adult time is spent hearing the children read not faffing about changing books (which the children mostly do themselves)and fetching children

(They also do guided reading once a week)

thunderbird69 · 03/02/2011 15:22

Do 5 year olds really need homework? Really?

I was never given homework till I went to secondary school (which was the equivalent of year 8 now). I'm not saying that's how it should be now, but I had a pretty good education and a damn fine time at primary school.

Reading/sharing books at home should be a natural fun normal thing to do, not a forced activity to be done and ticked off every night.

foxytocin · 03/02/2011 15:34

OP you are a normal mummy with a normal child.

When your child shows interest in reading, grab the opportunity and run with it. Till then, chill and don't let the POV's of others wind you up.

For all you know they were all playing one-up-mum-ship.

Excluding the moaning mums, I could have written the type of school, the homework, the reading ability of your dd, your outlook on homework, including a male teacher in Yr 1!

where in the country are you.

Ormirian · 03/02/2011 15:44

Oh lord, it's not just alpha mummies. We don't really have such things at our school but they can moan! A sort of low-level whinging about everything. It gets me down, so what it does to the teachers I can't imagine.

softglowsandmaybes · 03/02/2011 17:33

don't get narky with me katiestar! I am perfectly aware that they do not spend 20 minutes with each child, probalby more like five or ten. I seem to remember that from when i helped out with DD1 many moons ago. You can't imagine why my DD spends 20 minutes reading 20 words, well, thanks for that - my DD STRUGGLES with her reading and therefore gets extra help. Obviously she must be really thick eh Angry

foxy, but it is a drop dead gorgeous young male teacher in yr1? Wink

OP posts:
staranise · 03/02/2011 17:44

Don't get sucked in and don't take it personally. Every school has a group of low-level whingers and it can really pull you down. What I hate the most is the constant whinging to other parents and yet they never actually raise problems with the teachers (who might actually be able to address some of their concerns).

I'm inclined to agree with Xenia here: parents who get obsessed with what's happening at school have too much time on their hands.

PigeonPair · 03/02/2011 18:25

Was out last night for a drink with my son's old Nursery teacher. She said good reading is not a sign of brightness more that they are good at translating a code. I thought that make good sense!

cumfy · 03/02/2011 18:31

The're not criticising you, they're criticising the school!

Why does everyone think OP is being criticised Hmm

They were all bemoaning the fact that their children only get two reading books a week
They were complaining and saying that the children should be listened to reading every day at school

why should my child get extra help when theirs don't.

Yes. They're just saying:

The school is clearly perfectly capable of providing a proper level of education (when they choose to do so).
So why aren't they providing that level to everyone ?

Am I missing something ? :o

softglowsandmaybes · 03/02/2011 18:39

you aren't missing anything cumfy, apart from the fact that imo, the school provides an excellent level of education. Children who are struggling with their reading do need a bit of extra help and i find it a bit Hmm that people feel this is at the expense of their children. I think that two reading books a week is absolutely fine, but these mums think their books should be changed everynight.

I haven't took it personally at all, did feel a bit :( as obviously my child does get extra help but wouldnt want to think taht people resent that. Surely they should be pleased htat their children are managing with the reading that they are given??

OP posts:
cumfy · 03/02/2011 18:49

So how would you feel if all the children received the same excellent level of education that your DC receives ?

  1. Great!
  1. Great..., but hang on a moment shouldn't my DC be getting a bit extra still ?

Do you see where I'm coming from ?

softglowsandmaybes · 03/02/2011 18:53

No, quite frankly i don't! My DC is being given extra help because she NEEDs it, according to her teacher, to bring her up to the same level as the other children. What she gets is separate whereby a small group of children go off to have a more intensive session whilst group reading takes place. She cna#t keep up, the others can. The others benefit from the group reading, she needs a smaller group - simples.

The other children DO receive the same excellent level of education that my DD gets. That is my point, its just that some children need different things.

OP posts:
cumfy · 03/02/2011 19:00

All they want is what your DC is getting, surely.
What is unfair or unjust about that ?

It seems your answer is (2).

I repeat:

They are criticising the school not you.

softglowsandmaybes · 03/02/2011 19:07

I have never once said i felt criticised by the parents. I am pissed off because they are criticising the school. So you think then that children with SEN shouldn't receive extra help then?

Im not going to get drawn into an argument about this - my DD has had speech problems and it was inevitible really that she was going to struggle with her reading. Of COURSE she needs extra help. And whilst i absolutely agree this shouldnt be at the expense of more able children, i dont for a minute think that it is. So what is the problem?

My post was to say that i think that these parents expectations of the school are too high.

OP posts:
Maisiethemorningsidecat · 03/02/2011 19:12

Tell them to go private - then they won't have anything to complain about, as I understand it Wink

Seriously though, these mummies are at every school gate, and usually have too much time on their hands. How many people with a life away from the gates actually know how many books their offspring get each week to read? Or is that just me?

softglowsandmaybes · 03/02/2011 19:17

i agree maisie, i think this particular group of mums would have gone private could they but afford it!

OP posts:
foxytocin · 03/02/2011 19:19

Cumfy, an excellent education does not mean getting the same thing which the OP's dd gets. Hmm

these parents' overreaction to hearing that OPs dd gets to read more often in a smaller group shows how little they know about the learning process and how budgets and manpower is managed in schools.

OP: Is he quite tall, with black hair?

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 03/02/2011 19:21

Yes, that sounds very familiar...wait til you get further up the school, then they start being very vocal about the inadequacies of the local high school and how they will do anything to avoid their offspring being subjected to that

softglowsandmaybes · 03/02/2011 19:21

oh yes foxy, very black hair Grin

OP posts:
foxytocin · 03/02/2011 19:21

OP, you can tell them next time that if they are unhappy with the education the school is providing they can take it up with the head, or parents on the the board of governors.

I bet they'll look back at you in askance.

foxytocin · 03/02/2011 19:22

curly? some would call him good looking I suppose but I am a bit old and jaded now. He's too young for me anyway.

Normantebbit · 03/02/2011 19:22

Oh some parents will never think the school is good enough for their precious children.

I have these conversations all the while thinking "oh just go bloody private, you can afford it, this school will never be good enough for you and then I won't have to listen to you moaning on and on about things that the school can do nothing about."

And if it's any comfort DD1 gets one book a week, we hear her read every night (and she reads her own books too) and they are heard reading in groups at school. So far she has not turned into a frog or grown horns.

softglowsandmaybes · 03/02/2011 19:24

well foxy, most of the women swoon whenever he is around, even those who were having a good ol moan :) I think he is totally unaware of it though and it doesnt take from the fact that he is a brilliant teacher

OP posts:
Normantebbit · 03/02/2011 19:26

And Maisie - yes I have also been subjected to the "well the primary is one thing but the high school? Have you seen them eating chips in the street at lunch time? They look so scruffy!"

The high school is also a good school.

foxytocin · 03/02/2011 19:26

I don't go to the gates as I work FT so I don't know if the parents swoon.

Is the school and church nearly behind a pub?

If it is then I'll be gobsmacked.

toeragsnotriches · 03/02/2011 19:27

They sound horrible. The school sounds lovely. YANBU.

What really makes me annoyed is the short sightedness of those who only see their own child's progress as important. If the whole class is allowed to make progress through the sensible allocation of extra help where it is needed, everyone learns better. No one is left trailing with a low reading age, not being able to keep up with the work in later years and becoming disruptive as a result.

If they feel so strongly, can't they do a little extra at home themselves?