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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents believe everyone loves their little Timmy

90 replies

CockularDepravity · 02/02/2011 22:53

... or Jane for those blessed with a female child.

So, I put it to you that most, or certainly many, parents appear to believe that their precocious precious son or daughter is universally revered and a source of never ending entertainment for all those lucky enough to come into contact with them.

This extends to the child being the sole or main cause of conversation (particularly when the child is nothing to do with the conversation prior to it being hijacked), and the belief that the general populace wants their child to be around them at all times (particularly in areas generally assumed to be child free).

Am I being unreasonable in this assumption? Please also state whether you have any offspring in any reply you choose to make.

OP posts:
MrsNonSmoker · 02/02/2011 22:56

You sound nice. I wouldn't talk to you about my children. Or anything else come to that!

BringOnTheGoat · 02/02/2011 22:57

Misguided fools - it's my DD they all love - I pity the other parents

TattyDevine · 02/02/2011 22:59

Yes and no. There is a chunk of parents who feel this way, for sure. They exist, and they are annoying.

I would say also though that once you have the children, you can sometimes be thrust into situations where it might seem this way when it actually isn't. Kids sort of have a way of showing you up like that.

Baby bores are intolerable, and if not in the appropriate company (with other baby bores) should zip it.

If you are simply talking about colleagues at work who are parents sharing anecdotes of little Tarquin and Jocasta's high jinks round the coffee machine, YABU, but if you are talking about people who repeatedly turn the coversations they are having with you round to their children, YANBU.

stoppinchingthedummy · 02/02/2011 23:00

SHUT UP!

duchesse · 02/02/2011 23:00

Urgh god, my sister is like this with her toxic little second child. Strangely not with the first or the third, both of which are utterly delightful. I think she has made middle child the way he is by revering him and never disciplining him in any way.

TattyDevine · 02/02/2011 23:01

I have some friends, who came to me via my husband, so not of my choosing, if that makes sense.

They had their first child about 2 or 3 years before us, we planned it that way, so no axe to grind.

Went on a mini break with them when their child was 6 months. No issue, they were pretty neurotic and PFB about the whole thing but no issue. Except they sat us down one evening and basically proceeded to lecture me because I wasn't "paying enough attention" to their daughter. A 6 month old.

I'm not sure what they wanted me to do. Plus, they didn't target my husband, her godfather, who was paying her probably even less attention.

They then patronised me by telling me that I would understand one day when I had children.

I have 2 children. I still dont understand.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 02/02/2011 23:03

You sound fun. I'm sure you and your colleagues have a whale of a time at your 'business' lunches in the local Chinese restaurant, braying and boring everyone to tears with your ever so important, self important voices. Give me a few children messing around any day.

Morloth · 02/02/2011 23:03

Many people seem to think that everyone else loves their child as much as they do. They don't.

I have to admit I had a giggle on the 'Polite' children thread last night at all the posters slamming all the other MC kids but saying that their own of course were polite and charming. Yeah, it is everyeone else who is the problem...

My kids can be very very irritating, they are kids it is what they do, however my reactions and thoughts about that are tempered by the love I feel for them.

Your kids are also very very irritating, it is because they are kids. However, I feel no tempering love so just want them to 'Go Away' mostly. I assume everyone feels the same way about my kids.

TCOB · 02/02/2011 23:05

I don't have my Timmy or Jane with me all the time because I want other people to be with them. It's because I don't have anyone else who would have them for me. What are parents meant to do, sit inside all day because they've had kids? Nobody likes a bore who goes on about kids, DP, bloody cacti or whatever their obsession is so YANBU about the talking - but spare a thought for parents who have to take kids everywhere 'cos they don't have much support.

duchesse · 02/02/2011 23:05

Tatty- WTF? Are they sorry now? They probably don't even remember. Do they still behave as though she is the messaih?

GypsyMoth · 02/02/2011 23:06

but i have 5 children.......op,which one of my 5 am i supposed to witter on endlessly about.....i have 2 janes and 3 timmys?????!!

Original poster
CockularDepravity · 02/02/2011 23:08

I should add that I have a beautiful daughter. Hoever, I don't believe everyone else (or anyone else outside of my family, for that matter) should wish me to talk about her all day, nor thrust her into their personal space whenever I so choose.

The defensive replies in the thread are telling, and the replies agreeing with me both refreshing and more numerous than I expected.

OP posts:
mamatomany · 02/02/2011 23:08

I don't know anybody like this at all, but then if I like your child I make a point of telling you so and if I don't it's very obvious so we're not friends for long anyway.

Original poster
CockularDepravity · 02/02/2011 23:10

@ ILoveTIFFANY - I understand that the proper process when there is more than 1 child is to either rotate them in the same sentence or to go everywhere with all 5 of them at every possible opportunity.

It would be selfish of you to deprive the world of anything less than the full complement of your tribe.

OP posts:
Honeydragon · 02/02/2011 23:12

Aaaaaah the ignoring your child lecture. I had one of those once.

Took the offending misery off its mother, gave it a good winding and crying ceased. Pointed out that it did not need interaction from its Aunty Honeydragon....just basic care giving skills.

Twas 12 blessedly pfb madness free months before I was spoken to again Grin

GypsyMoth · 02/02/2011 23:12

you wouldnt say that if you knew them....

i prefer conversation to revolve round me.....but i do love it when get to reveal i have had 5 children,yes,all naturallly and have got NO stretchmarks whatsoever.....i love to see jaws hit the ground and eyes skim over my flat tum!!!

TattyDevine · 02/02/2011 23:13

Haha Duchesse. They have chilled somewhat - she is now a schoolgirl, they have had a 2nd child, and we have had 2 in that time too.

I suspect they might look back on it and cringe, they are generally not that "me me me" as people with other things, it was just with the sprog.

She really was the most fractious and sensitive baby ever - at 6 months, she was crying and moaning a lot of the time (shit happens, not their fault) and had a scowl on her that made her hard to want to run up to and pinch her cheeks and go coochy coochy coo - she probably would have screamed anyway! It was more creeping around her than ignoring her. At 1 year old we went round with presents and at one point someone cracked a joke and all 4 adults broke into laughter - her face scrunched up and she proceeded to scream the place down for a good 10 minutes, nothing could calm her. Not their fault, but she was one of those children, the uber sensitive angry timid ones that dont really develop any kind of personality or backbone until they hit about 4 or 5. Uncharitiable as that sounds, they do exist, though rare, and they are hard to parent.

So they have chilled out a bit since she has, their 2nd child is nothing like that.

I do hope they look back on it and cringe though, because they were bang out of order and I wish we could rewind and have the conversation again now because I would handle it TOTALLY differently and by jingoes it would be FUN.

TattyDevine · 02/02/2011 23:19

So OP, who are you talking about? C'mon, spill, I'm dying to hear some proper anecdotes. Dont tell me there aren't any because someone has pissed you off somewhere. And I feel your pain, I've got other baby-bore anecdotes to share if you want.

Got an annoying deskmate at work? Best mate think he's super sperm?

(You are a man right? Apologies if I've got that wrong - its just the cockular nickname)

Oh oh oh I've got a great one about being asked to move on a commuter train during half term so someone could sit next to her child....but you first.

duchesse · 02/02/2011 23:21

They were probably desperate for an extra pair of hands with her! Just didn't realise that at the time. Also prob v v sleep deprived! Trying to put a good slant on their behaviour. Sleep deprivation does cause a decrease in cognitive ability including the ability to see the sides of a situation. Maybe a B&W view of the world- my way or no way- is a primitive survival tool.

Original poster
CockularDepravity · 02/02/2011 23:24

@ TattyDevine - no, please, you go first, I insist. I am having my lunch at the moment and don't wish to spill crumbs all over my keyboard. Please proceed.

OP posts:
PatPending · 02/02/2011 23:24

I do get where you are coming from OP - I do know the odd parent or two like this who spends way too much time getting thoroughly immersed in all aspects of their childrens lives then insisting on relating it all in long and tedious detail to other people who have their own children.
The other people are of course supposed to be equally enthralled with all of these details about children who aren't their own.
I only ever expected family and very close friends to be interested in my DCs.
It becomes even more of an issue when these Golden Children are dragged along to all (mainly adult) functions when they should be out and about with their own friends, particularly as teenagers and beyond.
Fortunately I have developed skills in diverting conversations back to adult topics.

AliGrylls · 02/02/2011 23:26

I believe everyone loves ToddleGrylls and BabyGrylls - but that is because I am their mother. I would like to know the story behind this one.

itsalarf · 02/02/2011 23:26

I don't love everyone else's so I assume they don't all love mine. I am fond of nice children and not fond of not-nice children. As for the talking, often having children is one thing many people have in common, so they talk about them. Also if parents have dropped hobbies, social life and work, they may have nothing else to say. YANBU

TattyDevine · 02/02/2011 23:28

They were definitely sleep deprived, not in a night feeds kind of way, she was sleeping through, but she was an early riser, and was demanding during the day, and wouldn't settle easily at night so they were up and down to her a bit, though she would generally be asleep by 11pm (properly for the night I mean) but I think they were definitely mourning their change in lifestyle.

Extra pair of hands - not so sure in that they wouldn't accept any help as such.

Oooh I just had another flashback of that mini-break. My husband, who gets up at 5:30 in the morning to go to work (commutes to London for demanding job) and often puts in a 12 hour day had the audacity to yawn (politely, hand over mouth, about 11pm). The mother of this child snapped at him "dont tell me your'e tired! You dont even know the meaning of the word!"

Err, yeah, because he does feck all except have bikini clad women fan him with rushes all day whilst he languishes on a bed of rose petals. Tsk. Decadant bastid Hmm

MsKLo · 02/02/2011 23:31

Blimey you sound like a bit of a prat to be honest

Do you get your dictionary out in order to speak in such a contrived manner?

No, we don't all act like this and we don't all try to sound terribly clever (at which, you fail badly) by flowering our words in such a pretentious way!